Ménage

With a pair of bloodshot eyes
From a dark alley I hide
Trying to read each mind
As I survey people, who pass by

Then a group catches my attention
With their presence and certain action
I caught myself attentively listening
To their laughters, as if hiding something

Then suddenly I found myself in the circle
Sitting and hearing each soul's whisper
Each face masked a unique individual
In their eyes reflects a precious jewel

An unparalleled character each holds
Makes me wonder and anxious to unfold
For me to search and discover their name
How each person differs as they play a game

Each day with a prize of trust we earned
Respect to each other we have yearned
Seeing those smiles as we all gather around
Of which I vow to protect every single one

A surprise I soon recognize and uncover
I'll carry a bond of each in my heart forever
They fill the hollow part of my daily routine
Something we shared that nobody had ever seen

-written April 22, 2009

Haven't written for quite sometime, don't know busy I guess..
wala sa mood. So I checked my files, I remember this poem. Papa ask me to write a peom for him. At usually pag ang inask sakin I try to portrait that I'm the person who's asking me to write something for him/her. Kaya madalas kung hindi ko masyado kakilala ung nagask sakin may interview portion muna. I guess I read his innner thoughts through that poem.
Yan ung nagawa ko hindi ko lang alam bakit hindi pa ginagamit ni papa..hahaha..

Thoughts - Iloveyou Kris Allen!

Darn darn darn! Kris Allen won.. his American Idol 2009.. Aylaabbeeettt...
shoot nainlove ako sa lalaking 'to grabe.. lalo na nung kinanta nay ung Heartlesss at Ain't No Sunshine.. mygulay ilovehim na...

CONGRATULATIONS

Kris Allen

Kris Allen's smooth vocals and boy-next-door image propelled him to "American
Idol" victory Wednesday, turning the theatrical powerhouse Adam Lambert into the
most unlikely of also-rans. "I'm sorry, I don't even know what to feel right now.
This is crazy," said a stunned Allen, 23, of Conway, Ark. As host Ryan Seacrest
said in announcing the result of the viewer vote, "The underdog, the dark horse,
comes back and wins the nation over."

Hindi na ko umaasa dahil alam ko na si Adam Lambert ung mananalo, i have nothing against Adam magaling siya pero simula ng natangal si Danny Gookey si Kris na bet ko tapos kinanta nya pa ung heartless dusko panalo super..

Pero in fairness madaming magagaling sa batch na ito ng American Idol lalalo na nung top 5 na lang.. wala ka itatapon magagaling sila.. ang they gave agreat show kanina shet winner.. agree ako sa mom ni Kris mageenjoy ka sa show kanina ang gagaling.. tapos meron pa bago single ung Black Eyed Peas, YEAH!
Basta naaliw ako un lang kaya na paOnline ako ng si oras.. at hindi na ung scandal ni katrina halili ug iniisip ko wahahahaha...

Wanderer

A restless flight
Of this lonely knight
Hoping he would find
The happiness of his life

Every night he wonders
If its time to surrender
All those memories he gathered
Until this moment he utters

Like a dream that came true
The day he met her, he knew
She's his princess, he longed for
Until his life is through

Then she left him for someone
Telling him, he have done none
But the feelings are all gone
Coz she thinks he's not the one

Then he utters "We're better off this way,
You, letting me go and setting me free
Now, I have to go and walk away,
Even though it's breaking me."

-written April 12, 2009
madami nagrereact na friends ko na lalaki dito sa sinulat ko.. hmmm..
affected? wala na naman ako pinatatamaan dito, when I wrote this binase ko lang siya kay mikeyl.. his the one who ask me to write him a pome about him self..

Chance

I had my heart wounded deeply
But now I'm coping slowly
I'm starting a new journey
To try and write my own story

It's another ordinary day for me
After a period of solitude, now I'm free
Walking in this hallway briskly
Looking forward to everyday with glee

But out of nowhere you came
Then, it's no longer the same
Your smile rattled my game
And turned my world insane

This anxiety inside my core
In search for the one I adore
Vision of you that I can't ignore
It's your presence I longed for

I just wanted to get to know you
Look at you until the day is through
I'm hoping you'll notice all the clue
That, my pure intentions are true

-written May 09, 2009
by request ni mikeyl para daw sa kras niya, hmm hindi niya masyado gusto so I think I need to revise it. pero wala pa ko sa mood mag sulat, pasensiya..
but I love my poem kaya post ko muna dito.. thanks sa mga nakaappreciate..

Again, the anguished masked

I got 4 poems na nasa chinkzode ko pero wala dito sa blog ko.. hmmm...
Sige update natin.. lagay ko ung 3..
Confession - these are all about me and no one else. It's some kinda "time table" of what happened, I guess.. harhar!

Anguish

A sleepless night,
For a restless soul.
With gloomy lights,
In this dark hall.

Staring blankly,
With a cluttered mind.
Her eyes were lonely,
Of memories unkind.

Bloody tears flow,
From an empty stare.
Now left in the shadow,
Broken beyond repair.

All these sorrow,
Shattered her core.
Hoping that morrow,
Would ease the sore

-written March 25, 2009

Masked

Silently she dwell
Here in a dark cell
A place like hell
She blend so well

Never did she tried
To unlock her mind
Share what's behind
That intuition she hide

Once, she had risked
To an emotional frisk
Then suddenly she fell in
But lose the game of flirting

No trace of teary eyes
Nor forced weak smile
Though she's breaking inside
Beneath a poker face she hides

-written April 23, 2009

Again

I held an emotion for so long
Tried disregarding it, as I move along
Somewhere I thought, I belong
No one notice it, as time goes on

All lot of which were true
Eventhough it makes me blue
I kept everything inside hidden
Coz I know, I have to end it then

So I drop the feeling
Long before I came back
But with no warning
Now my armor's starting to crack

Again I'm here inside where
I don't wanna be trapped
A familiar sullen place
I'm trying to adopted

What do you held
That makes me vincible
Again I'm wrecked
For me, being so gullible

This is so disturbing
I can't believe I'm slowly breaking
But I have to end this anxiety
And again, stop this tearing agony

-written April 25, 2009

So bahala na kayo magassume kung ano, sino, kelan, saan at paano ha..
but I'll assure you I'm ok..

Thoughts - Privacy

Darn it..
After 20 long years this the only time I had my own room.. my own meaning I'm no longer sharing with my aunt or my brother.. P-R-I-V-A-C-Y at last. Purchased my own bed, my sheets, my dresser, my hamper ect ect.
We're 5 in the family my mom and dad, me and my two brothers, luckily when we move here we 3 got to have a out own separate room. Hear that S-E-P-A-R-A-T-E.
Of course we respect each space, one should knock before opening the door, even my mom and dad does that, unless my moms trying to wake my up coz I'll be going to work. At first I usually lock my door, I dont know, I got used to it. But mom got problems in keeping her spare keys so she ask me if I could just leave the door or my room unlock when ever I dose of sleep, so if ever she have to wake me up it would be easier, if a knock wont be enough, so I did. Only my mom who's allowed to do such, so coz even my dad won't just walk in if ever he needs something from me or if ever mom's not around and he needs to shake me off to wake up.
But just then my youngest brother started entering my room with out me knowing, I didn't mind it at first because mom told me that he needs to call someone and the phone outside is busted (I got an extenstion in my room, no where else), so I let it pass. But darn it, that one time became twice, trice and now very often and most of the time that happened without me knowing, its either I'm outside doing chores or when I'm sleeping. Just because he needs to borrow my phone to text someone, darn he has to go around my room before he could get my phone on top of my bedside table. And damn my phone, can you imagine, I don't certainly have any videos to keep privately but still, darn it that thing is still private.
Motherfathersheetofpaper(memoy thanx for this expression), I know its my brother but still, my dresser doesn't have any lock, my closet got one but the tiniest I have, my everyday bag's lying on the floor, most of the time zipper open. My things are everywhere in the room but I know where to look for certain things if ever, I dont what someone messing up with it, with those. There are some stuff I keep that nobody's allowed to see, look at or read, even my mom. I don't want someone getting things from me without permission, coz still those are mine. I just feel like I was invaded and I HATE IT!
My room is my comfort zone, here I could show what I really feel. Most of the time, usually when I'm not really feeling ok, I would wear a mask infront of my parents, I don't want them to see the soft side of me, I don't want to worry. Inside my room I could take that off and hug the emotion I'm keeping inside. That's another reason, my room keep my secrets and if somebody unwelcome come in, I feel like they are trying to gey something from me, something precious, something I keep.
Darn, this is enough, nobody could ever come into my room ever again, unless I'm aware off, unless I let that person in. I'll locking my doors everytime. I'll ask my mom to keep the spare key where she could easy remember she left it. I'll have my privacy back, I'll have my comfort zone again, to what its used to.

some parts of my room, maayos pa cya dyan.. ngayon super gulo na..
ung mga picture sa baba ung closet ko ung sa taas ung dresser..

kung makikita nyo ung dresser ko ngayon eh mas marami na dyan ang laman..

pati ung upuan puno na ng libro hahaha.. maayos pa yan.. kase wala kalat na bag, flipflops, book at shoes sa sahig hahaha..

Runaway

Sitting on the sand by the shore
As I watch the sunset go
A magnificent sight to see
For a lonesome someone like me

Reading a book in a corner
In a cozy part of this busy diner
Here no one notice my presence
I can be me with no pretence

I had no idea where my heels are headed
Ranging this road I'm completely engaged
With an awesome beat from the car stereo
As the night goes by in this crazy metro

Staring at the dark sky above
Looking at those stars I loved
I wish I could go where they are
Leave and run away, that far

They’re comfort zone where I want to be now
A hiding place even just for a while
But reality brought me back to my senses
I'm here in my room, alone and homeless

-written May 03, 2009

Thoughts - Now

This is me, now.

Panalo ang araw ko ngayon, walang ako tulog nakainom at mamaya iinom nanaman kami ng mga officemates ko.

Kahapon pa ko hindi ok, ayan para sa mga friends ko na super concern sakin, yan inamin ko na, sa mga watch mode sa blog ko at humanap ng butas para sa ikasasaya ninyo, I'm f*cking breaking right now, para sa taong, again pinagkatiwalaan ko pero hindi naniwala sakin hehe damn, you really know how to break me seriously. Salamat

It's confession time..

(guys don't worry walang makakasilip ng butas dito this is all about me.. I need to write it.. and get lost for a while..)

I know what I've done this past few weeks, ung mga bagay na pinagkakaabalahan ko, ung mga "surprises" ko. I know my goal and focus why I'm doing that but I never did expect I'm this weak. Ngayon, hindi ko na alam kung bakit ko ginawa un, kung dahil sa evil plan ko or I just wanna let people know how I rule someone (Darn, I'm so selfish).

I manage to keep mum about what's, happening eventhough I'm aware about it, halos hindi ko nagagawa ung part ko, thinking na baka mapahamak ako or baka maputol ung ginagawa ko. Worst is I'm enjoying it, while loosing the idea of the real deal to what i'm doing.

Now, I wanna apologize to all of you, to those people whom I call my family. Sarili ko lang inisip ko this past few weeks, hindi ko man lang kayo nakaya ipagtanggol, for the stupid reason na ayoko makialam, damn, dapat nakialam ako dahil ako ang puno't dulo ng lahat ng ito. Sorry na inisip ko lang ang sarili ko, in holding back because ayoko madamay. At first I know my purpose for doing so, but as it goes nawawala un, sorry talaga.

I'm playing this goody goody girl not taking sides pero feeling ko hindi ko nagagawa ung dapat na ginagawa ko for all of you, para dun sa mga taong nasa tabi ko eversince, sorry for being so weak and for being so selfish, alam ko kasalanan ko lahat.

What happen? Honestly nahirapan ako aminin, kahit hanggang ngayon indenial parin ako, pero nangyari ang kinakatakot ko, bumalik ung dati, the stupid affected me, ung sinulat ko na again, totoo un. For all those so-called lies na naririnig ko from him, may part ako na naniniwala sa kanya, I know fault ko ito, sakin nagsimula at hanggang ngayon parte ako. Ang dali ko kase maniwala, ang dali ko magtiwala ulit kahit marami na nangyari dati. Kahit pa kung ano ano na ung alam ko, ang tanga tanga ko. Sorry talaga, sobra ako kaapektado nung time na nalaman ko ung result. You dont deserve those, kung meron man dapat nagkaroon nun, ako lang dapat, ako ang root nito aminin man natin o hindi.

Sayo kung babasahin mo pa ito o hindi kiber..

sayo ang galing mo , you know me to well, it seems so easy for you to make me feel miserable. Tutal you wont let me explain myself and you wont understand we're I'm coming from, dito ko lilinawin sarili ko para gumaan ang pakiramdam ko kahit konti, sa space ko na walang pwede makikialam, walang sino man ang pwede magdelete at dumedma. Una, sa lahat ng accusations mo, walang kahit isang tama, maniwala ka o hindi, wala akong ipipilit. Nung sinabi ko wala kame ng taong un, wala kame talaga, wag mo ipagduldulan sakin ang hindi totoo.

May gusto kong ipaisip sayo, nailugar mo na ba ang sarili mo sa lugar ko? Kahit isang beses? Your accusing me of so many things, but whenever I'm clarifying my side, myself you wont believe me. Kung gagawin ko sayo iyon ano mararamdaman mo? Someone you know, already accuse me of such thing, ikaw rin pala. Salamat ha.

Alam mo problema mo? Sinusubukan mo magbago hindi para sa sarili mo, kundi para sa iba, well, thats flattering honestly but you know, whats bad about it? Once may maling nagawa ung dahilan mo sa pagbabago, magkakaroon ka narin ng reason para bumalik sa dati at tigilan ang nasimulan mo na, tama ba? Ginagawa mo ung mga bagay na ayaw mo gawin sayo, pero you're too close minded to understand and even hear the other person. Ang bilis mo pa magconclude salamat, maraming salamat.

Ako, na dapat gumagawa sayo niyan, dahil sa lahat ng kasalanan mo sakin, ako pa ngayon ang nasa negative note, ang galing mo talaga. Sinubukan mo ba ko intidihin, everytime na sinasabi mo na ako ang may sala?

Sasagutin ko ung tanong mo, HINDI sakin galing ang mga un, nacheck mo na ba ung sarili mong mga post? Nareview mo na ba lahat? Kahit ung mga deleted? Going back from the beginning? If you can bring back the past, so do I, so do other people, who's aware, hindi mo rin ba naisip that people could dig the past and bring it back? Naisip mo ba un? Naisip mo ba na ikaw mismo ang nagfeed sa kanila ang mga linyang un?
Stop accusing people sa mga bagay na ikaw mismo ang may gawa. Stop asking for something na hindi mo rin naman papakinggan. Don't act na ikaw lang ung nasaktan, put*ngin* kung ikaw ung taong hindi papaniwalaan sa mga bagay na sinasabi mo, ano mararamdaman mo? Masyado ka na kafocus sa bagay na inaapi ka, ni hindi mo nakita kung ano nagyayari at sinasakripisyo ng ibang tao para sayo. Ang nakikita mo lang ung mali.

Tinago ko lahat ng yan sa sarili ko, tingin mo ba kung alam ng lahat ang nayayari eh meron parin ako kakampi ngayon? Nakakatawa noh.. Balik nanaman ako sa dati, back to zero ko dude.

Nakakapagod ba? Mas nakakapagod ang magpakatanga at hindi paniwalaan after mo magtiwala at maniwala ulit.

Sa mga taong nandyan lagi sa tabi ko, sana maintindihan ninyo ko, kung magagalit kayo sakin maiintindihan ko rin naman, alam ko ang mali ko, alam ko ako ang may kasalanan kaya maiintidihan ko un. Sorry ulit sa inyo.

Sayo, tama ka, Good Luck. I tried hanggang sa huli, pero wala rin nangyari, at aaminin ko nagpakatanga nanaman ako, anu pa bang bago.