Suddenly

Suddenly there was silence, I know this scene only happens every Friday in the office with the absence of those people around us. But lately this scenario is getting more more usual.
My friends would usually caught me thinking or day dreaming or preoccupied maybe but not just silent in one corner, empty-minded. I know something is wrong lately and I needed this to stop. But I don't know when it started or how or why.. I can't ever write or finish my book for heaven sake, my book is sitting on my desk since I don't know and I haven't finish 1/4 of it. What with me?!
I don't even chat with anyone, if someone would talk to me I will answer but wont engage in a long conversation like before. I won't see anyone, well except from the fact that I just want to rest during my off, I just can't force myself to leave.
I just finish talking to someone, exchange of updates, answer and question. And then there was silence again.. Oh darn, whats happening to me..

to be continued.. lol

For..

Sorry friend I'm not in the mood to write, so I'll just share this hehehe..

Letting You Go
By Mariann Estaniel

Your sincere words, your sweet smile,
The way you talk to me makes me blind.
You always come in when my world falls apart.
You held the key to my broken heart.
But that was then, this is now.
I really thought we'd make it somehow.
But I guess things between us are just not meant to be.
I'm not right for you, and you're not the one for me.
The thought of letting you go breaks my heart.
'Cuz in my life, you play an important part.
It's so hard for me to give up on you.
For giving up on love is something I don't do.
But I have to face reality, everything has changed.
It's all over, things are not the same.
You're with someone else now, and I am free.
I'm free to move on and go where I want to be.
It's really time for me to let you go.
So here I am, ready to let you know,
That I'm so thankful to have you even for a while.
I'm stronger now, I'm not going to cry.
Because when you left me, I realized that I was strong.
Those days of you and me are all over.
But it's something I would really remember.
It's one of the precious moments of my past.
Though I knew in my heart that it wouldn't last.
In my heart you'll be kept in a special place.
The memory of you will never be erased.

I don't really agree on that girlfriend.. coz according to you people I'm the masochist/martyr type that's why I would prefer this peom..

Still Here Waiting For You
by Tinydancer46

As I look into your eyes
I can't seem to look away
I get lost into the moment
Each and every day

You thought I didn't like you
You thought that I moved on
But to tell you the total truth...
My feelings aren't gone

I'm still here, still waiting
For us to finally be
I'll stay here for as long as it takes
For you to be with me

I'm still here inside your heart
I'll never give up on you
You'll never find anyone else
Who loves you like I do

I'm still here just waiting
For you to finally realize
I'm still here waiting for you to see me
How I see you through my eyes

Hell for false hopes.. wahahaha.. misha guys..

Death

I saw links to know when I will die then I tried it here's the result
Then I got curious to know how will I die, I searched for it and here's the result

hmmm.. funny? what if its true? In less than 45 years from now I'll be dead by a nuclear holocaust possible by the said year, aight?! or car accident? hmmm... possible..

Earthquake

6.1 - 6.2 magnitude earthquake at 1:29 pm GMT + 8. Tectonic origin and strongest in west of Manila. The earthquake has been felt throughout the Metro. I was home surfing the netting thinking that I'm just to sleepy, when my dad says that the earth is shaking. I instantly do the sign of the cross and thought of my mom and 2 brothers who were out. Hope they'll go home safe later. Specially Jon-jon, its his birthday tomorrow, hope he got to his office and be home later safe.

Extra Challenge

Going back to work after 4 straight days on leave and off. Don't get me wrong I had fun but I feel like I needed more time to relax.. But do I have a choice hehehehe..
Anywho, I'm still looking forward for April coz where going to the beach.. where going to the beach.. extra challenge to lose weight huhuhu.. I really gained a lot of weight since I transferred to Marikina huhuhu.. Good Luck to me..

6 months

Kung hindi pa pinaalala sakin ni Loisa mag anim na buwan ko na pala namimiss ang dati kong pasaway na buhay. I miss my old teammates, my old drinking buddies, my friends for almost 4 years. Kakamiss ang PGR, kaya kahit kung lang pa pahinga ko gow kagad ako kanina 7AM sa G2. Kakamiss ang walgn humpay na inuman after shift. nasulit nito ung leave ko. Yes after 6 months nakapagleave ako. From overnight swimming sa Pampangga to may Lola'a birthday celebration to PGR mini reunion. Kahit wala pa ko masyado pahinga ngayon ok lang, nakapagkulitan naman kame sa Pampangga ng fam ko nung friday night, food trip ng buong angkan namin ng saturday at inuman ng fave ko na team ngyon Sunday. Thanks thanks guys nasulit ang leave ko.. Mwah!
Miss ko na PGR kaya itutuloy natin ang swimming reunion ayusin natin yan kailangang nandun ang mga pasaway na team natin lahat dapat hehehe.
Sa April naman ang puerto natin ha lam nyo na..
Hay I miss the petiks day na wala ko problema sa sked ngayon dami gagawin pero atleast nasulit ang pahinga ko.. Love you people thanks for mayking me smile, laugh and crazy everytime..

Missed you Girl!

Surprise surprise!! Seeing Meimei waiting at the lobby yesterday is really surprising. I haven't heard from her for almost a month. Gosh, I never thought we'll click that much though we haven't gone out. She's one of my best agent and I missed her so much. She broke my diet yesterday but it's worth seeing and talking to her. I never realize we're so near, less than 15 minutes from the nearest Starbucks where we can hang out and chitchat. I'll be seeing you on Thursday girl, the chismisan galore and all.. Misha! Mwah!

Rewind or Fast Forward

I can't describe the feeling on how I would react last night seeing two person who affects my state before. Two different person,two different reaction and two different situation from then 'till now. Funny coz I don't even know how to react now. Anyway, I was left dumbfounded twice after last night. First after we ate dinner, I was looking at the old folk I've know before but his trying to figure out where he'd seen me. Darn it, do I look that hideous and fat for people not to recognize me?! Oh well, we did talk about the things but my cousin has to butt in, to well stop the "moment", hell! thanks cuz! Then he left but did look for me to bid goodbye, leaving me thinking that he change so much but his still that nice guy ever since I've known him. Second was after that goodbye, I was shocked seeing his person coming, its like a slow motion scene but then realizing that I was part of a practical joke when I saw the person behind. But this time I was not given any change to chit chat but could constantly catch someone looking. On one instance I smiled and he smiled back, darn if only he could hear my side comments which made my cousin laugh. Funny how that night end, I asked my relative's, my dad and mom that I'll go ahead and hit the sack coz I'm really sleepy though it's not yet midnight. I asked my brother to bring me home because I'm too sleepy, just to learn that he was also leaving (that early), I mean "they". I don't know if that a coincidence or if I'm hallucinating but I saw him looking at our ride while we leave. Is he eyeing my brother?! Harhar but for cheese sake, his with someone!
Oh well, that was just it. I rarely visit those cousin of mine and I rarely go to that side of my world, Why? Because they don't know whole complete me, most of them knew me as their precious, sweet, dear cousin whose having weight problems as of the moment but can still get back on track in no time, the only daughter of their cool uncle who knew what she wants. Yes, everything about me is positive and good on that end of the road. Sometimes, I like that thought but most of the time it makes me sick coz it's making me realize on how huge their expectation from me is and it sucks. Oh darn life, even their welcome questions, Where is your boyfriend? And when are you getting married? I know I'm not that young anymore but please I don't even have one and marriage is not yet on my vocabulary. And I know I'm bitter because recently someone.. ah never mind.
Anywho back on the real topic, that was just like a gist of something which made me remember that chapter of my past, my insecure highshool days til my exciting college years, Me being the aloof, snobbish, unknown, off-limits cousin of their friend.

Farewell

See you there little angel.. I know I haven't seen you for a long time.. But learning that I could no longer see you smiling when I go there later is breaking me..
I know He now needs you there but all of us here will be missing you..
We'll miss you cuz..

Will You Still Love Me Even If I'm Not Perfect?

*from a friends post which she got from her email from a friend...

Will you still love me even if I’m not perfect? Will you still love me even if I’m not the kind of person you wished I were? Will you still look into my eyes with warmth even if you saw my shadows? Will you still hold my hand even if you knew there will be times I’d let you down?

For though I yearn to take care of you as I should, though I desire to love you with a love that never falters and fades, my knees tremble this very moment that you hold me in your arms.

Shall I kiss you? Shall I hold your hand and bask in the light of your spirit knowing that I have my darkness, knowing there will be times that the light of my love will sometimes be overshadowed by the darkness that is in me?

Sometimes I’d be silent and I might bore you. I may not laugh at your jokes, and you may not understand the spell that’s enshrouding me. Sometimes I’d get troubled and I’d fail to put into words what the hell it is that troubles me. I wouldn’t be good company then, and I couldn’t make you smile.

Sometimes I’d get moody and I might not enjoy the things you’d like us to do together. Sometimes I’d lose my temper and I’d no longer act like the fine person who stands before you today. Sometimes I’d get jealous and I might say things I don’t really mean. Sometimes I’d talk too much that I might drive you away.

Sometimes I’d get touchy and I’d get easily hurt. And no matter how mature I try to be, at times I’d act in childish ways. I’d demand things I shouldn’t, I’d say thing I shouldn’t say. And no matter how much I desire to protect you and make you happy, sometimes I’d be the one who’d cause you the most pain.

If you will love me I cannot promise you that I will not hurt you. I cannot promise you that I will not make you cry and that I’ll never break your heart. But if you will love me, I will bare my whole self naked before you, and I will reveal to you my soul. If you will love me, you can be certain that it is I that you will love, not a mask that fools you and gives you only what your eyes desire to see. If you will love me, you can be certain that you will love the depths of me, all of me that is in me, and I in turn will love you with all of me, with all my soul, with all my mind, with all my spirit, with all my flaws and beauty, and with all my very heart.

Prob?

Sobrang swamp ako with work lately, all I do is, go to work, do OTY then go home. Pagdating sa bahay magtsecheck ng facebook, papasok sa kwarto magbabasa hanggang sa makatulog.
Sa limang araw sa isang linggo ganon lang ng ganon. Ung natitirang dalawang araw? Hehe ung isang araw dyan nasakop na rin ng routine ng panglimang araw ko kaya kung susumahin isa't kalahating araw lang talaga ang kunwariang pahinga ko na hindi nagtatrabaho. Anong ginagawa ko? Hehehe syempre matulog at magpahinga un ay kung hindi ako yayayain ng mga kasamahan ko lumabas para mabuo ang panganim na araw sa isang linggo ko o alilain ng nanay ko para makasama sa mamili ng kung ano ano.
Pero meron ako narealize, marami pala ako napupulot na kung ano ano sa trabaho ko, hindi lang tungkol sa trabaho. Anu un? Isa-isahin natin.
Babala: Ang mga makikita ninyo sa Ingles na lenguwahe ay mga salitang nakakasalumuha ko sa araw araw na ginagawa ni Bro sa buhay opisina ko.

Convey problem. Paraphrase. Fact find. Give all possible option. Suggest the best solution. Delete add refresh. End call/hung up/recoding ended. Sa opisina normal ito, mausisa ang mga tao nakasama ko, lagi nila tinatanong kung ano ang problema ng mga taong nakakausap nila tapos susubukan uriratin ang gumugulo sa mga kausap nila. Tapos tulungan at ayusin kung ano man ang sulirananin. Pero sa tulad ko na bihira na gawin ito at nakakukuha lang magobserba at magcomment, minsan iba na tingin at pakahulugan sakin ng mga iyan.

Conveys problem. Pagkakaroon ng problema, suluranin, posibleng sakit sa ulo, mga dahilan ng hindi pagiging normal, mga hindi inaasahang pangyayari sa normal at maayos mong buhay na nagdudulot ng pighati, kalungkutan, saloobin at kalungkutan. Na minsa'y nauuwi sa pagkakaroon ng masalumuot na pangyayari, karamdaman, damdamin at pananaw sa buhay, un eh kung hindi mo babaliwalain ang isang problema.

Paraphrase. Ito ung tipong pagtangap na meron kang problema. Minsan kase hindi natin iniintindi yan o iniiwasan para lang hindi mapraning, magkaroon ng sakit ng ulo, mahighblood at para walang dagdag isipin dedma ang madalas ginagawa ng karamihan. Pero mali dahil hindi naman maaalis ang isang problema kung hindi mo susolusyunan o haharapin hindi ba?

Fact finds. Alamin ang dahilan. Bakit ka nga ba namumublema sa ngayon? Ano ang mga posibleng dahilan? Anong ang mga pangyayari sa buhay mo na naglandas para magkaroon ng ganitong suliranin? May nagawa ka bang pagkakamali? Bakit ganito ngayon? Yan kinukwestyon mo na sang sarili mo. Normal, lahat ng problema ay may dahilan, may pinanggalingan, kung kinukulit ka man ngayon ng sakit ng ulo na yan, ikaw rin ang may dahilan.

Give all possible option. Isipin ang lahat ng possibleng solusyon. Hindi totoo ang sinasabi ng karamihan ng tao na "No Choice" lahat ng ay binibigyan ng pagpipilian. Marami posibidad na magging solusyon sa problema. Nandyan na ung, dedmahin hanggang sa kabugin ka na lang bigla isang araw kakadedma mo. Paglaban kung ano talaga ang nais mo kahit pa may matatapakan kang tao. Magkapakamartyr at gaga dahil gusto mo maging mabait sa paningin ng iba. Sundin ang tamang sinasabi ng utak mo. Pakingan ang sinasabi ng puso mo dahil gusto mong maging masaya naks! Maghintay. Ugatin ka man, mamuti ang mata, putian ng uwak at kahit kapitan ka man ng mga suso at lumot, parang umoorder ka lang sa fast food, ganon ang drama mo day, "willing to wait" ka parin. Pero sabi nga choice mo yan, yan ang mga pagpipilian at alam ko marami pang enumeration dyan kaso hahaba masyado next time naman.

Suggest the best solution. Yan eto naman ung multiple choice part. Piliin at gawin mo kung ano tingin mong tama para sayo. Hep, naintindihan mo ba? Ang sabi ko kung anong tingin mo tama PARA SAYO. Bakit may emphasis? Kase hindi parepareho ang choice ng bawat isa, ikaw at ikaw lang sa sarili mo ang makakapagsabi kung ano ang tama para sayo. Tried and tested, ganito yan eh, maraming tao ang lagi humihingi ng opinyon ng iba pero at the back fo their mind meron na talaga silang desisyon, kahit gaano pa katama ang suhestiyon ng ibang tao kung iba talaga ang gusto mong mangyari un parin ang susundin mo. Bakit ka humihingi ng opinyon ng iba? Marahil humahanap ka lang ng taong aayon sa gusto mong mangyari at mapatunayang kahit papaano ay tama ka. But again, isipin mo maigi ang mga posibilidad at mga pwedeng manyari para makapagdesisyon ng tama. You might choose something that is not the best option for everybody but it is for you.

Delete add refresh. Eto ung troubleshooting part, solusyon kung baga. Eto ung proseso na ginagawa mo na ang dapat mong gawin para matuldukan o matapos ang dagdag na pasanin kinahaharapan mo. Kung ano naman ang pinili mong solusyon eto na ung parte na un. Minsan sandali lang tapos na, pero kadalasan hindi, nandyan pa ung parteng may pilitan, iyakan, sakitan, sagutan, sigawan, sumbatan at kung ano ano pang -an. Minsan naman nililiteral ng ibang tao ito as in delete add refresh talaga lalo na kung usapang puso ang usapan sows. Delete iitsepwera na kung sino naman ung napapasakit sa kalooban. Add kumanap ng kapalit, sakit nun para sa taong "panakip butas na lamang" . May mga taong nakakakalimot lamang kung meron na kapalit, pero kahit saang angulo tignan hindi parin tama. Refresh tama lang ang katagang ito kung positive ang kinalabasan ng pagkakaroon ng Add, kung hindi naman nagadd, ibig lang sabihin ay nagmomove on ka na .

Eto ang mga resulta sa pagharap sa problema.
End call tapos an ang problema, nasulusyunan na ng tama at ok ka na.
Hung up eto ung negative part ng end call dahil maaring hindi nasulusyonan ang problema mo, paranget ang kinalabasan at nahihirapan ka parin kaya balik ka sa parapharasing para pagnilaynilayan ang mga nangyari.
Recording ended walang ending, nakabitin ang lahat posibleng hindi tinanggap ng kabilang partido ang desisyon mo at hindi siya sumagot, kaya wala parin solusyon.Walang tuldok.

ang dami ko sinabi, pasensiya na at tamad na tamad ako magtrabaho ngayon araw na to kay ito ang ginagawa ko sa opisina. Tagal ko narin hindi nagagawa ito in fairness. Paumainhin ang ang daldal ng mga daliri ko.. Peace yahall!

Material Girl

I haven't got any new gadgets lately, the last time I bought a cellphone (not a replacement) was last year. Darn, I was planning to buy a laptop and camera for a long time now, but I haven't got one wheww.. Anyway, from today I only got 2 months to decide if I'll be buying a new phone or a cam, it's like a "tradition" me and Lois were doing since we started working together.
Touchscreen phones and QWERTY phone are taking over. I've been a Blackberry user before this BlackBerry 7100t

then I got tired of that QWERTY keypad so I shift back to an uber friendly Nokia 6630. Then got my self a Nokia N95 which is serving me for 2 years now and added a Nokia 7210 Supernova as my secondary phone last year. Now its almost time of the year so I have to decide if I'll be getting my self a gift harharhar.. If I'll be getting a new phone I have to sell one of my phone or just give it to my brother.. hmmm.. I'll try to sell it first harharhar.. My phone choices? First is this nice touchscreen phone Samsung 8003 Jet

loving this touchscreen phone with 5megapixel camera or this Blackberry Bold 9000 either black or white

I kinda miss using Blackberry lately specially when my Tito got that model. So slick and the white one is so chic hehehe.
Nokia E71 is another phone I like the red or black one coz Nikki got the this phone in white..

Hmmm.. if I'm not buying a phone probably I'll settle with a new Ipod Nano or Itouch instead hehehe..

I like the black or blue one :)

or this itouch
or if ever I just get my self Nikon D3000 which I've been longing for almost a year now..

wheww.. I really wanted a MacbookPro but don't have money for that yet. I'm not even sure if I can afford that camera either.. Oh well, I'm just planning or thinking of buying.. I just needed to think of things like this as of the moment..
Diversion yeah! :)

Cheesy

I read this conversation from one of the books I’m reading during my off. The first characters line is “Forget me, forget everything about me..” then second character answered “I’m sorry but you can’t get rid of me that easily, you can try to hide from me but I promise to not to leave your side” then the story continues and at the end the first character ate his words and says “Forget about forgetting me I don’t think I can live with that..” awww.. cheesy.. (Disclaimer: I read this line from a book for real, sorry to burst anyone’s bubble :peace: )
I don’t know why but I’m fond of reading this cheesy kind for stories lately arg! I don’t know why. I don’t even have a love life, one of my friends just recently broke up with her partner and most of the trainers and our boss are teasing us to look for a boyfriend and wtf its already March not February “the love month” duh!
Anyway, back to those cheesy lines, forgetting is not an easy thing to do or learn, like the saying one can forgive but won’t ever forget. Amnesia is not an airborne disease. But there is this “Selective Memory” phase that I can recall we discuss in training, helpful but not cure for this forgetting thingy. One can cut all possible means of communication, text, call, messenger, forum, blog site, website, email, letter, telegraph, radio, ect. One can be swamp with work, problems and everything but are you really sure if that stubborn mind with its brain cells friendship would also stop from functioning so they won’t torture you from those pictographic images called memory. In short this is not an easy task. Amnesia is really hard to fake. Lol.
Some people never get tired of waiting, wishing and hoping. I salute you guys. Risk takers, masochist, selfless, martyr call them whatever you want. They are the people who chase, pursue their own happiness. To these people are brave enough to risk their emotion, never minding the pain and hurt that could equate the “what happen” next.
Anywho, life is something you create and decide upon on. We are all given choices and choose what you think is best for you. Some could show the result to everybody while some would just let things happen. For me, I love surprises or either I conceal too much. What about this line? “Forget about forgetting me I don’t think I can live with that..” hhhmmm its just a cheesy line that I don’t think could happen in real life.

Things?

I just got my new pair of sneakers. It’s not the brand that everyone is swooning to have, some of my friends would prefer a different one, different color, they might tell me to get the brand that I used to have but I like this, I actually love it. It’s color white, simple, chic, comfy and actually cheaper. And I think it would serve me long enough, ‘til it gone dirty and worn out.. I thought of wearing it last night but before left I had a change of heart harharhar. So I settled with one of my stiletto instead with a mindset that I’ll be wearing the sneakers the following day hehehe.
Mom saw the paper bag with the shoes when I arrived yesterday. Then I heard “tsk tsk tsk.. sapatos nanaman!”. I just heard myself answering “this is different, I’ve been eyeing this pair for ages, just had a chance to drop by the store so after 100 years I bought it.” Then my mom answered “what the difference? Is still a pair of shoes. How many pairs do you have? Include you slip-ons!?” Instead of answering I just close my bedroom door, end of conversation.
I’m fond of collecting shoes, bags, wallets, glasses, gadgets and shirts, my mom would even complain when ever I keep all of them though most of them are just at the back of my closet. Mom would organize it and we’ll end up arguing because she wanted to give away some of my stuff. I rarely do that, think of it as selfishness but hell I care I won’t give those away easily. These things are mine, I save money for most of them, time to decide whether to buy it or not, energy to find where can I find stocks if the first few store I raided doesn’t have my size anymore, effort of sending emails to my aunt abroad and convincing powers for her to buy me a shocking pieces of these little things hehehe. These are the things I really wanted, I dreamed of and wished for. So I want to keep it as long as I want to.

That’s me I don’t easily give out or give up on something that I treasure.