Galera Team Building

Hayz, it took us sometime to go back in editing these pictures, sa totoo lang hindi parin tapos. We went to Galera last March 20 for our team building with all the preparation and excitement we never thought that it could be our last, that's reason why I haven't opened these photos and do our 'kalokohan thingy'. Nakakalungkot, nakakaiyak.. naiiyak ako habang sinusulat ko ito, di ko mapigilan eh.

PGR is one hell of a team, we treat each other more than officemates, more than friends, we are family, the family I had for almost 3 years now. One of the pioneer team who started the account. Alam namin na hindi permanent ang lahat, team members come and go, pero natira kme 3. Ako, si Loiusse at ang team manager namin si Coy, naalala ko madalas masisi si Coy kung bakit never kame nagpapromote ni Louisse, kung bakit hanggang ngayon agent parin kameng dalawa, sabi nga ng iba kung meron deserving mapromote sa floor kame un, we already proven our worth, dedication and capability but we already know how things work on the floor, promotion is never an option, resigination is.

Ngayon mag 3 years na kameng tatlo sa April 3, pero sa oras din na iyon mawawala na rin ang PGR, ang team na PASAWAY, ung MAINGAY, ung PALABAN, ung team na NUMBER 1 all through out, DREAM TEAM ng lahat ng mga tao sa office. Ngayon lang nagsink in sakin ang lahat, una hindi ako naniniwala na mangyayari ito. Bumabalik lahat alaala ng mga kalokohan namin, I can't even look at those picture na halos bumuo ng buhay ko sa loob ng tatlong taon. Hindi ito ang una kong trabaho pero ito ang hindi ko maipagpapalit sa kahit ano, hindi dahil sa wala ako ginagawa sa opisina kundi magchat, magforum at tumawa, kundi ung kahit pagod na ko, kahit ayoko na sa pesteng kompanyang ito, maalala ko lang mga team mates ko at maalala ko lang na magkukulitan kme sa opisina, napipilitan ako bumangon at magtrabaho. Ang hirap isipin na maiiba na ung nakagawian ko araw araw, Coy will be leaving the team most probably next week, ayoko, ayaw namin hindi sa selfish kme pero malaking kawalan si Coy, I can never look at PGR with our STM Coy, I can't imagine Louisse and me alone without him. Ung mga kulitan, usapan at sekreto namin tatlo, hay ayoko dumating ang April 3 ayoko mawala ang PGR. We've been behind each other all through out, nung nabuntis si Gracci, ung pagkakasakit ni Michelle, ung pagkawala ng celphone ni Harmon, ung muntik na pagiging parents ni Blue at Gretch, ung hindi pagsama ni Momi Jojie sa mga lakad, ang mga late ni Ate Cor, pagmomove on ni Ana, ang pagbuo ng Alabang Boys (Mark, Jason, Patrick, Earl, Marlon) at Ebola Boys (Ralph, Edwin), ung di pag amin na buntis ni Aling Sima, ang kakulitan ni Louie ang napaudlot na pagreresign ni CeeJay, ang pagiyak ni Aica dahil sa baby nya, ang TL namin si Norms, ung mga ampon namin sa floor sina Adtrian, John, Mike, Nikki, Jah, ung mga umalis pero kahit anong mangyari buo parin sila Richmon, Eshon, Lynn, Yves, Bogs, Ethel, Mikka, Alec, Mark, Russel, Phoebe, Greg, Mitch, Flory, Marsh. (nakalimutan ko ung iba update ko na lang pagnaalala ko..).

Hay ang hirap naman ng ganto, alam ko mangyayari pero bakit kung kelan nandito na ang hirap. Remembering all those times from day one until now hindi ko magawang hindi umiyak, parang normal na samin ni Louisse na kadamay si Coy sa lahat ng bagay, from food, events, celebration, problems and even decisions. Ang hirap ng wala si Coy, kahit na sinabi namin na magreresign kame, ang hirap pala gawin, ang hirap pala pagmanyayari na, totoong madaling sabihin pero mahirap gawin. Ang hirap isipin lahat lahat ng hindi ako nalulungkot, I know ganto rin ang nararamdaman ni Louisse at Coy ngayon kahit gaano kaganda ang pelikula, kahit gaano katatag ang grupo dadating rin pala ung part kung kelan sasarado na ang kuritina, kailangan talaga dumating ung tinatawag na END.

Ayoko, ayoko talaga. :'(

Eto ung ibang pictures, marami pa kulang diyan, hindi ko alam kung madadagdagan ko pa yan. mahirap pa para sakin tignan mga old and recent photos pacencya na kayo.. :(

PGR: Project Gotham Racing

Bukas

Bukas bagong araw nanaman, magsusulat nanaman ako,

tatawa, mangungulit, magiisip.
Bukas hindi ko na titignan o babalikan mga messages mo,

paulitulit ko na kasi binasa ngayon, tama na siguro un.
Bukas hindi na ko galit, hindi na ko magmumukmok, hindi na ko iiyak.
Bukas hindi na kita iisipin, itatago ko na lang lahat ng alaalang iniwan mo.
Parte ka na ng buhay ko, ng nakaraan ko,

wala na ko magagawa dun at tinagap ko un hindi mo man hiniling.
Bukas haharapin ko na buhay ko, buhay na malamang hindi ka kasama,

hindi ko ginusto pero ganon ata talaga.
Bukas hindi ko man alam kung ano nakalaan para sakin,

makasalubong man kita muli o hindi,
ano man ang mangyari, tingin ko kakayanin ko na.

Life

Happiness keeps you sweet,
Though sadness makes you weep.
Sorrow keeps you human,
Not broke, not undone.
Courage keeps your goals,
Makes us alive and feeds our souls.
Trials keep you strong,
But committing mistakes isn’t wrong.
Failure keeps you humble and success keeps you glowing,

but only
Faith & Attitude Keeps you going..

written Feb 9, 2009 -chinkay-

Sermon

Oh akala ko, ok ka na? Kala ko ba napagusapan nanatin yan, nung huling beses tayong nagkita, basag na basag ka pa nun, laklakin mo ba naman ung tatlong litrong red horse. Eh anong ineemote-emote mo dyan ngayon? Akala ko ba ok na, makakaya mo na.

Sign?! anak ng tokwa naman, ano pa bang sign hinihingi mo, ang mabuntis si Bebe Gandanghari? Neng parang sinabi mo na for life ka na magiging ganyan.

Sabihin mo nga ulit sakin kung ilan beses ka na umiyak, nagmaktol, nagalit, naghurumintado, nayamot, naasar pero iisa lang naman nirereklamo mo sakin, siya. Nung nakaraan mga araw, galit na galit ka, kulang na lang eh basagan mo ng bote ung magbabalot na dumaan, dahil sabi mo tinatarantado ka, ginagawa kang tanga ng lalaking un. Tapos ilan araw lang eto ka nanaman, ano bang klaseng utak meron ka gurl?

Nandun na tayo mahal mo, putchang pagmamahal naman yan! Mahal mo nga, eh mahal ka ba? Importante ka ba sa kanya? Ni hindi nya sinabi sayo kung ano ung totoo, malalaman mo na lang ganon, ganto. Tapos ano? Wala. Kelan ba nasagot lahat ng tanong sa utak mo? Kelan ba dumating ung point na wala ka na agamagam? Oo masaya ka, fine, napapangiti ka nya, fine, naramdaman mo importante ka sa kanya, fine parin, pero gaano katagal un? 2 days, 3 days tapos ano, wala nanaman. Sabi mo nga nagmukha ka nang katawatawa sa harap ng mga kaibigan nya. Oo nasaksihan ko un, gusto na nga kita dagukan eh, kaso naawa ako sayo, pinagtatawanan ka na nga, babatukan pa kita.

Tapos hihirit ka ng what if what if dyan ngayon? Eh ilan beses ko rin ba sinabi sayo na hindi matatapos ang kalokohan mo kung lagi ka na lang aasa sa what if mo. What if kayo talaga? Eh what if hindi naman pala. Sus may anak na ung tao, hindi kasal, fine.. di pa tali, ano naman ngayon? Meron naman dyan walang sabit, single, mabait, mapera, gwapo pero ano dinahilan mo sakin, kesyo hindi mo mahal. Punyetang pagmamahal yan. Ilan beses ka na ba ginago nyan ha? Dalawa o tatlong beses na? Tapos pagbumalik sayo konting lambing lang, konting sabi lang ng "ikaw naman talaga mahal ko eh", bibigay ka na agad. Gaga ka rin kase, kung una pa lang hindi mo na hinyaan mangyari, kung una palang hindi mo na siya tinanggap pabalik edi sana hindi na naulit. Ang bait mo kase eh hindi ka marunong magsalita, nagmumura ka na sa loob mo, pero oo at hindi parin lang sagot mo, ni hindi mo masabihan ng panget na bagay ung isang un, kahit totoo naman.

Dadahilan mo sakin kesyo mahal mo, mahal mo pero umiiyak ka naman ngayon. Eh yang lalaking yan, sigurado ka bang mahal ka nya? Kung mahal ka nun, ipapakita at papatunayan nya un sayo, kahit anong pang delubyo mangyari. Kung mahal ka nun hinding hindi ka nya sisisihin kahit gaano pa kabigat ginawa mo kasalanan, meron man o wala. Kung mahal ka nun, hindi ka nya gagawin dahilan sa mga pagkakamali nya. Kung mahal ka nun hindi ka nya pagmumukhaing tanga o kakawawa, saharap ng kaibigan nya, kaibigan mo at sa kahit sinong tao. Kung mahal ka nun kahit sinong dyosa ang lumapit sa kanya hindi ka kapagpapalit nun. Kung mahal ka nun hindi ka niya sasaktan intensyonal man o hindi.

Nakita mo na ba sarili mo sasalamin? Almost 15 years na tayo magkakilala, never kita nakita ganyan kamiserable. Please lang konting respeto, at mahalin mo naman ulit sarili mo, ikaw lang at wala nang iba makakatulong sayo. Alam ko tanga ka, martir ka, bulag, eh kapansanan mo na yan, wala na ko magagawa. Pero ikaw meron, alam mong may gamot dyan, ayaw mo lang inumin. Bakit, kc mapait? Hindi mo gusto lasa? Eh paano kagagaling?


Disclaimer: Ito ay para sa kaibigan kong si Mae. "Gurl gising na sisimulan pa natin ung bagong libro, ikaw ang writer, buhay mo ang topic."

MOP

MOP=More Old Poems

FUNNY LIFE

I believe we write our own stories
and each time we thought we knew the end?
We don't.
Perhaps luck exists,
somewhere between the world of planning, the world of chance
and in the peace that comes from knowing that you can't just know it all.
Life's funny that way.
Yes, life is simple, you make your choices and you don't look back.
Once you let go of the wheel, you might end up right where you belong.

inspried by little black book movie written July 28, 2008


TRUTH

The acceptance of the truth that joy and sorrow,
laughter and tears, success and failure
are not confined to any particular time, place or people,
but are universally distributed and should make us more tolerant of
and more interested in the lives of others..
not to mimic, not to compare, not to envy
but instead to learn, to understand and to cope..

I've learned that to be true, I must fully accept that at this moment,
I can only be what and who I am.. No more, No less..
However, with the inevitable passing of each moment of time,
I will gradually, but surely change...
to become more or less, better or worse, stronger or weaker..
My choice is the direction of change..
It is mine alone..
The only true competition is this rivalry with my changing self..
It is the very basis of the grand eternal plan.

wala lang written July 31, 2008


DELICIOUS AMBIGUITY

I still dream of a fairy tale story for my life,
surpassing all hardships
and a happily ever after ending with my prince charming.
I’ve wanted a perfect ending.
But now I've learned, the hard way,
that some poems don't rhyme,
and some stories don't have a clear beginning, body, and ending..
That I thought I've already gone through the worst, but I was wrong.
We can never write our life story and predict the ending,
know when should be the climax,
limit the chapters and know when the dead line is.
Life is about not knowing, having to change,
taking the moment and making the best out of it,
without knowing what's going to happen next.
Delicious Ambiguity.

i love this written Aug. 26, 2008


STILL CRYING

It’s been a while..
That my wrists are crying, dark, crimson tears
They’re shedding their sadness, they’re shedding their fears
Can't you see, they’re not shedding a smile?
Last time they did that, damn its been a while
Now look at my eyes, they’re starting to flood
Don’t you notice that they are full of blood
Right down my arms, right now my cheeks
I’m not feeling whole, i actually feel weak
My body’s going numb, I’m starting to speak
Crying that isn’t over, that I’m still not free
If only you could notice, if only you could see
I never wanted this to happened
But im still suffering from the pain
Wonder when it would end..

part 2 of may first poem pain inside, written Nov. 6, 2008

Realities about Love

** Love is not enough to make a relationship work - it needs compatibility and it needs commitment.

** It just takes a moment to experience infatuation, but true love takes time. Loving or liking a person doesn't happen overnight.

** To love is to risk not being loved in return.

** Love is over-stated. Love eventually ends and you are free to love another.

** It is possible to experience true love with more than one person there are many potential partners you could be happy with.

** The right partner will fulfill many of your needs but not all of them.

** Good sex has nothing to do with true love, but making love does.

its not a poem but a reality check for me, include ko na rin, July 28, 2008

OP

OP = Old Poems, mala tulang nilulumot na sa taguan ko.. post ko ulit dito..

Dahil na tats ako kay asher yan na po rewust mo copy pase ko na lahat dito at may nagrereklamo na ang dami ko na post sa comic strip ko na ito hahaha!

PAIN INSIDE

I lay in bed at night with tears in my eyes
Trying not to cry
All this pain inside
I just want to hide
I try and try
But it won't go away
It stays locked in my heart
I feel like I'm falling apart
But i hide it deep inside
Where no one can see but me
The tears are starting
Now I'm crying
My heart is dying
But i keep trying my best
Just another night like all the rest
But the hardest part
I can’t complain
That I’m still feeling this inside me
And I know I am to blame

my first ever poem written Dec. 2004 sa sobrang tagal na hindi ko maalala exact dati. naka lagay rin yan sa FS ko..

FOR YOU, FROM ME

Somewhere along the line we lost that bond, the trust.
I miss what used to be and what was us.
The way we talk & those endless nights.
The giggles, those stories and new discoveries..
How we could always convince each other we'd be all right...
Every time one is feeling low, sad and lonely.
Knowing and learning that someone always had your back and cared.

Sharing our most intimate secrets, our own personal jokes.
No hesitations to help out if the other one was broke.
Our friendship was so special filled with happiness.
There was such a strength and not and inch of doubt.
Finishing our sentences before one could even speak.
Never get tired of each other not even after weeks.

I have barely seen you for God knows how long.
Things between you & I have changed.
And our relationship is somewhat strange.
I miss what used to be and what was us.
Time has caused for this to rust.
Enjoying our moments we were so happy.
We treasured every second we spent together.
Held onto the memories like they'd last forever.

Now you're distant from me...
And i know I'm missing you so much.
Your right, we have what we had, on the wrong time..
But I'm happy on what we kept inside our hearts.
Only time could tell what would happen next.
But I’ll keep on hoping, dreaming that someday,
Someday we’ll both say that “this is the right time..”

for someone special, my bestfriend written May 2005, summer vacation.

I DON’T BELIEVE BUT

I don't believe in ghost but I believe in life after death,
and that there is a place where we can feel true serenity..
I don't believe in hearsay instead I search for the truth and facts,
but as they say if there's smoke there's fire..
I don't believe in failure but I believe in continuously struggling to succeed,
and that we should never stop on dreaming and hoping..
I don't believe in defeat but i believe in gambling and risking,
and that one should keep on fighting for triumph..
I don't believe in fate but I believe in hard work and luck,
and that the first often leads to the second..
I don't believe in destiny but i believe in true love,
and that someday somehow, it would still be a happily ever after story..

inspire by a friend, written July 11, 2008

I WILL

I will tell you what I will do and what I will not do.
I will act the way I wanted to,

but I could also show you what you want me to.
I will forget things I have to, those who no longer matter,
one who's creating clear disparity.
I will not serve that in which I no longer believe,

whether it call itself my home.
I will try to express myself in some mode of life or art
as freely and as wholly as I can,
using for my defense the only arms I allow myself to use
— silence, exile and cunning.

may galit, joke lang hahaha written July 17, 2008

STAND UP AND SHOUT

Most of the time we try to hold our emotions,
scared to let people know what we really feel inside..
To frighten to let people learn that deep inside,
the real you wants to break loose..

There should come a time for us to stand up and shout:
"This is me damn it! I look the way I look, think the way I think,
feel the way I feel, love the way I love!
I am a whole complex package.
Take me or leave me. Accept me or walk away!
Do not try to make me feel like less of a person,
just because I don't fit your idea of who I should be
and don't try to change me to fit your mold.
If I need to change, I alone will make that decision."

When you are strong enough to love yourself 100%,
good and bad - you will be amazed
at the opportunities that life presents you...

thats me shouting written July 25, 2008

What I wasted

I wasted a lot of time thinking about you,
but treasured those moments, happy and blue..

I wasted buckets of tears I shed every night,
but kept those dreams, having you by my side..

I wasted tons of emotion I kept inside,
but never did I have to hide..

I wasted all those feelings, I held, I kept,
but not those affection you shared, you left..

I wasted all hope, wishes, visions and even cue,
but one things left, memories of you, who I fell in love to..

written Jan 21, 2009 -chinkay-

Living

I always learn the hard way
Even though I know what to do
I still keep the hard-headed me, each and every time
I listen, I'm a good listener, I think..
But when decision making comes along
I ask for opinion but do what ever I want
No matter if its right or wrong..

I'm a risk taker but something, someone
Came along and I never dared to try..
I know the reason, I'm not brave enough..
I realize that what I'm showing people now is a cover up..
An armor I created to protect my self..
Is it wrong to try to prevent my self from hurting?
That's the only way I know to keep me from dying..
I regret what happened, still I feel the pain..
I tried to spare my self, I failed, I was hooked..
Now I have to save my self from this poison I willingly took..
But I know, I'll live.. sure I will.. hopefully soon..

written Jan 6, 2009 -chinkay-

- idol asher update ko na blog yan.. para sayo hahaha.. but i wont include poems I wrote before 2009, just wait for me to update Our Sweet Corner para sa mga lumang pomes ko :punish: mahirap magkalkal no hahaha..salamat sa pagbabasa :blush:

?

Leaving is hurtful,

When there are things you remiss..

Waiting is painful,

No matter how short it is..

Forgetting is dreadful,

No one can get through this..

But not knowing is awful,

Worst kind of suffering which exist..

written March 13, 2009 -chinkay-


* Dahil hindi ako makasulat ng update sakin, mga recent poems ko muna.. Yan pa lang kase nagagawa ko lately. Saka na ko magkwento ng update sakin. I usually express my self through poems and essays when I cant just simply write whats really going on. May masaya naman nagyari last week end ung vacation namin.. Promise next entry ko un na lalagay ko dito about sa vacation namin sa villa. masaya kase un eh.

Hell Day 101

Hell day ngayon maygulay.. ayoko muna pagusapan, pero sumisigaw ng bonggang bongga sa utak ko. Eto nanaman ako sa instinct kong never nagkamali.. At sa mga nabasa kong sagot feeling ko confirmation un :ohno:.
Buong araw akong nasa loob ng kwarto, kalalabas ko lang, nabasa ko ata lahat ng pending ko libro, wala nanaman ako gagawin mamaya. Eto ung mga araw na ayoko eh, ung tipong ayoko na magisip at ayoko na intidihin mga bwisit sa buhay pero pilit silang nagsusumikasik "Hindi ba nila ko tatantanan!".

Tahimik akong tao, bihira ko magbigay ng opinyon ko lalo na kung tingin ko hindi maganda sasabihin ko, pero lately binago ko un. Naisip ko kase mas mabuti nang magsalita kesa mauwi sa isang rambol ang lahat dahil sa hindi pagkakaintindihan. Pero hindi ako marunong magsimula ng away, lagi ako nagtatanong muna para malaman buong storya bago ko manggera kung may dapat gerahin, hanggat mapapalagpas ko, papalagpasin ko yan, pero hindi nila malalaman kung ano inisip ko, iintidihin ko lang lahat.

Paano ko palalagpasin ang HELL DAY ng buo parin ako ganito:

1. Think of happy thoughts! Joke, hindi ako ganon tipo ng tao, lalo ko mababaliw kung gagawin ko yan. Kaya ginagawa ko, eh libas ang lahat ng sigawan na nasa utak ko. (c/o Dear Someone sa symb, pangtangal tension)

Dear Someone,

Sinabi ko lang laman ng utak ko, ang hirap kung tatago ko lang un. At sa reply mo sakin, your making me conclude na tama ung hinala ko. Now kung hinihintay mo sagot ko sa last text mo, you wont be receiving any. Hindi ako mang-aamo dahil mas wala ko ginawang masama. I've been dealing with you for a long time now so dont give me that crap. You know what I'm taking about, I wont be acting like this kung hindi mo ko ginag* dati. So Mr. P your free for a long time now, hindi mo ba narerealize un?

2. Talk. Hindi ko pwede tumahimik, susko baka magkaaltapersyona ko kung tatahimik lang ako kahit na angdami ko gusto sabihin. Sa mga kaibigan ko salamat sa pakikinig. Kahit hindi ko kayo sinusunod, dahil sa katigasan ng ulo ko, salamat sa walang sa walang pagtangkilik sa nakakabaliw kong mga storya at himutok sa buhay.

3. Eat. Yan un eh. Kaya ko lumalapad ng todo. Parang gusto ko kumain dahil sobrang pait ng panlasa ko. Pero tingin ko dahil gutom din ako, buong araw ba naman ako magkulong sa kwarto hindi ka ba naman magugutom nun.

4. Read. I want to move out sa mundo ko kahit sandali lang. Papasukin ko muna ang mundo ng isang libro para marelax utak ko kahit konti. Pero ang catch, give me 5 minuntes at mawawala ang konsentrasyon ko sa binabasa ko dahil bumalik nanaman ako sa mundo kong puro sigalot. :ohno:

5. Sleep. Yun eh kung bibigyan ako ng pagkakataon makatulog kahit sandali.

6. Shower. Hindi pa ko naliligo buong araw noh, natural maliligo naman ako. At para marefresh/mafreshen up, rin naman pakiramdam ko oh ha! :beat:

7. Write. Yan ang ginagawa ko ngayon ang magsulat ng kalokohan umaapaw nanaman sa utak ko. Ayoko mastuck sa isang lugar/bagay/pangyayari kaya sinusulat ko na lang.

8. Final stage. Pagisipan, harapin at pagdesisyonan. Sa anim na pampalipas oras na yan wala mangyayari mabuti pwera dun sa una, medyo nakakabawas ng bigat. Pero alam ko parin kailangan ko gawan ng paraan kung ano mang kabwisitan ang nagyayari ngayon. Ayoko ko nang tumatagal ang mga kaletchehan sa buhay ko, 24hours lang dapat(kung kakayanin).

Disclaimer: Ito po ay mga paraan ni chinkay. Hindi ko alam kung epektib sa iba, pero sakin OO.

Ngayon wala pa ko naiisip kung paano gagawin ko, tinapos ko ang Step 7, nakaligo na ko, pero gutom ulit haha! Ayoko naisipin ito bukas, kung pwede ko tuldukan ngayon gagawin ko na. Sana lang gising pa ung taong concern pagnakapagdesisyon na ko.

Wala kang alam!

"Malandi ka!"
Nagulat ako nung may tumawag sakin ng ganyan, sa tanangan buhay ko wala pa nagsabi sakin na malandi ako ng hindi ako nakikipagbiruan. Naginit ulo ko, kumunot noo at kumulo ang dugo ko. Tatangapin ko na ung maarte, wag lang malandi iba kasi dating, pagiyong salita ang ginamit. Tapos sasabihan ako ng ganon, wala ka alam sakin!

Makalokohan ako yan madalas na sinasabi ng mga kaibigan ko na nakakakilala sakin, puro katrantaduhan laman ng utak, pero pagseryoso seryoso. Tahimik pag may problema pero magaling magtago at magpangap na ayos lang ang lahat. Pero hindi ako mukhang friendly or approachable di gaya ng nanay ko, miss congeniality kasi nanay ko, kahit sino basta ngitian lang siya kakausapin na niya un. Hindi ko na mana un sa kanya, kapareho ko ng ugali tatay ko, tahimik at mukhang laging nakasimangot, sanay nanaman ako na parang lagi ako mukha galit. Dinagdagan pa ng ugaling nakuha ko sa tita ko, maarte, mapili at mabusisi. Oo aminado ko, ganon ako, alam ko rin na hindi ako mabait, masungit, mataray at maangas daw ako tignan.
Kiber! Una hindi ako nanghuhusga ng tao ng hindi ko siya naoobserbahan o nakakusap, kaya madalas inaasahan ko na ganon din ang gagawin sakin ng ibang tao. Mali, sa mundong ito hindi mawawala ang makitid ang utak, mga taong mapanghusga at mga taong hindi nagiisip, sayang naman. (Yan ung mga taong pwede iauction ang bahaging iyon ng katawan, siguradong mahal kasi hindi pa nagagamit. Rare kung baga.)

Sabi nga madaling maging tao pero mahirap magpakatao. Hindi pinagaralan o yaman o estado sa buhay ang pamantayan sa mundong ito kundi ugali at kung paano ka makisalamuha sa iba. Hindi talino sa napagaralan ang basahean kundi talas ng isip kung paano makibagay at kung paano lumaban ng patas para mabuhay. Hindi antas sa lipunan kundi pagpapahalaga sa damdamin at respeto sa kapwa.

Kaya isa lang ang sagot ko sa nagsabing malandi ako, isang malamig na "Hoy, hindi mo ko kilala para sabihan akong malandi, gusto mo magpakilala ko?!


written Jan 19 '09 -chinkay-

Cycle

**naloka ko, ang hirap pala nung contest ni memoy buti hindi ako sasali ang theme is 'Perfect Stranger'.. pero gumawa pa rin ako ng version ko.. buong shift ko inisip 9hrs pero wala ko natapos.. nagmass ako kc ash wednesday.. may kasalanan ako inopen ko celphone ko during homily.. kase dun pumasok mga lines na pwede sa poem ko.. churi po.. natapos ko naman today..

Buzzing of the bees,
Breaks the silence within me.
Bringing back those memories,
Of our laughters over coffee.

You came uninvited.
Never did I expect it.
Someone who's searching.
And the other one who's longing.

Then soon we parted,
Like eclipse, it ended.
The someone I long for,
Seems too near no more.

Here in the darkness,
My life's a mess.
Alone with nothing,
With my heart still mourning.

Again we're two strangers,
Out in the middle of nowhere.
You, my almost lover.
Who left me alone, as ever.

revised edition

Buzzing of the bees,
Breaks the silence within me.
Bringing back those memories,
Of our laughters over coffee.

You came uninvited.
Never did I expect it.
Someone who's searching.
And the other one who's longing.

With you in my life, I never have to hide,
Dreams and memories of having you by my side.
These emotions, that has awakened me inside,
Never did I expect will soon subside.

But then we parted,
Like eclipse, it ended.
The someone I long for,
Seems too near no more.

Again we're two strangers,
Out in the middle of nowhere.
You, my almost lover.
Who left me alone, as ever.

-my supposed-to-be-entry.
ill just add this to our sweet corner instead..

Backspace, Delete at Ctrl+Z

Lagi ako sa harap ng computer sa trabaho at kahit pagdating sa bahay computer parin ang kaharap ko. Kaya madalas napapaisip ako, bakit kaya sa buhay walang backspace, delete o undo, kung meron lang sana edi sana mas madali ang buhay natin ngayon. Madami narin ako maling desisyon sa buhay kahit pa pinagmamalaki ng nanay ko na proud siya sakin dahil nakatapos ako at hindi natulad sa ibang mga pinsan ko na nakapagasawa ng maaga, meron parin ako mga pagkakamali kahit papano, at tingin ko inevitable un. Hindi nga lang ganon kalaki ang epekto na tipong pati mga magulang at pamilya ko ay damay. Pero ang sigurado ko sa mga pagkakamali kung iyon apektado ako, ang pagkatao ko at ang paniniwala ko. Kaya madalas kong isipin sana kaya ko na lang gamitin ang backspace sa lahat ng panget na nagyari sa buhay ko para mas madali. Delete ang mga sad memories na hanggang ngayon eh naalala ko parin. Kung pwede lang mag-undo sa bawat maling desisiyon para hindi ako nagiging emosyonal, di sana mas madali wala ng "senti moments".

Pero hindi kase ganon, sa buhay touch move and lahat, paggumawa ka ng desisyon, ihanda mo na lang sarili mo sa mga mangyayari at kahihinatnan. Oo pagiisipan mo yan ng makailang libong beses pero anu't ano pa man hindi mo parin alam kung ano mangyayari bukas.

Ang sakit sa ulo, bakit ba naman kasi ang damidami kong dapat isipin o mas tamang sabihin na ang dami kong inisip, minsan gusto ko na magreklamo kay Lord kung bakit nya ko binigyan ng active braincells, gift ba 'to o pahirap. Madami akong naaalala, mga bagay na gumugulo sa isip ko hanggang ngayon, ang masakit hindi lang basta basta memories un, mga parte na nanunuot sa damdamin. May kirot sa dibdib kahit alaala lang mga yan. Panghihinayang ba? O agamagam? Duzko Lord pwede bang pagpahingahin nyo muna sa pagtatrabaho mga braincells ko, kahit isang araw na day off lang.

Eto ung mga oras na gusto ko na lang sana gamitin ng backspace, delete or undo, para mas madaling gawin at isipin ang mga bagay bagay, para hindi ko na maramdaman ung sakit, ung pait na dulot ng mga alaala. Ang kaso kahit anong pindot gawin ko sa keyboard ko, kahit ilan beses ko pa gamitin ang backspace, delete at ctrl+z, ung document sa monitor ko ang nababago, pero ang pakiramdam ko ganon parin.

Pero sandali, sigurado ba ako na ganon ang gusto kong mangyari? Mas gugustuhin ko na nga lang bang na ibasura ang parteng iyon ng buhay ko? Kung magkakaganon ibig sabihin, pati ung mga bahagi ng buhay ko na kahit papaano eh nakapagpangiti at nakapagpasaya sakin eh mabubura din. Mahirap naman kasing bahabahagi lang ang mabura, parang magiging chapter ito ng isang libro, na kulang kulang ung detalye, parang hindi maganda. Kung iisipin, mas mabuti pang wag na lang isama ung buong chapter. Pero un nga ba ang gusto ko? Ang tangalin ang buong bahaging iyon ng buhay ko?

Sa ngayon nagdadalawang isip na ako kung nanaisin ko magkaroon ng backspace, delete at undo sa buhay ko. Naiisip ko kasi maraming masasayang, nakakapanghinayang rin naman. Siguro mas mabuting isipin ko na lang na, natuto ako sa mga pagkakamaling iyon. Itatatak sa isip na hindi madaling masaktan kaya sisikapin ko na lang na hindi na maulit iyon. Pagiisipan ng makailang milyong beses ang bawat gagawin ko, kasi pagnagditiw ka na ng desisyon, wala ng bawian.


written Jan 13 '09 -chinkay-

Complicated, Complications, Whatever

It's Complicated, This Love Thing

by TorturedTourniquet

It's complicated, this love thing.

It makes you think of who you are.

It makes you wonder what you need.

It makes you choose sometimes.

It makes you hurt inside often.

It makes you warm when you're all alone.

But most of the time people are the one who makes it too complicated.

**I never imagine my self being too complicated. Neither did I see my self more than ordinary. Well I am ordinary, one who would never stand out in the crowd, one would just walk there and no one would bother to look at. Doesn't matter.
Hell I care if people won't notice, I don't need, never wanted any attention.

But who am I?
Friends would say, I'm the snobbish, silly, unpreditable person they'll ever meet. My mom would say the laziest, ill-tempered, weird, loving daughter she'll ever had. My dad would probably just tell you the wittiest sweet girl in town(Nax! I love my Dad..). My brothers? Hmm my broes, their annoying ever gengerous but vicious Ate in the world..
All those makes me laugh(mas maraming negative kesa positive, hahaha..). Well, can't contest on that, honestly those are facts. If I'll be describing my self.. I'm the most ill-tempered, patient, snobbish, nice, evil person you'll ever meet..

I'm unpredictable, yes I'm. I think before I speak but I often regret my actions, but hey I'm just human I commit mistakes and learn from them. (I'm hoping that im really learning.. haha..)Someone says I'm unreadable. Hmmm.. I know I don't look approachable but me being unreadable, that never crossed my mind. That I can conceal my thoughts. I think I'm to moody for someone not to know what I'm thinking. I'm still puzzled on this. But one idea hit me about this, I never let people see my weak side, my other side who's longing and wanting to be understood. People see me as the tough one, someone who can came up with the brightest idea and the best solution on a given situation. Wrong!
If I'm that kind of person I'm not supposed to be hurting. I'm not supposed to feel miserably weak at some point. Darn, I'm the most undecided, confuse, shattered person I've ever known..

written Dec 27 '08 -chinkay-