The bad thing about me is that, when I'm not in the good mood, I won't really care who/how I speak. Last night was really awful, I admit, I feel bad after. My lolo woke me up, dahil papasok ako sa office. He then told me na dumating ung package kaso wala nagreceive kaya madedelay nanaman. Super delay na kase un, kahit tita ko na nagpadala kinukulit na ko. I was at home that time pero tulog ako malas pa ung room ko nasa bandang likod at hindi ko talaga maririnig if meron tumatawag. Or possible na sobrang pagod ako dahil malamang tumatahol ung 2 dogs ko dahil may tumatawag na ibang tao, pero hindi parin ako nagising.
My lolo was pissed so am I. We're waiting for that package for ages. Nung dumating mom ko at lola galing sa daily stroll nila dun lang nila nalaman, those packages were address to my mom. Then naririnig ko mga usapan nila habang naliligo ako, actually inask ako ng mom ko na tawagan ung shipping company, that morning pero nakalimutan ko, sabi niya na kung tinawagan ko yun at sinabing idedelivery that day edi sana hindi na daw sila umalis para magbingo. Nainis ako hindi ko alam kung bakit siguro dala narin na tinatamad na ko magtrabaho, ginising pa ko ng maaga at sinisisi pa ko ng nanay ko ng hindi naman ako ang direktang may kasalanan.
Nung kinausap ako ng mom ko I snap at her, pabalang sagot ko, napilosopo ko pa siya after nun hindi na kami nagkibuan. Nung una akala ko intense lang kame kaya ganon. I felt bad pagdating ko sa office pero sabi ko baka nung gabi lang un, dahil nagalit din lolo ko sa mom ko. Pero pagdating ko sa bahay kaninang umaga, hindi ung usual na nanay ko sumalubong sakin. Hindi niya ko kinikibo, lumabas siya ng kwarto pagdating ko pero pumasok din agad. Sabi ko I hurted my mom last night kaya siguro ganon. Hindi ako sanay na hindi madaldal mom ko early in the morning asking how am I. Wala ung makulit na nagtatanong anu ang nagyari sa buong gabi ko. Nasad talaga ko hindi ko naman sinasadya. Hindi ko alam paano magsorry sa kanya kanina, hanggang sa nanood kame ng Lifestyle Network at naalala ko ung request niya na pizza sakin. I just simply ask her kung gusto niya magorder kame. Sabi niya bahala ako, after that kinausap na ulit niya ko, nagkwentuhan ulit, nagsorry ako. I never realize how my words wounded my mom, hindi ko alam na ganon, hindi ko naman sinasadya. Sabi niya she knows kung gaano ko kasungit at kataray pero hindi niya maimagine that I would snap at her. Hindi ko rin akalain na masasabi ko un. Kaya sorry ako ng sorry sa mom ko.
I ended up buying her a suhol hahaha.. Pero ok na kame ngayon, I promise na hindi ko na uulitin un sa kanya ayoko ko makikita nagiisip, nalulungkot lalo na umiiyak mom ko, that would kill me. As much as possible ayoko makikita masaktan mom ko, nagawa ko na magsinungaling sa kanya wag lang siya makitang malungkot. Alam ng kapatid ko un, kaming dalawa ang nagtago nun. We never talked about it at home.
Bottom line ayoko may nalulungkot sa member ng family ko, ok lang na ako ang masaktan, dahil kahit anong mangyari hindi ko pinapakita sa kanila na malungkot ako or umiiyak. My mom and dad thinks I'm tough so I have to show them that I'm tough. Kahit minsan mahirap.
I would do anything just to see my mom and dad happy, kahit ano pa un.
Pero hindi ko inakala na masasaktan ko parin pala sila, ng hindi ko sinasadya.
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2 years ago
Personally, i was NOT able to experience ENOUGH the so-called "parent-child interrelationship". Sadly, my parents left me and my 2 siblings when i was only in my mid-teens. Pero 'di aman talga cguro maiiwasan ang mga ganyang tampuhan sa loob ng isang pamilya. Kahit di ku masyado naranasan ang ganyan, i have friends and acquaintances who regularly share and testify their "parent-child sentiments".
ReplyDeleteAs far as i can remember, my father and i used to be very "silent" to each other (the so-called "father-son silence" is really true in my case)...we never became that "close", unlike those which u can watch in some family movies. And so with my mother, likewise. Pero kahit papano, i can reach out to her whenever needed...lalo na pag may konting problema sa mga kapatid ku. Si nanay ang natatakbuhan ku noon sa mga ganyang bagay (masipag kasing mamalo si nanay ng makukulit na anak...pasaway kasi ung mga kapatid ku). Madalas kasing wala naman si tatay sa bahay, so si nanay talaga ang disciplinarian sa amin.
Accordingly, wala kang maririnig na "sorry", "thank you", "i love you" sa pamilya namin. ewan ko kung batet, pero totoo yan. cguro there are things (especially sa pamilya) which really don't need to be uttered by tongue...basta understood na un. at cguro inde lang kami ganun ka-expressive. Anlabo noh?
Honestly, i envy those who can freely confide and express virtually EVERYTHING they feel to their parents, and how i wish i had parents who can do the same to their children.
Lastly, inspite of the family disaster that happened...i can say that WE (me and my brothers) STILL NEED OUR PARENTS...we do...and i REALLY DO. Kahit cguro wala na silang gawin sa bahay...kahit kumain, matulog, umupo na lang sila sa isang tabi, OK lang basta nasa bahay silang pareho...BASTA MAY MATATAWAG KAMING NANAY at TATAY.
Unfortunately, it seems that they don't need us. AT YAN ANG PINAKAMASAKIT NA BAHAGI.
:)
happiness is a choice..
ReplyDeleteNeeding and wanting are two different things :) you can't change the past no matter what, we can't simply erase and edit those but you hold your future.
No one can forget but everyone could forgive. :)