A Piece of Me

Material Girl II

2011-01-17T06:30:00.005+08:00

I've browsed through my post and seen Material Girl post.. So I decide to create part 2 checking if I did had a change to get those things I want.. Lol!

On my Previous post I'm torn if I'll be getting an Ipod Nano (Blue) or an Itouch.. Apparently, I settled with a 8GB Violet Ipod Nano given by my cousin

Then I taught of getting myself a camera D3000 on my older post but I was able to get this baby third quarter of last year.. some accessories.. sweet!

Sadly I haven't bought a new phone yet.. I'm still thinking on what to get but I'll just decide if I will include that on my 2011 list harhar but luckily 2010 gave me a cool present though we already have one of this who am I to say no..

won in over a raffle last weekend during our post xmas party! Love it..

Now should I create my 2011 Material Girl III "want list"? hmmm..

Need to think about it.. :)

A Yuletide Poem

2011-01-17T06:22:00.003+08:00

Christmas

A reflection of one's soul

On a single Christmas ball

Hanging on the tree so tall

There, at the end of an empty hall

Then, everything became familiar

Laughters and cheers fill the air

Children are singing everywhere

While some are wrapping gifts to share

Colorful Christmas lights in every corner

Simple decorations are every where

This is the only time they feel life is fair

Without thinking if someone does care

A little girl is sitting by the window

Watching people come and go

She notice a girl held by her father

And gazed as they walk away together

Then tears fell down as she opened her eyes

It’s sad to be alone and now she realize

Santa couldn't grant the only wish she asked

Because even He cannot bring them back.

Written December 18, 2010

Last poem I was able to write last year lol!

Weekend Life

2010-11-15T11:35:00.003+08:00

Whoo! after sometime I was able to spend my weekend with my friends and I had a fun weekend.

Saturday: At the back of my head I want to go home early to sleep because I have shopping and dinner date that night. Unfortunately I stayed at the office until 12 noon because I need to complete my phone time. So I got home around 1 o'clock in the afternoon talked to my mom about the birthday surprise that we are organizing for my Aunt on December. I slept for 2 hours and run to Trinoma to meet Midz. While waiting I bought a sponge and e.l.f concealer I've been hunting for ages (I lurve it!). When Midz arrive we head to Ideal Vision in SM North to get me my first pair of contact lenses. The Optometrist checked my eyes and almost tied me just to pull the lenses on lol! (First time eh!) After the my battle, we head to Gerry's to have "light dinner" with Tinz and Nok. Chicka over dinner is the best medicine for all illness lol. Because Nok is annoyed about the sound system and the chaos at Gerry's we just finished our dinner and look for some place to chill when we saw something that made my eyes twinkle on that resto along the way, which made us stay. Darn, I've been looking forward on having him again and there we meet again, a bucket of Tanduay Ice yeah my night is complete. Over chikahan and cigarette smoke my Saturday night is complete. Until I got home and struggled to take off my contact lens for almost an hour. (Note: Thanks to Nok for your coaching me.)

Sunday: Woke up at around 9am and watch some series I've been following for a couple of weeks now when I receive the text from Louise and Nikki to meet them in Starbucks, Araneta at 2pm at first, then was changed to 5pm. I missed this chikahan time with them over coffee, pastries and cigarettes. Of course, a day won't be complete if we won't have kulitan pictures and this time around with an extra lol (details later or might be another post hehe). After which the 2 of them watched a movie while I when to one of my co-leagues place to drink with the LNP team. I had fun drinking and eating with them, the question and answer is so cool, that made me think "I should hang out with them more often" and I think I would we called it a night around 12midnight. Got home around 1AM texting some of my friends telling them - I've seen Destiny that day hahaha..

Movie Date

2010-11-01T11:51:00.006+08:00

Me and my two bodyguards, I mean my brothers went out for a movie date last Saturday. We watched The Social Network and was amazed about the talent of the said Youngest Billionaire to date. Damn! he really knows scripts to build an uber addicting site. Anyway, we decided to take the 5:10PM showing, grab some grocery and eat. We really had a great time, a friend told me that I'm lucky to have this bond my brothers, well I am, but mind you weren't this close before. We fight a lot, scream shout at each other and wrestle. Yes, you heard me right we got to the point where our yaya can no longer stop us harharhar, but that was before. I think as we grow older we realize that we have a lot in common, though I'm the only girl (well technically). We three, love gadgets (we spend much geeez with those, ask our mom), we love shoes (I can asked their opinion when buying girly shoes, don't get me wrong), we love eating (hehe, we can try any thing we want, it came to a point where Jeje - the youngest got his allergies when we ate in a new resto), we love sports (basketball, NFL, billiards, boxing name it), we love photography, we adore our mom (we can't say no to her) and high respect for our dad (we need his approval on anything). We love each others company, we can just sit down, have coffee (or beer) laugh and talk all day (my mom and dad would sometimes butt in with the conversation lol!). I really had a great time last Saturday, I think we need to do that more often, most probably with my mom during movie dates and with my dad during happy hour lol!

Time

2010-10-27T12:19:00.004+08:00

Whoohh now I realize that I have a lot of things to learn before I can take excellent photos. I signed up to a forum which I know could give me tips and tricks on how to fully use my cam and whoa I’m learning a lot just by reading each page. I’m really a newbie on this, I love taking pictures, I started with an old school film point and shoot camera without zoom when I was in grade school. When we created our school news letter I was the one in charge to take pictures of the featured story. I usually cheat, instead of taking and going to the location where I need to take the picture I would just browse for video footage of our story and will take the picture of it on my PC screen, lol but no one would notice that the picture wasn’t for real. Then my Aunt gave me a new film cam now with zoom, I can no longer remember the model but it was made by Olympus. Since then I was the official photographer of when we’ll have gatherings or party. I never purchased any point and shoot digital cam, I don’t know why but what I know is that I can’t afford to buy the cam I really wanted so I settled to just use my camera phone and borrow my Uncle’s Cannon and Sony digicam. Then after sometime I got a simple Kodak digicam at work price for my hard work whoohhoo! Then this, but I haven’t used with my camera for more than a week now, the last picture I’ve taken was pictures of our agent on the floor smiling while taking calls. Darn! that was ages ago but I try to bring this on Saturday on my movie date with my brother and try to just simply take photos of him, of use and make fun of our selves, the usual things we do when we need some time to think, relax and unwind. I know he needs me now and I will make time for him. And I know I’m not as good as those photographers out there but I know is that I can learn to take better snap shots of these memories I will treasure.

Excuses

2010-08-13T12:16:00.002+08:00

Over coffee a friend blurted out "Siguro naman sanay ka na sa cam mo?!" Instantly I answered "Hindi, tinatamad ako eh!" then I remembered what my best friend told me last week, "Magbasa ka, gamitin mo, walang mangyayari kung tinatamad ka, sayang lang yan."
Darn, what's with me. I've been craving and wanting this stuff for almost 2 years and now that I have it, I didn't even opened it's bag for 3 consecutive days. I'm convincing my self that I'm just too busy and too tired to hold it, open it and try to mess with it. Ito ba ung tipong, gusto ko lang dati kase wala pa ko, tapos ngayon meron na ko eh maiisang tabi ko lang nanaman??? But I'm reading topics and articles about it once in a while. Kahit nasa office ako nagbabasa ako ng tips and tricks about it.. (Sana wag mabasa ng boss ko 'to hihihi!)
Hmmm lemme think.. I just have a lot of things to do now and I can't give time to fully use it to my hearts content but I'm no longer craving for it, unlike before. Not that don't want it, but because I already have it. I could make use of it once I have enough time to enjoy all its worth. And it would be just there sitting on a special corner where I left it. Unlike having someone in your life which needs time, effort, explanation and attention. My excuses are acceptable. I would bet, if I'm talking about of a person here surely he wouldn't give a damn if I'm busy and too tired not to mind him. Lucky me, I'm not referring to a human being here.

Newly aged

2010-08-04T12:42:00.003+08:00

I'm too hooked on reading this manual..
Too eager to know and learn things..
Too busy to travel and explore..
But my career and social life is not boring anymore! nyahhaa!
Loving these things which keeps me busy..

Excel

2010-04-11T20:52:00.002+08:00

It's my first time to bring my work, home. I just remembered that I sent a file last Friday coz I can't figure out what formula in excel should I use to get the summary for each criteria. And still I can't figure it out! I've asked my brother, check online, am I just to lazy to check all possibility?! Waaahh I need this tomorrow. Marnie Help!

Kodakan

2010-04-02T13:32:00.002+08:00

I just created a photoblog. I was inspired coz the full memory warning sign on my PC is blinking every now. When I checked my save files most of the huge files which ate up all the space on my memory where my photos so meaning I need to find a storage room where I can dump all those huge files. So I decided to create my own photoblog though I'm not good in "capturing the moments" or what not but I love pictures and stuff. I have taking my own pictures but I love taking one and keeping them.
For now only 2 photos here: http://schinkayne.blogspot.com/ were posted because I'm still on the process of complying all those pictures. Busibusihan mode again.. :)

Suddenly

2010-03-28T15:40:00.003+08:00

Suddenly there was silence, I know this scene only happens every Friday in the office with the absence of those people around us. But lately this scenario is getting more more usual.
My friends would usually caught me thinking or day dreaming or preoccupied maybe but not just silent in one corner, empty-minded. I know something is wrong lately and I needed this to stop. But I don't know when it started or how or why.. I can't ever write or finish my book for heaven sake, my book is sitting on my desk since I don't know and I haven't finish 1/4 of it. What with me?!
I don't even chat with anyone, if someone would talk to me I will answer but wont engage in a long conversation like before. I won't see anyone, well except from the fact that I just want to rest during my off, I just can't force myself to leave.
I just finish talking to someone, exchange of updates, answer and question. And then there was silence again.. Oh darn, whats happening to me..

to be continued.. lol

For..

2010-03-28T14:47:00.003+08:00

Sorry friend I'm not in the mood to write, so I'll just share this hehehe..

Letting You Go
By Mariann Estaniel

Your sincere words, your sweet smile,
The way you talk to me makes me blind.
You always come in when my world falls apart.
You held the key to my broken heart.
But that was then, this is now.
I really thought we'd make it somehow.
But I guess things between us are just not meant to be.
I'm not right for you, and you're not the one for me.
The thought of letting you go breaks my heart.
'Cuz in my life, you play an important part.
It's so hard for me to give up on you.
For giving up on love is something I don't do.
But I have to face reality, everything has changed.
It's all over, things are not the same.
You're with someone else now, and I am free.
I'm free to move on and go where I want to be.
It's really time for me to let you go.
So here I am, ready to let you know,
That I'm so thankful to have you even for a while.
I'm stronger now, I'm not going to cry.
Because when you left me, I realized that I was strong.
Those days of you and me are all over.
But it's something I would really remember.
It's one of the precious moments of my past.
Though I knew in my heart that it wouldn't last.
In my heart you'll be kept in a special place.
The memory of you will never be erased.

I don't really agree on that girlfriend.. coz according to you people I'm the masochist/martyr type that's why I would prefer this peom..

Still Here Waiting For You
by Tinydancer46

As I look into your eyes
I can't seem to look away
I get lost into the moment
Each and every day

You thought I didn't like you
You thought that I moved on
But to tell you the total truth...
My feelings aren't gone

I'm still here, still waiting
For us to finally be
I'll stay here for as long as it takes
For you to be with me

I'm still here inside your heart
I'll never give up on you
You'll never find anyone else
Who loves you like I do

I'm still here just waiting
For you to finally realize
I'm still here waiting for you to see me
How I see you through my eyes

Hell for false hopes.. wahahaha.. misha guys..

Death

2010-03-27T14:52:00.003+08:00

I saw links to know when I will die then I tried it here's the result
Then I got curious to know how will I die, I searched for it and here's the result

hmmm.. funny? what if its true? In less than 45 years from now I'll be dead by a nuclear holocaust possible by the said year, aight?! or car accident? hmmm... possible..

Earthquake

2010-03-25T14:01:00.002+08:00

6.1 - 6.2 magnitude earthquake at 1:29 pm GMT + 8. Tectonic origin and strongest in west of Manila. The earthquake has been felt throughout the Metro. I was home surfing the netting thinking that I'm just to sleepy, when my dad says that the earth is shaking. I instantly do the sign of the cross and thought of my mom and 2 brothers who were out. Hope they'll go home safe later. Specially Jon-jon, its his birthday tomorrow, hope he got to his office and be home later safe.

Extra Challenge

2010-03-23T10:56:00.002+08:00

Going back to work after 4 straight days on leave and off. Don't get me wrong I had fun but I feel like I needed more time to relax.. But do I have a choice hehehehe..
Anywho, I'm still looking forward for April coz where going to the beach.. where going to the beach.. extra challenge to lose weight huhuhu.. I really gained a lot of weight since I transferred to Marikina huhuhu.. Good Luck to me..

6 months

2010-03-21T15:25:00.004+08:00

Kung hindi pa pinaalala sakin ni Loisa mag anim na buwan ko na pala namimiss ang dati kong pasaway na buhay. I miss my old teammates, my old drinking buddies, my friends for almost 4 years. Kakamiss ang PGR, kaya kahit kung lang pa pahinga ko gow kagad ako kanina 7AM sa G2. Kakamiss ang walgn humpay na inuman after shift. nasulit nito ung leave ko. Yes after 6 months nakapagleave ako. From overnight swimming sa Pampangga to may Lola'a birthday celebration to PGR mini reunion. Kahit wala pa ko masyado pahinga ngayon ok lang, nakapagkulitan naman kame sa Pampangga ng fam ko nung friday night, food trip ng buong angkan namin ng saturday at inuman ng fave ko na team ngyon Sunday. Thanks thanks guys nasulit ang leave ko.. Mwah!
Miss ko na PGR kaya itutuloy natin ang swimming reunion ayusin natin yan kailangang nandun ang mga pasaway na team natin lahat dapat hehehe.
Sa April naman ang puerto natin ha lam nyo na..
Hay I miss the petiks day na wala ko problema sa sked ngayon dami gagawin pero atleast nasulit ang pahinga ko.. Love you people thanks for mayking me smile, laugh and crazy everytime..

Missed you Girl!

2010-03-17T13:28:00.002+08:00

Surprise surprise!! Seeing Meimei waiting at the lobby yesterday is really surprising. I haven't heard from her for almost a month. Gosh, I never thought we'll click that much though we haven't gone out. She's one of my best agent and I missed her so much. She broke my diet yesterday but it's worth seeing and talking to her. I never realize we're so near, less than 15 minutes from the nearest Starbucks where we can hang out and chitchat. I'll be seeing you on Thursday girl, the chismisan galore and all.. Misha! Mwah!

Rewind or Fast Forward

2010-03-15T13:00:00.004+08:00

I can't describe the feeling on how I would react last night seeing two person who affects my state before. Two different person,two different reaction and two different situation from then 'till now. Funny coz I don't even know how to react now. Anyway, I was left dumbfounded twice after last night. First after we ate dinner, I was looking at the old folk I've know before but his trying to figure out where he'd seen me. Darn it, do I look that hideous and fat for people not to recognize me?! Oh well, we did talk about the things but my cousin has to butt in, to well stop the "moment", hell! thanks cuz! Then he left but did look for me to bid goodbye, leaving me thinking that he change so much but his still that nice guy ever since I've known him. Second was after that goodbye, I was shocked seeing his person coming, its like a slow motion scene but then realizing that I was part of a practical joke when I saw the person behind. But this time I was not given any change to chit chat but could constantly catch someone looking. On one instance I smiled and he smiled back, darn if only he could hear my side comments which made my cousin laugh. Funny how that night end, I asked my relative's, my dad and mom that I'll go ahead and hit the sack coz I'm really sleepy though it's not yet midnight. I asked my brother to bring me home because I'm too sleepy, just to learn that he was also leaving (that early), I mean "they". I don't know if that a coincidence or if I'm hallucinating but I saw him looking at our ride while we leave. Is he eyeing my brother?! Harhar but for cheese sake, his with someone!
Oh well, that was just it. I rarely visit those cousin of mine and I rarely go to that side of my world, Why? Because they don't know whole complete me, most of them knew me as their precious, sweet, dear cousin whose having weight problems as of the moment but can still get back on track in no time, the only daughter of their cool uncle who knew what she wants. Yes, everything about me is positive and good on that end of the road. Sometimes, I like that thought but most of the time it makes me sick coz it's making me realize on how huge their expectation from me is and it sucks. Oh darn life, even their welcome questions, Where is your boyfriend? And when are you getting married? I know I'm not that young anymore but please I don't even have one and marriage is not yet on my vocabulary. And I know I'm bitter because recently someone.. ah never mind.
Anywho back on the real topic, that was just like a gist of something which made me remember that chapter of my past, my insecure highshool days til my exciting college years, Me being the aloof, snobbish, unknown, off-limits cousin of their friend.

Farewell

2010-03-14T14:59:00.002+08:00

See you there little angel.. I know I haven't seen you for a long time.. But learning that I could no longer see you smiling when I go there later is breaking me..
I know He now needs you there but all of us here will be missing you..
We'll miss you cuz..

Will You Still Love Me Even If I'm Not Perfect?

2010-03-13T15:51:00.002+08:00

*from a friends post which she got from her email from a friend...

Will you still love me even if I’m not perfect? Will you still love me even if I’m not the kind of person you wished I were? Will you still look into my eyes with warmth even if you saw my shadows? Will you still hold my hand even if you knew there will be times I’d let you down?

For though I yearn to take care of you as I should, though I desire to love you with a love that never falters and fades, my knees tremble this very moment that you hold me in your arms.

Shall I kiss you? Shall I hold your hand and bask in the light of your spirit knowing that I have my darkness, knowing there will be times that the light of my love will sometimes be overshadowed by the darkness that is in me?

Sometimes I’d be silent and I might bore you. I may not laugh at your jokes, and you may not understand the spell that’s enshrouding me. Sometimes I’d get troubled and I’d fail to put into words what the hell it is that troubles me. I wouldn’t be good company then, and I couldn’t make you smile.

Sometimes I’d get moody and I might not enjoy the things you’d like us to do together. Sometimes I’d lose my temper and I’d no longer act like the fine person who stands before you today. Sometimes I’d get jealous and I might say things I don’t really mean. Sometimes I’d talk too much that I might drive you away.

Sometimes I’d get touchy and I’d get easily hurt. And no matter how mature I try to be, at times I’d act in childish ways. I’d demand things I shouldn’t, I’d say thing I shouldn’t say. And no matter how much I desire to protect you and make you happy, sometimes I’d be the one who’d cause you the most pain.

If you will love me I cannot promise you that I will not hurt you. I cannot promise you that I will not make you cry and that I’ll never break your heart. But if you will love me, I will bare my whole self naked before you, and I will reveal to you my soul. If you will love me, you can be certain that it is I that you will love, not a mask that fools you and gives you only what your eyes desire to see. If you will love me, you can be certain that you will love the depths of me, all of me that is in me, and I in turn will love you with all of me, with all my soul, with all my mind, with all my spirit, with all my flaws and beauty, and with all my very heart.

Prob?

2010-03-11T12:51:00.001+08:00

Sobrang swamp ako with work lately, all I do is, go to work, do OTY then go home. Pagdating sa bahay magtsecheck ng facebook, papasok sa kwarto magbabasa hanggang sa makatulog.
Sa limang araw sa isang linggo ganon lang ng ganon. Ung natitirang dalawang araw? Hehe ung isang araw dyan nasakop na rin ng routine ng panglimang araw ko kaya kung susumahin isa't kalahating araw lang talaga ang kunwariang pahinga ko na hindi nagtatrabaho. Anong ginagawa ko? Hehehe syempre matulog at magpahinga un ay kung hindi ako yayayain ng mga kasamahan ko lumabas para mabuo ang panganim na araw sa isang linggo ko o alilain ng nanay ko para makasama sa mamili ng kung ano ano.
Pero meron ako narealize, marami pala ako napupulot na kung ano ano sa trabaho ko, hindi lang tungkol sa trabaho. Anu un? Isa-isahin natin.
Babala: Ang mga makikita ninyo sa Ingles na lenguwahe ay mga salitang nakakasalumuha ko sa araw araw na ginagawa ni Bro sa buhay opisina ko.

Convey problem. Paraphrase. Fact find. Give all possible option. Suggest the best solution. Delete add refresh. End call/hung up/recoding ended. Sa opisina normal ito, mausisa ang mga tao nakasama ko, lagi nila tinatanong kung ano ang problema ng mga taong nakakausap nila tapos susubukan uriratin ang gumugulo sa mga kausap nila. Tapos tulungan at ayusin kung ano man ang sulirananin. Pero sa tulad ko na bihira na gawin ito at nakakukuha lang magobserba at magcomment, minsan iba na tingin at pakahulugan sakin ng mga iyan.

Conveys problem. Pagkakaroon ng problema, suluranin, posibleng sakit sa ulo, mga dahilan ng hindi pagiging normal, mga hindi inaasahang pangyayari sa normal at maayos mong buhay na nagdudulot ng pighati, kalungkutan, saloobin at kalungkutan. Na minsa'y nauuwi sa pagkakaroon ng masalumuot na pangyayari, karamdaman, damdamin at pananaw sa buhay, un eh kung hindi mo babaliwalain ang isang problema.

Paraphrase. Ito ung tipong pagtangap na meron kang problema. Minsan kase hindi natin iniintindi yan o iniiwasan para lang hindi mapraning, magkaroon ng sakit ng ulo, mahighblood at para walang dagdag isipin dedma ang madalas ginagawa ng karamihan. Pero mali dahil hindi naman maaalis ang isang problema kung hindi mo susolusyunan o haharapin hindi ba?

Fact finds. Alamin ang dahilan. Bakit ka nga ba namumublema sa ngayon? Ano ang mga posibleng dahilan? Anong ang mga pangyayari sa buhay mo na naglandas para magkaroon ng ganitong suliranin? May nagawa ka bang pagkakamali? Bakit ganito ngayon? Yan kinukwestyon mo na sang sarili mo. Normal, lahat ng problema ay may dahilan, may pinanggalingan, kung kinukulit ka man ngayon ng sakit ng ulo na yan, ikaw rin ang may dahilan.

Give all possible option. Isipin ang lahat ng possibleng solusyon. Hindi totoo ang sinasabi ng karamihan ng tao na "No Choice" lahat ng ay binibigyan ng pagpipilian. Marami posibidad na magging solusyon sa problema. Nandyan na ung, dedmahin hanggang sa kabugin ka na lang bigla isang araw kakadedma mo. Paglaban kung ano talaga ang nais mo kahit pa may matatapakan kang tao. Magkapakamartyr at gaga dahil gusto mo maging mabait sa paningin ng iba. Sundin ang tamang sinasabi ng utak mo. Pakingan ang sinasabi ng puso mo dahil gusto mong maging masaya naks! Maghintay. Ugatin ka man, mamuti ang mata, putian ng uwak at kahit kapitan ka man ng mga suso at lumot, parang umoorder ka lang sa fast food, ganon ang drama mo day, "willing to wait" ka parin. Pero sabi nga choice mo yan, yan ang mga pagpipilian at alam ko marami pang enumeration dyan kaso hahaba masyado next time naman.

Suggest the best solution. Yan eto naman ung multiple choice part. Piliin at gawin mo kung ano tingin mong tama para sayo. Hep, naintindihan mo ba? Ang sabi ko kung anong tingin mo tama PARA SAYO. Bakit may emphasis? Kase hindi parepareho ang choice ng bawat isa, ikaw at ikaw lang sa sarili mo ang makakapagsabi kung ano ang tama para sayo. Tried and tested, ganito yan eh, maraming tao ang lagi humihingi ng opinyon ng iba pero at the back fo their mind meron na talaga silang desisyon, kahit gaano pa katama ang suhestiyon ng ibang tao kung iba talaga ang gusto mong mangyari un parin ang susundin mo. Bakit ka humihingi ng opinyon ng iba? Marahil humahanap ka lang ng taong aayon sa gusto mong mangyari at mapatunayang kahit papaano ay tama ka. But again, isipin mo maigi ang mga posibilidad at mga pwedeng manyari para makapagdesisyon ng tama. You might choose something that is not the best option for everybody but it is for you.

Delete add refresh. Eto ung troubleshooting part, solusyon kung baga. Eto ung proseso na ginagawa mo na ang dapat mong gawin para matuldukan o matapos ang dagdag na pasanin kinahaharapan mo. Kung ano naman ang pinili mong solusyon eto na ung parte na un. Minsan sandali lang tapos na, pero kadalasan hindi, nandyan pa ung parteng may pilitan, iyakan, sakitan, sagutan, sigawan, sumbatan at kung ano ano pang -an. Minsan naman nililiteral ng ibang tao ito as in delete add refresh talaga lalo na kung usapang puso ang usapan sows. Delete iitsepwera na kung sino naman ung napapasakit sa kalooban. Add kumanap ng kapalit, sakit nun para sa taong "panakip butas na lamang" . May mga taong nakakakalimot lamang kung meron na kapalit, pero kahit saang angulo tignan hindi parin tama. Refresh tama lang ang katagang ito kung positive ang kinalabasan ng pagkakaroon ng Add, kung hindi naman nagadd, ibig lang sabihin ay nagmomove on ka na .

Eto ang mga resulta sa pagharap sa problema.
End call tapos an ang problema, nasulusyunan na ng tama at ok ka na.
Hung up eto ung negative part ng end call dahil maaring hindi nasulusyonan ang problema mo, paranget ang kinalabasan at nahihirapan ka parin kaya balik ka sa parapharasing para pagnilaynilayan ang mga nangyari.
Recording ended walang ending, nakabitin ang lahat posibleng hindi tinanggap ng kabilang partido ang desisyon mo at hindi siya sumagot, kaya wala parin solusyon.Walang tuldok.

ang dami ko sinabi, pasensiya na at tamad na tamad ako magtrabaho ngayon araw na to kay ito ang ginagawa ko sa opisina. Tagal ko narin hindi nagagawa ito in fairness. Paumainhin ang ang daldal ng mga daliri ko.. Peace yahall!

Material Girl

2010-03-08T12:44:00.010+08:00

I haven't got any new gadgets lately, the last time I bought a cellphone (not a replacement) was last year. Darn, I was planning to buy a laptop and camera for a long time now, but I haven't got one wheww.. Anyway, from today I only got 2 months to decide if I'll be buying a new phone or a cam, it's like a "tradition" me and Lois were doing since we started working together.
Touchscreen phones and QWERTY phone are taking over. I've been a Blackberry user before this BlackBerry 7100t

then I got tired of that QWERTY keypad so I shift back to an uber friendly Nokia 6630. Then got my self a Nokia N95 which is serving me for 2 years now and added a Nokia 7210 Supernova as my secondary phone last year. Now its almost time of the year so I have to decide if I'll be getting my self a gift harharhar.. If I'll be getting a new phone I have to sell one of my phone or just give it to my brother.. hmmm.. I'll try to sell it first harharhar.. My phone choices? First is this nice touchscreen phone Samsung 8003 Jet

loving this touchscreen phone with 5megapixel camera or this Blackberry Bold 9000 either black or white

I kinda miss using Blackberry lately specially when my Tito got that model. So slick and the white one is so chic hehehe.
Nokia E71 is another phone I like the red or black one coz Nikki got the this phone in white..

Hmmm.. if I'm not buying a phone probably I'll settle with a new Ipod Nano or Itouch instead hehehe..

I like the black or blue one :)

or this itouch
or if ever I just get my self Nikon D3000 which I've been longing for almost a year now..

wheww.. I really wanted a MacbookPro but don't have money for that yet. I'm not even sure if I can afford that camera either.. Oh well, I'm just planning or thinking of buying.. I just needed to think of things like this as of the moment..
Diversion yeah! :)

Cheesy

2010-03-07T15:00:00.001+08:00

I read this conversation from one of the books I’m reading during my off. The first characters line is “Forget me, forget everything about me..” then second character answered “I’m sorry but you can’t get rid of me that easily, you can try to hide from me but I promise to not to leave your side” then the story continues and at the end the first character ate his words and says “Forget about forgetting me I don’t think I can live with that..” awww.. cheesy.. (Disclaimer: I read this line from a book for real, sorry to burst anyone’s bubble :peace: )
I don’t know why but I’m fond of reading this cheesy kind for stories lately arg! I don’t know why. I don’t even have a love life, one of my friends just recently broke up with her partner and most of the trainers and our boss are teasing us to look for a boyfriend and wtf its already March not February “the love month” duh!
Anyway, back to those cheesy lines, forgetting is not an easy thing to do or learn, like the saying one can forgive but won’t ever forget. Amnesia is not an airborne disease. But there is this “Selective Memory” phase that I can recall we discuss in training, helpful but not cure for this forgetting thingy. One can cut all possible means of communication, text, call, messenger, forum, blog site, website, email, letter, telegraph, radio, ect. One can be swamp with work, problems and everything but are you really sure if that stubborn mind with its brain cells friendship would also stop from functioning so they won’t torture you from those pictographic images called memory. In short this is not an easy task. Amnesia is really hard to fake. Lol.
Some people never get tired of waiting, wishing and hoping. I salute you guys. Risk takers, masochist, selfless, martyr call them whatever you want. They are the people who chase, pursue their own happiness. To these people are brave enough to risk their emotion, never minding the pain and hurt that could equate the “what happen” next.
Anywho, life is something you create and decide upon on. We are all given choices and choose what you think is best for you. Some could show the result to everybody while some would just let things happen. For me, I love surprises or either I conceal too much. What about this line? “Forget about forgetting me I don’t think I can live with that..” hhhmmm its just a cheesy line that I don’t think could happen in real life.

Things?

2010-03-04T12:19:00.001+08:00

I just got my new pair of sneakers. It’s not the brand that everyone is swooning to have, some of my friends would prefer a different one, different color, they might tell me to get the brand that I used to have but I like this, I actually love it. It’s color white, simple, chic, comfy and actually cheaper. And I think it would serve me long enough, ‘til it gone dirty and worn out.. I thought of wearing it last night but before left I had a change of heart harharhar. So I settled with one of my stiletto instead with a mindset that I’ll be wearing the sneakers the following day hehehe.
Mom saw the paper bag with the shoes when I arrived yesterday. Then I heard “tsk tsk tsk.. sapatos nanaman!”. I just heard myself answering “this is different, I’ve been eyeing this pair for ages, just had a chance to drop by the store so after 100 years I bought it.” Then my mom answered “what the difference? Is still a pair of shoes. How many pairs do you have? Include you slip-ons!?” Instead of answering I just close my bedroom door, end of conversation.
I’m fond of collecting shoes, bags, wallets, glasses, gadgets and shirts, my mom would even complain when ever I keep all of them though most of them are just at the back of my closet. Mom would organize it and we’ll end up arguing because she wanted to give away some of my stuff. I rarely do that, think of it as selfishness but hell I care I won’t give those away easily. These things are mine, I save money for most of them, time to decide whether to buy it or not, energy to find where can I find stocks if the first few store I raided doesn’t have my size anymore, effort of sending emails to my aunt abroad and convincing powers for her to buy me a shocking pieces of these little things hehehe. These are the things I really wanted, I dreamed of and wished for. So I want to keep it as long as I want to.

That’s me I don’t easily give out or give up on something that I treasure.

Today

2010-02-28T15:00:00.004+08:00

I was online around 2:40PM, hell dawasclos! Ow well, but this freaking weather is irritating. I was inside the bathroom taking a shower for most of my time to day, darn.
I haven't done anything to today, I'm so darn lazy. I didn't even catch someone today, didn't even leave me any message arg! Asaness urg! Bad romance is my LSS don't know why, but I recently appreciate this song..

The Climb

I can almost see it
That dream I am dreaming
But there's a voice inside my head saying
"You'll never reach it"

Every step I'm taking
Every move I make feels
Lost with no direction
My faith is shaking

But I gotta keep trying
Gotta keep my head held high

There's always gonna be another mountain
I'm always gonna wanna make it move
Always gonna be a uphill battle
Sometimes I'm gonna have to lose

Ain't about how fast I get there
Ain't about what's waiting on the other side
It's the climb

The struggles I'm facing
The chances I'm taking
Sometimes might knock me down
But no, I'm not breaking

I may not know it
But these are the moments that
I'm gonna remember most, yeah
Just gotta keep going

And I, I got to be strong
Just keep pushing on

'Cause there's always gonna be another mountain
I'm always gonna wanna make it move
Always gonna be a uphill battle
Sometimes I'm gonna have to lose

Ain't about how fast I get there
Ain't about what's waiting on the other side
It's the climb, yeah!

Then saw this "couple shirts" ang cute.. kaso hindi ata pwede sakin kase wala ko ka pair eh.. asaness.. asar..

aren't they cute??

Unfair

2010-02-27T15:12:00.005+08:00

How many times do I have to realize, that I live in a cruel unfair world.
Hindi ako mareklamo pero minsan hindi ko mapigilan ng tabil ng bibig ko. Unfair na kase sobra. Simulan natin nung bata ako.
Hindi ako pwedeng maglaro ng pool kase babae daw ako sabi ng lolo ko pero ang mga kapatid ko pwede. Unfair.
Nung nagaaral ako, hindi daw ako pwede maging honor nun kase nasa section 2 lang ako kahit na mas mataas pa ung grade ko dun sa isa na nasa starsection at isa sa honor hindi daw pwede un. Unfair.
Hindi daw ako pwede magover night sa ibang bahay sabi ng tatay ko kase babae daw ako. Unfair.
Hindi ako pwedeng gumimik nung college kase hinihintay ako lagi ng tatay ko paguwi ko, pero ung dalawang kapatid kahit 3 araw mawawala sa bahay ok lng. Unfair.
Hindi ako tinuturuan magdrive kahit ng tatay ko pero ung kapatid ko ipageenrol pa sa driving school. Unfair.
I'm always mistaken for being a cold snobbish spoiled brat. Unfair.
Hindi ako pwede magtanong kahit na pagkakalaro lang ng bagay, kahit ganon din naman ginagawa nya sakin dati? UNFAIR!

Hmmmm... right..

2010-02-22T10:40:00.002+08:00

"I don't know anyone who isn't haunted by something or someone. And whether we try to shove the pain with a knife or shove it at the back of the closet, our efforts usually fails. So the way we can clear out the cobwebs is to turn a new page or put an old story finally to rest."

"Never allow yourself to be treated as nothing by another person whom you valued so much. If there's no sense in waiting, then move on. If you feel you're not valued by that person like you do then let go. That's life."

MU

2010-02-21T13:43:00.004+08:00

Wag ka masyadong magexpect o magdemand. Wala kayong commitment.
Pwede ka naman magselos, pwede ka magtampo pero hindi ka pwedeng magalit.
Pwede mo siya lambingin, pwede mong yakapin
at pag nalaman mo na may girlfriend siya pwede ka umiyak.
Pwede ka masaktan pero di mo siya pwedeng sumbatan, wala ka karapatan.
At yan ay dahil ang M.U. ay isang Magulong Usapan.

Insensitive

2010-02-20T18:13:00.004+08:00

Darn, 6 bottles of Red Horse, kung ano ano na nga pinagtetetetext ko kay Jill.. Hindi mo pa rin magets kung bakit! Yes I won't admit it but I'm waiting for your text or in what ever way you want to contact me. Malas ko lng kase kung kelan ako sumasama sa mga agent ko sa inuman o nagyayaya whatever tska ka pa nagparamdam. Malas ko noh super.. Ilan araw ko na kinukulit ung isa to know kung nag tetext ka manlang tapos ka malas ko wala pa ko sa bahay ng pwede ka..
Then hindi mo magets kung bakit ako ganon magreply sayo?! Nak ng pulang kabayo naman oh.. hindi pa ba obvious un.. wag mo naman ako ipahiya sa sarili ko.. kung pinagtatawanan mo ko sa pinagsasasagot ko sayo hell I care. Kung naguguluhan ka, dude naman obvious naman kung bakit diba?! Kung galit ka, eh peste, bahala ka, magsama kayong dalawa. I drink 6 bottles of Red horse but I'm not drunk, alam ko mga sinasabi mo at sinasagot ko. Kung hindi mo magets kung bakit, bahala ka.. I waited almost 4 days for you to contact me tapos sasabihin mo sakin na marami ka naman pwede kausapin if ever, wow dude sana nagsquare na lang tayo eh noh :rofl:

Fellas

2010-02-07T16:14:00.003+08:00

I was aware for more than 24 hours from 7PM Friday night until 4AM Sunday morning but I had fun. From toxic Friday shift in the office (as me and other QCs call it.) I went to Gateway Mall to meet the Fellas, Jah was not there but its ok, meron pa next time diba Ja? Kala ko mawawalan na ko ng boses sa pagvivideoke namin mahigit 3 oras. Taob lahat ng pumapalit sa kabilang cubicle na ka ilang group na ang gumamit sa katabi namin videoke room sa Timezone kame matibay parin. Reminiscing Total Eclipse of the Heart, Halik, Luha, Flames, Kaba, Almost over you, Stupid love, Fame at maraming pangiba ang binanatan namin, naadik na nga kme sa amoy ng iba't ibang flvor ng popcorn diba Nikki hahahah.. Darn kala ko talaga mawawalan ako ng boses ng isang linggo after nun, nagalala tuloy ako sa Quality Talk naks! Sana sa mga makakapanood ng scandal na ipopost ni Lois, sana respetuhin parin ako ng mga ahente ko hahahaha. Pero may part 2 yan mga video na yan kase next time kumplato na tropa hindi na pwede mawala di jaja.. hehehe..
Anyway ayun nga after nun nakatulog ata ng less than 1hour kase nagising ako hindi ko alam kung bakit but what I know is I talk to someone til 4am after that.
PEACE YAH ALL!

For..

2010-02-05T12:21:00.001+08:00

carefully I let you go
hurting from being alone
reasons I been keeping so
inside my mind are doubts on
someone I've been waiting for..

Bloopers

2010-02-04T11:03:00.004+08:00

Darn, had a good laugh before I left the office and can't get over it. I'll share it to you guys.
I'm working in a callcenter for almost 4 years now. I know there are a lot of bloopers when an agent were taking calls. I'm one of the contributors for some funny conversation with Americans when I was an agent taking calls. Well, I'm very aware of bloopers in the callcenter but I just can't get enough of it specially now that I'm one of those wiretapper, eavesdropper, know-it-all-attention seeker who listens to other peoples recorded conversation, trust me you'll get bored of eavesdropping on someone's conversation but when you luckily spot an awesome blooper darn you'll cry laughing. I'll share those two I remember by heart because I listen to it recently :rofl:.
First is a call from my previous agent (let not name names ok!). Agent got the call and ask for the name. The customers last name is Callaghan, the caller pronounce it as Cal-uh-han. The agent was able to pull up the record and called the customer "Ok Mr. Ka-laghan this.." with Filipino accent then through out the conversation the agent pronounce it as "Mr. Ka-Lag-Han" darn, Janice and I can't stop laughing when we heard it. (I know I'm evil, Sorry).
Second is a call I listened to earlier. The customer called in and stated her inquiry on the call. The agent pulled up the information on the system, it showed that the account is under Patron White but the caller's name is Veronica Carrillo. So as per policy the agent needs to ask for the name on the account, verification. So the conversation goes..
Agent: May I ask for the name on the account please?
Caller: Patron Silver
Agent: And I'm speaking with?
Caller: Veronica Carrillo
Agent: Is the account holder there?
Caller: I'm the account holder, I ask to put Patron White when I got this coz I want that name to appear when coz I don't when other people to see my name. You know Patron White is a liquor..
Agent: Ok, so can I speak to Mr. Parton Silver? (harharhar)
Caller: I'm the account holder, I just ask that name to be use on my account.
Agent: Ok, I understand, so how can I help you Ms. Silver?

Me listening while Laughing out loud, relayed the story to Janice we both rolled on the floor laughing(not literally heller).. darn this is what I love on my job, its exhausting but I could still go home smiling, I mean laughing hahahaha..
PEACE YAH ALL

Magic

2010-02-03T11:17:00.002+08:00

Magic by Colbie Caillat

You've got magic inside your finger tips
its leaking out all over my skin
everytime that i get close to you
your makin me weak with the way you
look through those eyes

And all i see is your face
all i need is your touch
wake me up with your lips
come at me from up above
yeaaaa, oh i need you

I remember the way that you move
your dancin easily through my dreams
its hittin me harder and harder with all your smiles
you are crazy gentle in the way you kiss

All i see is your face
all i need is your touch
wake me up with your lips
come at me from up above

Oh baby i need you
to see me, the way i see you
lovely, wide awake in
the middle of my dreams

And all i see is your face
all i need is your touch
wake me up with your lips
come at me from up above

Nothing much.. sound trip mode..

Start

2010-02-02T09:51:00.003+08:00

50 minutes jog on my treadmill, 1 glass of tea and a slice of tikoy were my breakfast earlier, before I open my pc and check my facebook harharhar. I've been struggling to lose weight for 2 years now darn, I'm not this fat since I started working in this free meal company. I weigh 105 lbs when I started April of '06 then 2 years later I started gaining weight until now darn darn darn! I was able to maintain it late 2008 but why can't I lose these fats now. :sigh: :depress:..
My grandma, mom and aunt are teasing me that I could no longer go back to my 105lbs self like before huhuhu.. But I wont give up. Treadmill everyday, water, lots and lots of water and avoid the chocoflooded space of Bogs' pedestal lol!

Twist

2010-02-01T12:32:00.002+08:00

I never thought about jumping into a cold lake at night, me without knowing how to swim, we'll not literally.
I came across someone today, never thought that I'll ever talk to him again since the time he decided to "forget" about me another way of saying "bye". Hell, that time, I switched my selective memory ON. But a few months later, I realize a lot of things. I can't just simply follow my emotional self, she won't show me the right way. I can't just simply forget what had happened before, coz I just simply can't unless magkamnesia ko. I can't just believe someone until I uncover the truth and talk to the people/person concern. I can't assume on things because I might seeing the opposite side of reality.
I want to ask a lot of things earlier but he got to go. We'll I guess it's not yet time to clear things up, hope that it's not yet time and not at all. I just what to talk about what had happened even though I know where the conversation would lead to hayz.. life.. can't get enough of drama.
I just remembered, he always say that he can't read my mind but does anyone know how to? Coz I would kill to learn, seriously. Lol.
Anyway, I don't know if that's an excuse or what but as I've mention no one I know could read minds. Its up to you if you want to know what the person is thinking and its up to the person if they would tell whats in their head (the top most, lol).
Hayz.. I want to talk to him but I don't know any way to do so or I might not have the same courage to talk to him again.. But why am I having this feeling that I wouldn't have any chance to see, catch or talk to him again..

Tsuyses

2010-01-28T11:03:00.005+08:00

Pinipili mo ang lahat ng bagay na nangyayari at ginagawa mo.
Pinili mong bumangaon sa umaga pagpapasok ka sa opisina o humiga muli para matulog pa kaya nagmamadali kang lumayas papasok para lang maipit sa buhol buhol na traffic sa daan.
Pinili mong maglakad kesa sumakay sa tricycle para lang maputikan ang bago mo sapatos, nakatipid ka nga sira naman sapatos mo pagod ka pa.
Pinili mo rin na maginom kasama ang barkada buong magdamag kesa magreview para sa klase mo kinabukasan, badtrip na hangover, wala ka pa masagot sa exam.
Pinili mong magpuyat araw araw kakaayos ng farm mo, kakafight sa mga kamafia mo at kakaluto sa cafeworld mo sa facebook kesa matulog kaya inaantok ka sa trabaho.
Pinili mong manood ng tagalong action movie para malaman mo na sa huli parin dadating ang mga pulis sa isang bakanteng pabrika o bodega para makitang tapos na ang laban at nasagip na ang seksing babae ng bida sa pelikula.
Pinili mong sumakay sa FX para lang makita sa unahan ang ex mo kasama ang syota niyang mukhang bakla. Bubulong bulong ka pa at magtetext sa barkada para ipamalita ang kabiteran mo dahil sa nakikita.
Pinili mong suwayin ang mga magulang mo at maging palaboy na lang sa lansangan.
Pinili mong malulong sa sugal, babae, alak at droga para saan? Para masira ang buhay at kinabukasan mo?
Pinili mong magpakamartir, loser at tanga kahit pwede ka naman bumitiw at magmove on na, 6 year na kayong hiwalay teh tama na ilusyon.
Pinili mong maghintay sa wala, umaasang babalik siya at matatagpo kayong muli.
Pinili mong gawin ang gusto mo kahit alam mong mali ito.

Pinipili natin lahat ng desisyon natin sa buhay, hindi totoong no choice, dahilan lang yan. Marami mga desisyon ang nakasalalay sayo. Maraming magiging sapantaha ang ibang nakakakita sa mga desisyon mo pero nasa iyo kung paano mo ipapakita na hindi ka katulad ng iniiisip nila. Ang mahirap lang eh ang mapatunayan mong tama nga sila at di ka naiiba sa taong inaasahan nila.

Behind

2010-01-27T13:19:00.002+08:00

A prisoner of anger and hatred
Misunderstood by people he met
Alone in life and never been wanted
Bitterness of life he won’t forget

The pain of being left behind
In this cruel world, full of lies
Has been suffering for being blind
From the truth, all through this life

A cry of someone about to die
No drop of tear fall from her eyes
It's only seen on her weary smile
A wounded soul in agony hides

-written Jan 27, 2010

Choices

2010-01-26T12:20:00.000+08:00

Choices… consists of the mental process of thinking involved with the process of judging the merits of multiple options and selecting one of them for action. Care in selecting, judgment or skill in distinguishing what is to be preferred and in giving a preference. Oh what the heck it’s simply deciding whether to get up in the morning or go back to sleep, or selecting a given route for a journey.
Something struck me, after the words “It’s about choices” came out of my mouth earlier in the office. It made me think of things, a lot of things. It started about this conversation with my officemates. There are decisions I make that made me who I am now, I wouldn’t lie, I regret some of which. But what can I do, I can no longer turn back time to change what had happened.
On the other hand, why are there people who don’t know how to use that little organ inside that hard cage at the upper most of their body? It’s frustrating to learn that a lot of words said are wasted, are just promises coming from a desperate stranger who wanted attention. Yes, I’m guilty on judging a person that she/he can’t do it, she’ll/he’ll just make it harder for us, she/he will be pain in the ass for all of us.
She/he said she’ll/he’ll prove us wrong, that this is what she/he really wants. But I’m sorry on what you’re showing us now. You’re just proving that I’m right. It’s a matter of choice my dear, in this world you’re in now, options are just inserts, decisions are vital and choosing are crucial.

Goin' Back

2010-01-25T12:45:00.004+08:00

Darn I don't have a life. Since I started to work in Marikina super busy na ko. Pero super lumolobo rin ako ngayon. Sabi nila stress daw nakakapayat, hindi naman ah. Tsk tsk tsk. Hay, wala na ko ibang buhay kundi itong trabaho kong wiretapping, kung dating 9hours lang ako lagi sa opisina at nakatutok sa AVAYA(telephono sa callcenter) ng 5:59AM araw araw para makauwi agad sa bahay noon, ngayon kahit gustuhin ko gawin un hindi ko magawa, ang dami ko kailangan tapusin. Bakit ko nga ba inusto ko ang trabaho ko ngayon na masmalaki pa ata sweldo ko nung ahente pa lang ako kesa sa dinami dami ng report na ginagawa ko ngayon nabawasan pa sinasahod ko, 'nak ng tokwa anu ba kase pumasok sa kukute ko.
Apat na buwan na ko dito sa ginagawa ko, 40 kilo na rin ata nadadagdag sa bigat ko, bwisit akala ko pa naman papayat ako. Kung ano ano na rin mga sakit naramdaman ko, epekto ng paglipat ko ng opisina. Dati Medium lang size ng shirt ko bakit ngayon masikip na ang Large, hindi naman na ko nagkakakain sa opisina, kulang pa ko sa tulog bakit ganon. Sa stress naman ay marami ako ngayon pwede ko na nga pagkakitaan kase hindi ako nauubusan ng supply araw araw.
Sa opisina hindi ko masyado naiinda frustration ko sa pagpapayat, pano ba naman sa "cube" namin ako ata pinakamaliit hahaha.. pwera kay Joax na sobrang payat hindi na ako nainsecure dun. Pero pagdating sa bahay, nak ng tokwa pagbukas pa lang ng TV lahat ng payat nakikita ko dagdagan pag nachecheck ko ung mga picture ko dati susme bakit ganon Bro ibalik mo lang ung dati ok na ko eh.. wala na ko hihilingin pa.
Then the other day may naalala ko, napaisip at biglang nanlumo. Bakit nga ba parang left out ako ngayon, wala na ko alam sa nangyayari. Pagtinanong ako about sa mga kaibigan ko kahit bagsak ako pero pag tinanong mo ko sa latest standing ng NCO Site Marikina versus other vendor regarding CRI, sows sisiw yan gawan pa kita ng power point presentation na may excel summary pa. Lol. May nagtext din pero blanko, unknown number pero parang pamilyar, kaso hindi ko na confirm walang may alam ng number na un kaya sige idedma na lang. Pero parang pinaalala nito ung mundong dinededma ko. Bakit nga ko ba isinantabi un, ang sinasabi at lagi ko dahilan eh "BUSY AKO", well in a way totoo un, pero kung iisipin dati nama busy rin ako pero hindi ko naman sinubukan kalimutan un, bakit nga ba?
I felt left out, hindi kaya ako lang nagaaisolate sa sarili ko? What I don't know won't hurt me, if I didn't asked i won't know and won't get hurt. If I'm not interested, I should have not cared or asked anything about the person, para hindi na ko nanghinayang o nagiisip man lang ngayon, hayz life.
Apat na buwan pa lang ako pero ang dami dami ko na ginagawa, madami na ko nakakalimutan, naiisang tabi at pinaghihinayangan. Hay if only every sentence I experience ends with period I wouldn't have this what if maybe thoughts running in my head.

Update lol

2010-01-21T11:21:00.004+08:00

Gosh ang tagal ko na pala hindi napagkaabalahan ang blog ko.. September pa ung last ko post..
Dami na bago hindi ko pa na update.. pero wala ko maisip na isulat..
Medyo busy kase sa kakapakinig sa usapan ng ibang tao kaya ganon hehe..
pero ill post na lang mga ilan ko nasulat instead.. saka na ko magkukwento ng bonggang bongga.. lol..
Kaya balik muna tayo sa Haiku, nagawa ko habang nagtetraining kame, juice ko last year pa ito hehehe.. sa sobarang kabagutan yan na lang pinagkaabalahan ko. Pagpasensiyahan ninyo na ulit at pagtiyagaan ninyo na lang..

Haiku Part III

Let go of the past
For today don't worry much
Surely it'll be a blast

***
You hold too much grudge
Thinking that they judge you much
How long will it last?

***
The pain in goodbyes
Each person will try to hide
Though broken inside

Eto naman first poems na nasulat ko for 2010.
January 04, 2010 to be specific.

Haiku Part IV

For the longest time
I have longed for your presence
Life from your absence

***
I thought I lost you
And never have realized
How much I've missed you

***
Locked in this darkness
Searching the light for ages
The key, happiness

***
To begin an end
Will have to take one's courage
Face what lies ahead

Thoughts - My Lucky Month

2009-09-08T11:38:00.005+08:00

I never expected that my month would start well. I made some serious decision/choices end of august, that time, unlike before I just let instinct guide me. I didn't analyzed any of it, just go with the flow but I made sure I have my back up plan just in case.
Today, September 08, 2009 Mama Mary's birthday, my friends birthday as well, one of my favorite date(I don't know why) and my lucky day I guess. I got a call last night informing me I was chosen. Darn I never expected to get that. The day I went on to appointment was nerve-racking, knowing that the person I'm speaking with is not fluent with our native language and know that she's very strict in her craft. Even though I don't have the faith on my self that I could impress her I still tried.
And I was so happy when I saw the number on my caller id, that familiar number and then giving me that good news.
This is really is my month, no matter how bad my 2009 is, Ms. September would never fail me.

Thoughts - Ako Mismo

2009-08-22T12:25:00.004+08:00

Ang tagal ko rin pinagpalanuhan kung paano makakuha ng ako mismo dog tag. kaya ito mismo lumapit sakin hahaha. Every other friday may bazaar sa office namin and this week ang theme ng bazaar ay "I CARE". Kaya lahat ng nagtinda sa eh puro may purpose ang pagdadalan ng money, at kasama dun ang Ako Mismo Campaign. Nakabilirin ako ng Premium Dogtag sawakas may kasama pa siya ngayon na rubber something hindi ko kase alam kung ano tawag hahaha.

One officemate commented "Bigla sulputan yang mga filipinism theme no? Samantalang dati dinedema lang natin ung Pidro shirt na halos nagsimula niyan."
Come to think of it my point siya, bakit parang lately lang tayo nagkaconcern sa bansa natin, ang paging proud na pinoy. Ako, ninais ko rin naman makapunta sa ibang bansa, ung tipong magstay dun kahti sandali, lalo na sa Washington, nandun kase ung ibang kamaganak namin. Pero tulad nila hindi ko rin ninais na dun manirahan habang buhay. Iba parin talga dito sa pilipinas eh. Kaya kahit pa sabihin nila na nakikiuso lang eh ok lang un, may kanya kanya tayong dahilan kung bakit natin binibili o tinatangkilik kung ano man ang nauso, better late than never ika nga.
Sabihin man ng ibang tao na nakikiuso ka lang ikaw parin sa sarili mo ang may alam ng totoong dahilan at hindi mo na kailangan magpaliwanag pa sa iba.

Past-Present-Future

2009-08-20T10:41:00.003+08:00

Past.
Yan ung bagay na iniwan ko na, mga nakalipas. Un ang alam ko. Pero bakit kase bumabalik-balik pa. Bakit ba hindi pwedeng magkaamnisya pagkatapos ng isang panget na pangyayari para naman masabi nating talagang nakaraan na siya at hindi na mababalikan pa. Bakit ung alam ko nilagpasan at iniwanan ko na eh parang nakikita ko nanaman sa kabilang kanto. Nanunubok, nakatingin parang may gustong sabihin. Pareho lang ba talaga un ng iniwan ko o namamalikmata lang ba ko?
Pero bakit hindi ko mapagkaila ang sabi ng utak ko na, pareho lang. May mga bagay na kahit itangi mo pa, alam mo parin sa sarili mo na pareho lang un, walang pagkakaiba, iisa.
Aaminin ko apektado ako, sino bang hindi? Naging bahagi yan ng buhay ko, hindi ko rin naman maiiwasang hindi tignan at usisain ulit. Hindi rin naman ako bato para hindi makaramadam ng kahit ano. Ang mahirap eh ang possibleng kakabit nito. Ung posibilidad na ibalik nito ung dating ako. Ayoko! Pero paano kung hindi ko maiwasan? Ano kaya ang pwede ko gawing paraan?

Present.
Kahit saan ako lumugar hindi na naging maayos ang kasalukuyan ko, lagi magulo. Laging komplikado.Gusto ko malaman ang bawat detalye na pwede ko malaman. Pero paano ko gagawin un, kung ang meron ako ngayon ay isang sulat na ilang ulit nang binura at pinatungan ng ibang tinta. Paano ko naman kase maiinitindihan kung hindi ko man lang mabasa kung ano gustong sabihin nito? May mensahe ba ito para sakin? O sinusubukan lang nito ang kanyang ankin kakayahan para malaman ang kahinaan ko?
Ginagawan ko ng paraan ang mga bagay na tining ko kaya ko lusutan, hanggat kaya ko susubukan ko parin para maliwanagan ako. Ayoko kaseng masabi ng iba na madali ako sumuko at lalong ayoko ng magmumukha ako tanga. Pero ang masalimuot, kadalasan kahit na solusyunan ko na ang isang bagay na gumugulo sakin, hindi ko mapapansin meron nanaman palang papalit para guluhin ang diwa ko, nakakawindang.
Kaya naisip ko ngayon hahayaan ko na lang muna, sasabay na lang ako sa agos. Tutal nagawa ko na ang dapat ko gawin, sapat na siguro un. Sana maisip din nito minsan, hindi masamang ipakatiwala sa iba ang nilalaman niya at siya mismo ang gumawa ng paraan para ipaalam ang dapat malaman. Hindi naman one way ang EDSA noh, hindi pwedeng puro pasulong ang takbo ng bawat sasakyan sa kalsada, lalong magkakatraffic, minsan kailangan mo din magmaniubra kung uuwi ka na para magpahinga.
Isa lang naman iniiwasan ko kung saka sakaling bitawan ko na talaga ang manibela. Ito ay ang magkaroon ng panghihinayang sa desisyong gagawin ko, pero tingin ko naman, wala. Sana nga.

Future.
Kahit na hindi ako ok ngayon, hindi parin ako nawawalan ng pagasa na maging bongga ang hinaharap ko. Hindi naman masama mangarap at umasa, lalo na kung meron
kahit katiting na liwanag kang nakikita. May pagkakataon na nasisilip mo na ito, pero hindi ka pa pamilyar, kaya may pagkakataon na nagdadawalang isip ka. Pero minsan hindi mo maiwasan hindi bigyan ng kahit onting pansin, ang kung ano man ang meron dun. Ngunit madalas dahil naoukupahan ng ngayon ang magulong utak mo, hindi mo magawang pagkaabalahan isipin kung ano ang mga ito, kung ano ibig sabhin nun, bakit nandun ung mga bagay na un. Ni hindi mo mabigyan pansin ang mga nasa harap mong naghihintay mapansin at mabalingan mo ng atensyon. May dahilan kung bakit nasa harapan mo lang sila kahit hindi mo pa mapansinin agad. Pero nasasayo nga lang kung paano mo sasalubungin at tatangapin.
Maayos naman siguro ang hinaharap ko, un eh kung sinisimulan at gagawin ko ang mga plano. Pero ano nga ba magiging resulta ng plano pagsinimulan mo na gawin? Talagang para sa hinaharap mo ba un na naghihintay lang kung kelan ka magkakaoras at panahon na subukang pagtuunan ito ng pansin? O baka ang resulta eh ang malaman mo kung ano ang hindi mo pa nagagawa para sa kasalukuyan mo? Posible din pagnagawa mo na ung plano, ibukas nito ang isip mo para malaman kung gaano pa kahalaga ang nakaraan binitawan mo para sayo.

Nak ng tokwa may past present at future pa ko nalalaman eh kalokohan at kadramahan lang naman ito.

Thoughts - I want out!

2009-08-19T10:28:00.003+08:00

Darn I'm stuck in the middle, I hate what I'm feeling. Eto nanaman ba ko? Ang bigat ng pakiramdam ko. Nakailang yosi ako kagabi pero I stopped, may kumirot sa left chest ko. Oh Lord wag naman sana sabayan pa ng health ko. I threw my cigarettes, darn sayang. Ang dami ko iniisip, bakit ba hindi na ko naging ok sa loob ng isang linggo. ONe good thing would happen then ang bilis bumalik ng karma.
I tried dealing with it today but I never receive anything back, fine hayaan ko lang baka ganon nga talaga. Sabi nga kung ikaw ung may kulang do your part then eventually maayos din. Peste, ilan taon ko na ba ginagawa ung part ko, lagi na lang ba ganto? I tried prioritizing my self lately pero bakit iba dating sa iba, it seems I don't care daw. Letche anu pa ba gusto niya?
Tapos akala ko ok na nitong umaga, hindi pala, its the same fcuking cycle. Ganon siya pag meron something, hindi naman pwedeng laging ako. Paano naman ako? I'm in this black hole for ages, I have my chance to leave before but I did't. I know how to move out but I can't, is it too late?
Hindi pwedeng laging ako, hindi ka pwedeng umasa ka saking for the rest of your life, may sarili rin ako buhay. If you can't help your self why would you expect me to help you. Hindi porke tumatangi ako ngayon eh wala ko pakialam, marami rin ako problema, wag kase puro sarili mo inintindi mo. Puro ko yabang, hangin, wala ka naman sinabi. Ang dami mo pinagmamaliki pero kanino ka ba umaasa, sabihin mo nga?
Tapos emotional black mail gagawin mo, sasabihin mo na hindi ka pa over. Anu naman magagawa ko dun? Ikaw yan, sarili mo yan, kahit anung sabihin ko dito na positive things kung ayaw mo tanggapin at magmove on wala mangyayari. Then you'll tell me that you're not asking for my help, pero paulit ulit mo sinasabi sakin yan. Anu ba gusto mo palabasin?! You just needed someone who will listen? Please, kilala kita, hindi mo kailangan un, ang kailangan mo tulog at awa ng ibang tao para hindi ka na kumilos para sa mga gusto mo mangyari. Pathetic, kelan mo ba marerealize un?
Sobrang matagal na ko pagod sa ganito, hindi ko lang alam kung paano sasabihin sayo. Sana marealize mo na kailangan mo muna ayusin ang sarili mo bago ka magreklamo, bago mo isisi ang mga bagay sa ibang tao. Wag mo iasa sa ibang tao ang pwede mo naman gawin.
Hindi ko na kasalanan kung isang araw hindi na ko tablan sa mga sinsabi mo, hindi ko na maintindihan ang pinapaintindi mo sakin, hindi na ko maniwala sa mga sinsabi mo, hindi ko na kakayanin na magtagal sa tabi mo kase natatakot ako mahawa sayo.

Kaloquotes

2009-08-18T13:21:00.004+08:00

Got this idea from coy, he used quotes as his user status in his IM, stating that they are statements of those ordinary people we meet everyday, who we never thoguht could leave as this kind of impression. I started from one quote then I can no longer stop it hahahaha.. here's his and some of mine. And I'll update this kalokohan often hahahha..

Coy
"You don't just stare and gaze at your accomplishment, you move on to the next opportunity" -ELJ Window Washer

"So you think you have good breeding, eh? To me you're just another chicken in the oven" -Simply Delicious Master Chef

"No matter how well you did it, you will still leave stains in the bowl" -ELJ Janitor

Chinkay
“You can't blame somebody else for your mistakes but yourself.” –Encoder

"This blood in my hand won’t tell how strong and brave I am." –Butcher

"The pain of truth is nothing compared to the agony of deceit." –Fortune-teller

“I’m a stranger, who will leave you with something to ponder.” -Postman

Mashed Potato ala Chinkay

2009-08-17T14:01:00.010+08:00

I love to cook. Wala lang panahon at space ang kusina namin para sa 4 na cook(my lola, my mom, my dad and me), and kadalasan inaako ng lola ko at mama ko ang pagluluto kahit specialty ko pa ung lulutuin.
May kanya kanya specialty ang mga relatives ko, bawat tita ko meron sila fave iluto. My lola run karendiria before when we're all staying under one roof. I'm used to waking up early watching her cook while I play with those utensils or her ingredients.
Ngayon hindi ko pwede agawan ng gawin ang lola at nanay ko sa kusina paglulutuin ang mga traditional home cook dishes, kahit pa sabihin ng lolo ko na mas masarap ung luto ko hehehe. So I would just cook what they don't both dare to cook.
I love potato. Fried, boiled, grilled, baked what ever. So when KFC made the special edition of mashed potato I drooled over it. Kaso mahal so I tried creating my own. Heres my recipe.

Mashed Potato ala Chinkay

First: Make the gravy.

Ingredients:
1/8 cup of flour
1/8 cup of butter
2 1/2 cups of chicken broth
1/4 cup of milk
2tbsp of soy sauce
pepper
1 can Campbell's condensed cream of chicken

Make a roux, it consist of 1 part of flour and 1 part of butter, cook the flour until brown. Then add the rest of the ingredients, bring to a boil until the sauce thickens. Set a side.

Second: Make the Mashed Potato

Ingredients:
3 big potatoes
1/2 cup of milk
2 tbsp butter
salt to taste

Clean and peel the potatoes. Boil then until tender or enough to mashed them. After cooking the potatoes, in a bowl add milk butter and salt and mashed them until smooth and creamy you can add water or milk if needed.
You can also season you potatoes while boiling then but I prefer to season it while mashing. You could also use a food processor or just buy a ready mix in the grocery store. (its okay to cheat)Then set a side.

Third: Make the Cubed Chicken Fillet

Ingredients:
4 chicken breast fillet
salt and pepper
1 cup cornstarch
1 egg
1 cup bread crumbs
Cooking oil for deep frying

1. Season the chicken with salt and pepper.
2. Prepare the cornstarch, egg and bread crumbs in separate bowls.
3. Heat the oil, while making the chicken fillet.
4. Cover the chicken with cornstarch then dipped in the egg and roll it on the bread crumbs.
5. Deep fry it until golden brown. Then cut into cubes. Set a side

Finally: Mashed Potato ala Chinkay

Needed:

Serving bowl
Pre-cooked Gravy
Pre-cooked Mashed Potato
Pre-cooked Cubed Chicken Fillet
Corn Kernels
Cheese

Put 1 or 2 cups of mashed potato in a serving bowl, add 2 spoonful of corn kernels and chicken fillet. Top with cheese and generous amount of gravy and then serve.

Thoughts - Reminder

2009-08-17T02:33:00.004+08:00

One thing I've learned today. Never assume and conclude anything instantly.
There are things that could lead you to something or somewhere you might think that it’s about you or concerns you, but not.
Learn to ask, speak and confront nicely without leading to an argument. Never let the day or night last without closure to what ever is bothering you, especially when you’re uncertain about it.

Another, I'm so over in making things easier for some people. Kelan ba nila marerealize na, sana naman sila mismo ung gumawa ng way. Hindi naman pwedeng laging ako. Kung meron ka gusto sabihin, linawin at patunayan. Ikaw gumawa ng paraan. Nakakaloko na kase eh. Hindi araw araw eh birthday mo. Pagnapalagpas mo ang onetime hindi mo alam kung meron pa susunod o wala. Sana narerealize un nang ibang tao.

Thoughts - Hmmmm...

2009-08-16T10:49:00.004+08:00

When you feel something isn't normal you try to analyze it. Hindi kase normal ung nagyari, one minute I thought it was ok, after a minute nawala na lang parang bula, hindi mahagilap at hindi matanungan ng eksplinasyon. Ang sakin lang sana sinabi kung ano at bakit? Nakakainis na nakakatawa.
May nabubuong teyorya sa utak ko pero baka mali naman ako, pero paano kung tama naman pala. Nakita at tinanong ko na un dati pa pero wala naman daw. Oh well, buhay nila un, hindi ako pwedeng makialam, labas na ko dun.

I know when to stay away and to back off. It's done, over, goodbye.

Note: kahit papano may nagyari naman maganda sa umaga ko. hehehe..

Dahilan

2009-08-15T11:40:00.001+08:00

Ano nga ba ang meron sa alak? Nakakamangha kasi ang nagagawang milagro nito sa mga taong natutukso dito? Kung tutuusin, mapait at mapakla ang lasa pero kada abot ng tagay sayo hindi mo mapigilan abutin at tunggain ang baso. Sakit ng ulo sa hangover naman, ang resulta pagkagising mo sa magdamagang huntahan habang lumalagok ng malamig na beer. Pero ano bang alindog meron ito na hindi matanggihan ng mga lasingero?

Marami na ko nasaksihan na mga tagpo na parang kinopya sa pelikula, madrama, maaksiyon at minsan nakakatawa. Ngutin nagyari sa totoong buhay, nakakawindang. Nang dahil sa alak, eto ang ilan.
Meron eksena noon sa tambayan, sinampal ng isang girlaloo ang isa pang girlaloo dahil sa inagawan, nilandi, ang syota niya. Nagwawala si girlaloo #1, sinigaw sigawan, dinuroduro at minura si girlaloo #2, inawat ni boylet, ayun nasampal si boylet ng bonggang bongga. Nabuko siya ng di oras nang dahil sa alak.
Ung huling labas namin may nakita naman kami, si ate sumusuka habang umaandar ung sasakyan nila, nasa passenger seat siya, bukas ung pintuhan umaandar ng madahan ang sasakyan, nakakaloka, ayun kiber sa kahihiyan, nang dahil sa alak.
Sa hindi ko mawaring dahilan takaw gulo rin ang mga nagiinom, may nagkakapikunan na nauuwi sa sampalan, suntukan, bugbugan, tadyakan, saksakan at barilan. Riot, dusko madugo ito, nakaabot sa presinto, nang dahil sa alak.
Ngunit subalit datapwat marahil, hindi naman puro masama o pangit ang mga pangyayari ang dulot ng alak, may positive parin. Marami nang nagkabati at nagkaayos na magkakaibigan. Nagkakausap ang matagal nang hindi nagkikitang magbabarkada sa isang group text lang ng "tara inom tayo sa biyernes". Napapangiti ang mga taong depress at may problema sa buhay pag sumipa na ang pulang kabayo. Lahat yan napatunayan kong totoo at nagyayari sa totoong buhay hindi sa tv lang. Kakaiba nga talaga ang epekto ng alak sa tao.

Sabi nila kausapin mo ang taong lasing o nakainom at panigurado lalabas ang totoo. Painumin mo ng alak ung tatahitahimik na tao at makikita mo kung gaano talaga siya katarantado, kasama si San Miguel. Babangka ang dating kiming babae sa isang sulok pagnakashot na at sinaniban na ni Sta. Tequila.
Pero may bahagi paring napapaisip ako. Dito - "sabi nila kadalasan pag lasing, dun raw nakakapagsabi ng totoo ang isang tao, lumalabas ang mga sikreto at mga sama ng loob. Dito napapawi ang sakit nanararamdaman at nakakapagdulot kahit panandaliang kaligayahan."
Sangayon ako dito, totoo naman kase. Pagnakainom ka at marami ka kausap na barkada nakakalimutan mo ang mga gumugulo sa utak mo, mga problema at ung mga kirot na nararamdaman mo. Parang anesthesia ang alak, mapapamanhid nito ang pakiramdam mo, makakalimutan ang hapdi ng paghihirap ng loob mo, pero paglumaon at wala na ung tama ng espiritu na sumapi sayo, balik ka ulit sa dati. Hindi kase ito ang lumas pero nakakatulong parin kahit papaano, kahit sandali.
Nagagawa rin nitong ilabas lahat ng nasasaloob mo, sabi nila nakakalakas daw kase ng loob, pagnakainom ka na. Ung mga bagay na hindi mo nasasabi sa iba at kinikimkim mo lang ng pagkatagal tagal eh nasasabi mo na lang ng biglaan. Nawawala ang hesitasyon, pagaalinlangan at inhibisyon. Yung tipong kahit na yung pinakatorpeng lalaki, pagnasapian ng espiritu ni Giner, kulang na lang eh alukin ng kasal ang kanyang sinisinta. Yung mga babaeng pakipot pa, ayaw gumawa ng move sa para mapansin ng lalaking gusto nila, pagbinuyo na ni Margarita, bibigay din.

Meron naman nagsabi na paglasing ka eh hindi mo alam kung ano ang ginagawa o sinasabi mo. Hmmm.. Dyan ako hindi masyadong kumbinsido. Ang alam ko kasi, alam parin ng tao ang ginagawa o sinasabi niya kahit lasing na, ang kaso lang, kadalasan hindi mo na mapigilan ang bawat galaw mo at ang kadaldalan mo, kaya ginagawa na lamang iyan dahilan.
Kaya napaisip ulit ako, hindi kaya iyan din ang posibleng dahilan kung bakit lumalakas ang loob ng isang tao, hindi dahil sa epekto ng alak, kundi ang kakabit nitong, maari mong gawing dahilan sa kung ano mang pwede mo gawin o sabihin? Nang dahil sa alak.

Thoughts - Done

2009-08-14T13:10:00.003+08:00

Now I know the reason why my brother keep on asking me to double check on our younger brothers grades online. We just receive his official grades and darn you would'nt wan't to look at it. Para kong naumay sa sardinas puro iyon ang nakita ko. Nakakayamot, hindi na talaga ko papayag na ituloy niya pa pagaaral niya, tama na. Ilan beses na siya pinagbigyan. Lahat ng gusto niya sa nasunod pati luho lahat. Samantang kame ni Jonjon eh lahat ng pwede gawin makamenos lang sila Papa papatusin namin. I finish my accounting course in PUP, ang pangmasa universtiy satin. I'll be honest hindi dyan ang first choice kong school pero ok lang proud parin ako. Ung kapatid ko sumunod sakin sa CCP naman siya nagtapos. Alam ko na hindi rin un ang preffered niya na skwelahan, pero alam ko dahilan kung bakit minabuti niya na diyan na lang. Pero yang magaling namin bunso :D. Pinilit ng nanay ko kumbinsihin ang tatay ko para pumayag dahil sa FEU daw niya gusto pumasok. Malinaw usapan namin magkakapatid :D pagmay bagsak siya kame mismo ni Jonjon ang magsasabi na patigilin na lang siya sa pagaaral. Kaya ngayon :D pagdating ni Jonjon bukas hanggang this semester na lang ang bunso namin sa Recto. Pasensiyahan na lang lil broe, puro ka porma eh wala ka naman sinabi :D. Puro ka salita wala naman ibig sabihin. Kami pa ng kuya mo lolokohin mo :D. Sige ngayon tignan natin. Kung ako tatanungin, tapos ka na college days mo. Kung gusto mo ituloy ikaw na lang ang mismong gumawa ng paraan. Ang dami nalustay na pera sayo. Kung susumahin ko lahat un. Ang laking negosyo sana naipundar nun :D. Pasensya na lang tayo.

Usapan

2009-08-13T11:32:00.004+08:00

Sabi ng tatay ko lahat ng bagay nadadaan sa mabuting usapan, pero sabi ko mas madali ata ung maboteng usapan, masaya pa! Marami ka malalalaman, maririnig at matututunan. Hahaha! Masarap makinig sa usapan sa isang lamesang puno ng pagkain at iba't ibang inumin, lalo na ung mga nakakalasing.
Nandyan na ung payabangan, "Yan si Myrna kaunting bola na lang mapapasagot ko rin yan. Anu pa ba hahanapin niya sakin, magandang lalaki na ako may matino pang trabaho". Kamukatmukat mo hanggang ngayon wala parin siya syota.
Pagalingan, "Oy, pare wag mo na pagawa ung radyo ninyo sa electrician dalin mo na lang sa bahay bukas, kaya ko ayusin yan hik!" Pagdaan mo naman sa bahay nila kinabukasan makikita mong nakakalat ung mga piyesa ng radyo sa sala idamay mo pa ung elesi ng electric fan sa sahig na pinaglalaruan ng bunsong anak niya.
Payamanan "Mga pare, anu bang magandang sasakyan ngayon, nakakuha kase ko ng bonus sa opisina, ibibili ko ng bago kotse papalitan ko na ung luma ko." Sagot ng kainuman "Pare anu ba ung luma kotse mo? Sandali may kotse ka ba?"
At ang walang sawang kumbinsihan na hindi pa lasing, "Di pa ko lasheng, tara inom pa tayo, tagay hik!" sabay lakad ng pagewang-gewang dahil maiihi o masuka. At pagkatapos maririnig mo na lang na naghihilik sa upuan sa isang sulok.
Minsan pa mauuwi yan ang huntahan sa pagtatalo, sa away at gulo, nagkakasakitan pa kung minsan. Pero pagnag-abot ka na ng tagay eh ayos na ulit, bati bati na, tuloy ang inuman at kwentuhan. Parang walang nasakatan, walang pagtatalo, walang nagyaring gulo.

Hindi maiiwasan ang hindi pagkakasundo kahit pa mababaw lang ito, hindi maaalis na magkasalungat ng bawat isa, sa mga panananaw, gawi at opinyon. May kanya kanya tayong ugali, walang dalawang tao ang magkapareho. Bawat isa sa atin, iba.
Yan ang madalas na dahilan kung bakit may nagkakainitan ng ulo. Madalas hindi nagkakatugma ang sa nais ang dalawang tao sa isang bagay. At dahil ni isa sa kanila ay ayaw magpatalo at ni ayaw pakingan ang bawat isang, mas lalong walang mangyayari, lalaki lang at hindi matatapos ang pagtatalo.
Kahit mahirap, minsan mas mabuti ang manahimik muna at makinig kesa sa salubungin ang init ng ulo. Hindi ba mas malalala ang resulta pagnagkabangaan ang dalawang humaharurot na sasakyan? Kadalasan walang nakakaligtas. Pero mahirap din naman magpigil ng galit kase pagnapuno yan kung hindi aapaw, siguradong sasabog. Ang gulo diba? Pero tingin ko, dapat lang natin matutunan ang makinig at magisip muna bago magsalita. Ang kontrolin ang galit at emosyon. Ang maghinayhinay sa bawat salitang binibitawan. At magpaubaya paminsan minsan.
Ang tanging magagawa natin para magkaintindihan ay ang pahalagahan ang bawat isa. Kahit sino pa siya, kahit gaano pa kasama ang isang tao, kahit hindi mo siya gusto hindi masamang makinig kahit sandali. Malay mo, meron kang mapulot na magbibigay daan para sa ikabubuti mo. Mabuti man un o masama, makakatulong o hindi, may ibig sabihin parin un, may laman, nasa iyo na lang kung paano mo tatangapin.
O sya tagay na!

Thoughts - Bad Night

2009-08-12T11:19:00.003+08:00

The bad thing about me is that, when I'm not in the good mood, I won't really care who/how I speak. Last night was really awful, I admit, I feel bad after. My lolo woke me up, dahil papasok ako sa office. He then told me na dumating ung package kaso wala nagreceive kaya madedelay nanaman. Super delay na kase un, kahit tita ko na nagpadala kinukulit na ko. I was at home that time pero tulog ako malas pa ung room ko nasa bandang likod at hindi ko talaga maririnig if meron tumatawag. Or possible na sobrang pagod ako dahil malamang tumatahol ung 2 dogs ko dahil may tumatawag na ibang tao, pero hindi parin ako nagising.
My lolo was pissed so am I. We're waiting for that package for ages. Nung dumating mom ko at lola galing sa daily stroll nila dun lang nila nalaman, those packages were address to my mom. Then naririnig ko mga usapan nila habang naliligo ako, actually inask ako ng mom ko na tawagan ung shipping company, that morning pero nakalimutan ko, sabi niya na kung tinawagan ko yun at sinabing idedelivery that day edi sana hindi na daw sila umalis para magbingo. Nainis ako hindi ko alam kung bakit siguro dala narin na tinatamad na ko magtrabaho, ginising pa ko ng maaga at sinisisi pa ko ng nanay ko ng hindi naman ako ang direktang may kasalanan.
Nung kinausap ako ng mom ko I snap at her, pabalang sagot ko, napilosopo ko pa siya after nun hindi na kami nagkibuan. Nung una akala ko intense lang kame kaya ganon. I felt bad pagdating ko sa office pero sabi ko baka nung gabi lang un, dahil nagalit din lolo ko sa mom ko. Pero pagdating ko sa bahay kaninang umaga, hindi ung usual na nanay ko sumalubong sakin. Hindi niya ko kinikibo, lumabas siya ng kwarto pagdating ko pero pumasok din agad. Sabi ko I hurted my mom last night kaya siguro ganon. Hindi ako sanay na hindi madaldal mom ko early in the morning asking how am I. Wala ung makulit na nagtatanong anu ang nagyari sa buong gabi ko. Nasad talaga ko hindi ko naman sinasadya. Hindi ko alam paano magsorry sa kanya kanina, hanggang sa nanood kame ng Lifestyle Network at naalala ko ung request niya na pizza sakin. I just simply ask her kung gusto niya magorder kame. Sabi niya bahala ako, after that kinausap na ulit niya ko, nagkwentuhan ulit, nagsorry ako. I never realize how my words wounded my mom, hindi ko alam na ganon, hindi ko naman sinasadya. Sabi niya she knows kung gaano ko kasungit at kataray pero hindi niya maimagine that I would snap at her. Hindi ko rin akalain na masasabi ko un. Kaya sorry ako ng sorry sa mom ko.
I ended up buying her a suhol hahaha.. Pero ok na kame ngayon, I promise na hindi ko na uulitin un sa kanya ayoko ko makikita nagiisip, nalulungkot lalo na umiiyak mom ko, that would kill me. As much as possible ayoko makikita masaktan mom ko, nagawa ko na magsinungaling sa kanya wag lang siya makitang malungkot. Alam ng kapatid ko un, kaming dalawa ang nagtago nun. We never talked about it at home.
Bottom line ayoko may nalulungkot sa member ng family ko, ok lang na ako ang masaktan, dahil kahit anong mangyari hindi ko pinapakita sa kanila na malungkot ako or umiiyak. My mom and dad thinks I'm tough so I have to show them that I'm tough. Kahit minsan mahirap.
I would do anything just to see my mom and dad happy, kahit ano pa un.
Pero hindi ko inakala na masasaktan ko parin pala sila, ng hindi ko sinasadya.

Thoughts - Part

2009-08-11T15:06:00.002+08:00

There are things that you cannot control. Oras, panahon at paniniwala ng ibang tao. Minsan mas makakabuti talaga ung manahimik na lang at wag na isipin ang pwedeng iniisip ng iba. Mas marami ka dapat asikasuhin sa buhay mo kesa ubusin ang oras sa pagiisip ng kung ano iniisip ng iba tungkol sayo. Hindi mo kontrolado ang bawat galaw ng ibang tao pero ang sayo ikaw lang ang pwedeng magdesisyon noon. Marami bagay ang hindi mo maiintindihan sa iba, di tulad sa pagkakakilala mo sa sarili mo.
Minsan kailangan mo na lang gawin ang parte mo ng walang hinihintay na kasagutan o kapalit, mas mahirap umasa sa wala.
Minsan maganda intension mo para sa iba pero minamasama naman un ng karamihan, wala ka naman magagawa dun. Minsan gusto mo lang linawin sa iba ang isang bagay pero nakakasakit ka pala, hindi mo naman hawak un, hindi naman un ang intensyon mo eh. Minsan halos lahat na ng paraan nagawa mo pero wala parin pala, anu na gagawin mo? Ipipilit mo ba ang ayaw? Minsan mas madaling iasa nalang sa "bahala" ang lahat. Sa paraan na un hindi ko na kailangan pangmayamot kakaisip kung bakit, paano, saan, kelan at ano.. Tutal nagawa mo na ang dapat diba?
Hindi naman masama isipin mo ang sarili mo, wala naman ibang tatangap, magmamahal, at makakauwa sa sarili mo kundi ikaw rin. Siguro naman panahon na para ikaw naman ang magbigay daan para magawa naman ng iba ung parte nila.

Pektures

2009-08-11T13:27:00.006+08:00

Wala lang naisipan ko lang magupload ng picture ko..
naloka lang ako kase ang galing ko na pala umangulo mukha akong payat chet hahaha..

mukha talga ang payat ko dyan harharhar

hindi po ako tulog nakainom lang hahahah

yan emote naman.. bago makatulugan ang pagtetek hahaha..

nasa mental constitution po ako.. kalalabas ko lang hahaha

oh kitam ang taba ko super.. huhuhu..

ang taba ko sobra.. dadating na sa 25 ung pinsan ko kasal na nila sa september.. kailangan ko na pumayat kase abay ako dun.. anu gagawin ko :weep:

Araw-araw

2009-08-05T10:42:00.003+08:00

I badly need a life! Yan madalas ko sabihin sa araw araw. Hindi naman literal pero kung iisipin ko napakaboring at walng katuturan ng buhay ko (un ang palagay ko). Bakit ko nasabi yan? Ganto ang routine ko sa normal kong araw. Gigising ng 7pm ng gabi -ay hindi ko nasabi panggabi po akong tao, bampira kung baga ganto na ko sa loob ng mahigit tatlong taon- diretso sa kabilang pintuan para maligo, aabutin ng mahigit kumulang na 45minutes para matapos may kasamapang sigaw yan ng nanay ko na "Hoy Chinkay ang tagal mo nanaman dyan baka malate ka!". Paglabas diretso sa kwarto ko para mag ayos at magbihis kulang kulang 45minutes ulit hehehe! Kaya 30 minutes na lang ang matitira para bumyahe papasok sa opisina. Pagsakay ko ng jeep wala ko ibang nakikita kundi ang bag ko at ang sapatos ko kung nakayuko ako, pupungaspungas pa dahil inaantok pa ko bitin naman talaga ang 4 na oras na tulog diba? Yan ang dahilan kung bakit napagkakamalan ako mataray, suplada at masungit. Kahit kase meron ako kakilala na nakasabay ko sa jeep, hindi ko napapansin, hindi ko naman sinasadya ang ganon, hindi ko lang din kase ugali ang suyurin ng tingin ang bawat taong nakapaligid sakin. Ayoko kase nang may tumitingin sakin nakakailang kaya ganon ako sa ibang tao, umaasa na ganon din sila. Pero hindi naman ako ung tipong walang pakialam sa mundo, tinignan ko rin naman kung meron ako dapat ikabahala, maingat rin naman ako. Ayan sa tagal at bagal ni manong driver 15 minutes na lang natitira sakin. Ganto ang tumatakbo sa utak ko araw araw. Hehehe, pagbaba ko, isa pa sakayan para makarating sa opisina, sasabihin ko, pagmay 3 FX na ang dumaan at hindi dun ang ruta ko ibig sabihin magtataxi na ko gagastos nanaman ako para lang hindi ma late. Isipin mo kung nagmamadali ako at magtataxi uubos ako ng 110pesos na pamasahe papunta palang ng opisina, pero kung hindi naman eh 30pesos lang sayang ang 80 pesos ang dami na narating ng pera na un. pero no choice dahil late ako nagising o dahil tinatamad ako gumalaw kaya ang bagal ko kumilos tsk tsk. Pagdating sa opisina, log in, bubukasn ang PC at maghihintay ng ilang pangminuto para lang macheck ang mga email na kailangan ko sa araw araw. Chika dito chika don tapos trabaho na. lilipag ang walong oras nanasa harap ako ng monitor, siyempre hindi kasama dun ung break ko, walang kamatayang tangap ng email, basa, reply, send, tangap ng tawag, tangap ng email, basa, reply, send, tangap ng tawag, tangap ng email, basa, reply, send, tangap ng tawag, tuloy tuloy yan hanggang magalasais ng umaga yes! Uwian na ang tagal ko hinintay yan hahaha! Pagdating sa bahay, bukas ng tv check kung gossip girls na or america's next top model pag hindi pasok sa kabilang bahay at lakad dito lakad dun mga isang oras ako ganon. Pagkatapos manood ng tv Lifestyle chanel, mapapasin ko pasado alas nuebe na. Bubuksan ko PC ko at magcheck ulit ng walang kamatayang email, tatawagan tita ko para ayusin ang dapat ayusin, kakausapin lolo at tatay ko para magawa ang dapat gawin, balik sa monitor, matatanim naman, kakausapin nanay at lola ko tatanugning kung kelan kame pwede magshopping yeah! labdat! Magiisip, masusulat, mageemail, hindi ko na mamamalayan alasdos na nag tanghali ang bilis naman ng oras. Tapos kahit meron pa ko kailangan gawin papatayin ko na ang PC ko papasok sa kwarto at aayusin ang kama ko, hahanapin ang libriong hindi ko pa natatapos sa divider ko at hihiga habang nagbabasa. Hindi ko nanaman mamamalayan ang oras alas tres na pala (minsan alasquatro pa yan) tska ko palang ibaba ang libro at susubukan matulog, tapos nanaman ang araw ko. Ganon nanaman ulit mamaya paggising. Napapagod na ko, nakakasawa na rin, gusto ko naman ng bago. Bago trabaho siguro, bago pagkakaabalahan, bagong routine sa araw araw. San ko kaya pwede isingit ang lablyp, hmmm... wag nalang wala naman ako nun eh hahaha! Dadating din malamang un ng kusa, sa ngayon kailangan ko ng mga bago sa buhay ko para ganahan naman ulit ako gumising at sumulan ang araw ko.

Pagbabago

2009-08-03T11:37:00.000+08:00

Kabibili ko lang ng sim card nung isang araw, sencondary line kumbaga. Ewan ko ba kung paano ako napilit bumili ng simple sim card, eh forever posible user ako. Well, ayun binili ko rin, unfortunately wala ko ibang phone na gagamitin chet, bakit ngayon ko lang naisip after ko mabili ung sim. Ung isang phone ko kinuha ng kapatid ko, paano nasira ung telephono niya nung isang araw, sus ung sirang celphone ang naiwan at nakalock sa posible line un. Susko anu ba yan, sabi na nga ba eh kailangan ko pa daw talaga bumili ng bago phone, naiisip ko na un nung isang araw, habang naguusap kame nga mga kaopisina ko. We're joking about Jason buying a new phone in Commonwelt Avenue, the said place was raid due because the dealers there were selling snatched and stolen phones, but if you'll be checking the place today after the said police operation, business is still on going haha. Sabi ko gusto ko ung P1i or ung bagong SE C905 gusto ko ung phone na un, shoot! Basta bibili ako ng secondary phone ko kahit na 5110 pa ayan.

Anyway, so I got the sim used it in my primary phone and insert my globe sim in the other busted phone mygulay. How can I send text messages using this, shoot again! Pero naaliw ako nung una, kahit hindi ako familiar sa smart (eversince nauso sakin ang celphone, simula pa nung highschool ako, na ginto ang presyo ng mga sim card-my first sim costed me 1,200 petot susko ginto!- globe user na ko) eh may katek ako agad, aliw. Pero nabadtrip ako pagdating sa bahay mahina nga pala signal nito sa loob ng kwarto ko, susme bakit nun ko lang naalala na may cellsite ang globe sa kabilang street namin kaya mahina talaga ang signal ng smart dito. Ayun wala ko nareceive na text or call pagdating ko sa bahay, anak ng tokwa, wala rin. Kaya sabi hindi ko na ulit gagamitin ang simcard na ito.

Hay, mahirap talaga palitan o baguhin ang nakasanayan na. Dapat alam ko na yan, dapat sanay na ko dahil mahigit isang linggo na ko hindi mapakali sa mga bagay na gumugulo sa utak ko, mga pagbabago. Mga bagay na hindi mo inaasahan tapos bigla-biglang mangyayari, meron naman alam mo na posibleng mangyari pero hindi mo akalain ngayon na un, nagyayari na. O mga bagay na iniisip mo mangyayari pero walang posibilidad matupad pero eto na at kaharap mo na. Ang gulo diba? Ang hirap..
Mahirap din pala ipilit ang hindi pwede, ung hindi akma, na kahit gaano kalakas ang tulak mo hindi gagalaw at mauubos lang ang lakas mo, mga bagay na hindi talaga ukol kaya kahit anong pilit mo, umiyak ka man ng dugo, wala ka parin mahihita..

Masyado na ko nagugulat at naguguluhan, napapagod na rin ako kakaisip kung bakit, ano, paano, saan at sino. Kaya siguro para mabawasan ang gera sa utak ko, sabayan ko na muna ung agos baka sakaling dalhin ako nito sa pampang, kesa pulikatin ako pagpinilit kong sagupain ang alon, kahit hindi rin naman talaga ako marunong lumangoy.
Ang mga bagay na gumugulo sakin ngayon ay biglaan, ni hindi ko alam pagkatapos naming magsaya sa bakasyon pinaghandaan namin eh iyakan naman pagkatapos, hindi ko alam kung tama ang gagawin at mga desisyon ko, gusto ko nga paginisip pa mabuti kaso, unti-unti narin akong napapagod, nahihirapan. Masakit nasa ulo, baka pagnagpatuloy ang ganito tuluyan pang lumala ung sakit ko sa utak hindi pa naman ako normal.

I tried different alternatives but nothing seems to work. I tried reaching out but it keeps on running away from me. I tried saving it but I just prolonged the agony but it died eventually. So I guess, I just have to let it go, I think, its time to loosen the grip on my wheel and just wait and see where it would/could bring me. I'll just make sure that I'm ready no matter what..
I'll just keep my fingers crossed and hope that tomorrow will be better than today..

5 o'clock in the morning, got a text message from myonly, she's calling my smart number, cannot be reached daw, eh paano magriring tinggal ko nga ung sim, ay sus palitan nanaman ng sim card..

-written April 09, 2009

Kaldero

2009-08-01T09:12:00.000+08:00

Bawat kaldero may nakalaan na takip.
Parang kapalaran, tingin ko bawat isa sa atin may nakalaan na isang taong makakasama natin sa panghabang panahon. Pero hawak mo ito, ikaw ang makakaalam, kung anung tamang takip ang para sa iyo at kung kailan ka tatakpan.

Marunong ka ba magluto?

Hindi lahat marunong at masarap magluto, ang iba gumagamit ng recipe book para malaman natin kung ano ang kailangan sa isang putahe at kung paano ito lutuin. O kaya nama'y magtatanong sa iba para malaman kung paano. Pero may pagkakataon na nagkakamali parin tayo, hindi masarap ang kalalabasan, kulang sa timpla at kung mamalasin ka pa masusunog mo niluluto mo.
Pero hindi tayo matututo kung hindi tayo magkakamali, hindi rin tayo masasanay kung hindi natin susubukan. Minsan nga, dumadating tayo sa point na pinaghihinaan na tayo ng loob, at tumitigil tayo. Siguro na-disappoint na tayo sa nagawa natin, napagod malamang. Sa pagtigil na un tingin ko magmumuni-muni ka. Magiisip ng bagong strategy kung paano natin mapapasarap ang niluluto natin. Pero trial and error parin yan, pwede magwork ung plano pwede rin hindi. Ang kailangan lang ay ipagpatuloy at subukan parin. Isa lang ang tip diyan, sundin mo kung ano ang sinasabi ng panuto. wag ka magmarunong kung wala ka naman alam.

Ganto kasi, meron mga putahe na kapag lulutuin, minsan hindi pwede takpan kase kailangan mag-evaporate ng water para matira ung sauce at maging malasa ung pagkain na niluluto mo. Meron din naman mga lutuin na dapat tinatakpan para ma-trap ang steam sa loob at mapadali ang pagluluto. Pero madalas din naman na tinatanggal tanggal ung takip ng niluluto mo para makita mo ung laman diba? Para makita mo kung tama na ang pagkakaluto ng sahog o kung kailangan pa dagdagan ng pamapalasa. Minsan kailangan mo pa tikman para malaman. Hanggat di pa luto ung pagkain hindi magiging permanente o pang matagalan ung takip na nilalagay mo. At tatakpan mo un depende kung tamang oras na. Pero kinalaunan, tatakpan mo rin ung kaldero kase luto na ung pagkain at para hindi malangawan o madumihan, diba? Kelan un mangyayari? Pagluto na ung pagkain, pagtingin mo masarap na ung niluto mo ung tipong wala ka nang idadagdag.. Unless sinigang ito at kailangan ng patis at sili na kasalo habang kumakain ka.

-written March 18, 2009

What life could bring..

2009-07-31T13:33:00.002+08:00

(I haven't written for a long time kahit poems.. quotation lang.. kaya post ko muna mga olds essays ko.. sabi parang gulong ang buhay paikot ikot lang.. kaya nung bsahin ko mga sinulat ko dati.. parang ganon rin naman nararamadan ko ngayon..)

Time is a companion that goes with us on a journey. It reminds us to cherish each moment, because it will never come again. What we leave behind is not as important as how we have lived.

Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn't do than by the ones you did. You’ll never know what life could bring you. For a moment you’re jubilant, savoring the happiness that life has brought you. Satisfied for having those people you cherish. But in a snap that could change, in to something totally unexpected. Some could leave you, following a path that no one dared to walk through, unless ready to face the life beyond. It could be predicted, but most of the time it’s sudden. Worst is, it is.

Accept that life is full of surprises.
Good or bad. Be prepared.
So throw off the bowlines.
Sail away from the safe harbor.
Catch the trade winds in your sails.
Explore. Dream. Discover.

-written Aug, 06 2007

Know-it-all

2009-07-19T12:45:00.002+08:00

Sa wakas nakapagpahinga rin ako sa wakas ang tagal nun ha.. pero wal ako maisulat kaya lalagay ko nalng laman ng utak ko..
Hindi ko alam kung bakit pero hindi maalis sa isip ko ang minsan nasabi sakin "Marami siya alam kesa satin, gets mo ba?" nung mga oras na sabihin sakin yan sumagot ako isa lang napakasimple lang kahit maraming nagsisigawan sa utak ko ang sagot ko lang "Sigurodo ka ba?" at wala ko natagap na sagot mula sa kausap ko.
Pero ano laman ng utak ko? Imposibleng 3 works lang yan ako pa. Sus sabi ko nga mauubusan ang textbook sa mga paliwanag at reasoning pero ako hindi, mananahimik ako pero hindi ibig gabihin nun eh titigil dun sa paggalaw ang brain fats ko hahaha.
Gets ko ba? Actually hindi, bakit kase hindi ako maniniwala basta basta na Maraming alam ang isang tao tungkol sa ibang tao, dahil kahit ako mismo isa lang ang taong kakilala ko na kung minsan kinukwestyon ko pa un ang Sarili ko, na minsan eh hindi ko rin magets, hahaha.
Kung meron man tao na sobrang maraming alam tungkol sa ibang tao, pwede bang malaman ko kung sino ka? Para atleast malaman ko kung kanino ko eelibs. Kakaibang talento kase yan eh. Isipin mo malalaman mo ng ganon ganon lang kung ano ang katauhan ng isang tao, pano ba ginagawa un. Sa loob ng 25 na taon kahit sarili ko magulang may mga pagkakataon parin na hindi ko sila maintindihan. Never ako nawala sa puder ang mga magulang ko dahil ayaw ako payagan bumukod ng tatay ko. Pero sa totoo lang minsa hindi ko parin mawari dahil may ugali parin at kilos ang mga magulang ko na hindi ko inaasan, hindi ko parin pala sila kilala ng lubusan.
May isa ko kaibigan sa loob ng bahay nila at sa harap ng syota niya napakabait ng bruha, di makabasag pinggan, walang bahid ng kalokohan, tahimik napatulala ako ibang tao siya pagkami kami lang makakasama. Ang daldal ng bruha na un, mas malutong pa sa chicharon kung magmura un pero hindi ko nakita at narinig un nung nasa bahay nila ko at nung kasama niya shota niya, ang bilis ng pangyayari isang minuto isa babaeng bakal kasama ko pagkurap ko si Maria Clara na siya ang galing elibs ako.
May officemate ako anak ng putakte naturingan tenure na sa trabaho hindi parin niya alan ginagawa niya sa araw araw sa opisina, parang baguhan parin, tanong dito escalate dun, away na nga siaya sagutin ng ibang tao sa office pano hindi un at un din naman. Pero nalaman namin na sideline niya lang ang callcenter chet, stockholder siya ng isang corporation, nagpapalakad ng family business at may sarili pa siyang negosyong nakabukod. Elibs, un na kulang nalang eh sabihan sa floor ng bobo eh asensado sa buhay at hindi basta basta.
Hehe, yan ang gusto ko itanong sa nagsabi sakin ung nasa taas. Kung alam ng taong un ang lahat siguro naman malalaman niya ung mga ganyan pangyayari.
Napapagisip ako, paano niya nalalaman ang lahat? Naghire ba siya ng private ditektib para lang malaman ang mga gusto niya malaman. Ang yaman naman pala niya (pautang lol) para gumastos at may oras siya pagaksayahan ng panahon ang mga yan. O bumabase lang siya sa nakikita niya, sa galaw at sa sinsabi ng taong sinasabi niyang marami siyang alam tungkol sa tao. Alam ko ang ganyang diskarte, inoobserbahan mo ang gawi ng isang tao. Sa bawat galaw kinakalula mo, binabasa mo ang mga sinasabi niya ng hindi literal. Hhhmmm.. Alam ko rin gawin yan pero sure ako na hindi ko parin totoong kilala ang taong pagtutuunan ko ng ganyan atensyon. Bakit? Pano kung un ang gusto niyang ipakita at paniwalaan ko? Paano kung maskara niya iyon para matakapan ang totoo niyang pagkatao?
Isa lang ang lagi ko sinsabi sa sarili ko hindi ko pwede maliitin ang kakayanan ng kahit na sino, kahit pa ako ang pinakamatalino at makapangyarihan tao sa buong mundo walang mabibigay sayo ng kakayanan alamin ang lahat lahat dahil isang tao lang ang pwede kong kilalanin ng lubusan, un eh ang sarili mo wala nangiba.

Duwag

2009-07-15T08:57:00.003+08:00

Pwede ba! Kung wala kayo magawa sa mga buhay ninyo bakit hindi pa kayo maglason!
Kung gusto ninyo magkalat dun kayo magkalat sa bakuran ninyo!
Kapal naman nagmukha mo! Wala ka kahihiyan! Oo nakaproxy ka kaya hindi ako sigurado kung sino ka pero ang sigurado ko, WALA KA NGANG KWENTANG TAO DUWAG KA PA.
Natatawa ka ba kase napagiisip mo kame susme, isipin mo nalang kung ilan tao ang awang awa at tawang tawa sayo sa mga pinaggagawa mo! Manawa ka naman, mahiya ka sa balat mo kung meron ka nun.
Pati ba naman dito sa sarili ko lugar magkakalat ka! Para kang asong kahol ng kahol dahil walng pumapansin. Ayan pinansin ka na? Masaya ka na malamang?! Pero pinansin ka kaya dahil kapansin pansin ka o para lang manahimik ka dahil SALOT ka na!?
Bakit hindi ka gumawa ng sarili mo blog at dun ka magngangangawa!

Sows!

2009-07-14T01:46:00.003+08:00

If you'll be looking at my chatbox (located at the right side of my blog) you'll see a very funny pathetic messages there. I won't be deleting the shouts yet.
If I'll be considering what bloggers will say when they receive this kind of "shouts" on their blogs, I'll say thats foul, offensive, disturbing, abusive ect. ect.
But reading these makes me laugh, hard, why? the person's too scared. Why do you have to use a proxy site to access my blog account? Yes, my dear, we do receive notification and got information on what ever was posted on our blog site. Who ever, when ever, how ever and where ever. Funny you have to use someone elses name and use a proxy site? And those messages aren't even addressed to me. How pathetic is that?Using a bloggers site just to say nasty things about other people, can't you see. you're just making your self a laughingstock of those people and then you'll brag about it, pathetic!
Please do your self a favor, get over it!
Manawa ka naman. Para kang nagcrack ng joke pero magwawala ka pagpinagtawanan ka?Dusko pwede ba..

3 Red Lights?

2009-07-09T10:08:00.004+08:00

Lately napapadalas ako kausapin ng mga kaibigan ko dito sa office about sa mga love life nila. Sows, bakit ako pa tinanong eh ako nga itong walang love life. Moving forward, nasabi ko nga one time “Seasonal ba ito? Panggatlo ka na ateh sa mga kumakausap sakin. Panalo kayong magkakaibigan ha pagnagkalove life sabay sabay, pagnagkaproblema sabay sabay din parang sakit lang hawahan.”
So ang secession of event ganto, una nagkwento si Friendship #1, pwera sa mala-telenovelang friendster testimonial na love story nila syempre may talk show portion ang lola mo sa tabi ng station ko, nagkwento ng kadramahan ng jowa niya.
Tama kayo sa nabasa ninyo Telenovela sa Friendster Testimonial, ganto kase un hindi maboka ang ang friendship ko na ito pagdating sa lovelife. One time nakatihan ko kalkalin ang friendster ko, napansin ko lagi may update ang lola mo, ay check akesh ng profile niya. Dun ako na nagulat ng bonggang bongga, ang love istoryahan nasa testimonial, may sagutan to the highest level, may pasweet, may awa to the max, may breakan galore, may kulitan galore at kung ano ano pang update ng lola mo sa lovelife nila, nasa Friendster Testimonial na nakikita ng kanyang madalang friends. Syempre chumika ko sa friendship ko, biniro ko about dun, ay ung jowa pala nya ang may trip ng ganon, sabi ko “teh, meron naman IM sa MSN, YM sa Yahoo, may Skype, Jabber, Gtalk Meebo ect ect. bakit hindi na lang dun? Pero in fairness parang kasing haba ng MRT line ang hair mo may pa mahal na mahal kita na nakalagay dun. Sushal.” Sagot ni Friendship #1, “Ay teh, kung ako lang eh mas ok nga talaga sa YM na lang para hindi parang telenovela sa Friendster ang drama namin ang kaso ang jowa ko ang hindi ko magets kaya gow na lang ang lola mo.” Then napansin ko na lang na kakaiba ang mga shout out ng Friendship ko sa mga online churki nya, kaya kinausap ko at baka atakihin sa puso pag hindi nilabas ang nasasaloob, sabi ko lang naman “ate, muzta lovelife?” pagkasabi ko nun ayun na nagstart na ang talk show portion namin. Nalaman ko na hindi na nga daw healthy ang relationship nila, away bati sila damay mo pa na LDR sila, nasa ibang bansa ang jowa niya. Sabi ko lang sa friendship ko,”Basta alamin mo lang muna kung ano gusto mo gawin kung saan ka magiging masaya, kung sure ka na gow lang. Hindi madali yan masakit yan kahit papano, kahit pa sabihin mo na ikaw ung makikipaghiwalay. Kahit pa sabihin mo na mas ok ka ng wala siya, minahal mo yan kahit papaano mamimiss mo yan may kirot kung baga.. Basta maging sigurado ka lang lang muna.” End ang talkshow, end rin ang relationship ni Friendship #1 at jowa niya pero nakikita ko naman na happy siya ngayon. Good for her mas ok daw siya ngayon, kesa nung meron siya jowa, edi betterer!

Then here comes Friendship #2, ay eto po ay hindi normal na relasyon at medyo komplikado pero kapupulutan ng aral. Nalaman ko na si Friendship #2 ay may kagagahan ginagawa, ilan araw na pala itong lumalaklak ng alak pagkatapos ng shift para lang borlog na agad pagkadating sa bahay at ayaw na magisip. Chinika sakin un ni Friendship #1, habang naguusap kame lumapit si Friendship #2 samin, sabay banat ni Friendship #1 “Ayan teh, siya na dapat mag kwento ng matauhan ang bakla.” Sagot ko “Ay sows, ayoko makisawsaw sa mga yan, hindi ako itrimitida, buhay ninyo yan, keri ninyo yan.” Sabay sabi ni Friendship #2 “Friend kase, nakakasad lang, ang hirap eh.” Susko ang hirap daw ni hindi ko alam ang buong storya, lost ako. At nagkwento na ang bakla. Meron pala siyang ka MU, no commitment pero mahal niya ang guy, ang catch kaofficemate namin, kilala ko, kaclose ko, mygulay ang bongga hindi ako aware maygawd! Ang siste eh nasasaktan na daw si Friendship #2 dahil sa set up nila hindi niya daw kaya ung ganon na aware naman si guy sa feelings niya at aware naman siya na wala sila commitment pero masakit naman na harap harapan siya sinasaktan. Isa lang sinabi ko kay bakla “Ano gusto mo mangyari?” Sagot ng lola mo, “I want to move on.” Ang taray ng statement! Sabi ko lang “Then move on, that would definitely hurt, you have to deal with the fact that you will see him every single day but you have to get over with that feeling. Two choices magpakamartyr ka at lunukin lahat ng pinamumukha niya sayo na sinasabi mo na masakit or face the greater pain to lose him but heal sooner?” O di napaisip ang bakla, tuloy ang drama, kwento dito kwento dun. Good listener naman ako kaya keri lang. Sabi niya sakin bago ko magoff sa work eh desidido na siya na magmove on na. So ok na at makakaraos na rin si Friendship #2 sa mga kagagahan niya. Aba, pagbalik ko sa office from a 2-days off hindi ako tinantanan ng lola mo sa IM galore niya kwento dito kwento dun, nasasaktan daw ang lola mo. May nakwento siya sakin sabi niya nakausap nya daw si guy na friends na lang sila pero wag na daw asahan ni guy na magiging the same ung treatment niya sa kanya pero meron daw siya hinihingi kay guy, mga picture yata un o video (wala naman ata scandal malinis ung mga video) ewan ko nakalimutan ko na. Napataas kilay ko. Ang tanong ko kay Friendship #2 “Para saan ang mga hinihingi mong un? Anu purpose?” Sagot niya “Memories that I’ll keep”. Ay hindi ko kineri, sagot ako “Ateh, kung magdedesisyon ka be firm, why do you have to ask him those pictures? For memories? Ay wag mo ko lokohin you’re using those as an excuse to talk to him and let him know na magmove on ka na, ang totoo you want to know his reaction? You want to know kung affected nga siya once nakakita ka ng konting pagasa jump ka nanaman agad dun, dusko wag mo ko paikutin sa mga dahilan mo basangbasa ko ang d’ moves mo. You don’t need his confirmation or anything if you’re decided to move on and let go gagawin mo un ng wala nang ibang dahilan, kundi dahil gusto mo.” Tameme ang bakla nasapol ko ata ang katotohanan nangilid ngilid ang luha. Say ko lang “Girl, sinasabi ko lang ang nakikita ko hindi dahil gusto kitang masakatan kundi para malaman mo kung ano ang tingin ko, kung ano ung nandyan sa likod ng utak mo na pilit mong iniiwasan.” Ang taray ng linya ko napabow ako! Tapos akala ko nauntog na sa pader nang lola mo hindi papala, ang drama, kinausap daw siya ni guy luminya ng “I’m sad, sana minahal na lang kita, sinadya ko gawin mga un para lumayo ka, kase alam ko eventually masasaktan kita.” Ang taray ng linya ni guy, pero di ko gets. Eto naman si Friendship #2, sabi sakin eh ok na daw siya may kadate nga daw siya nung weekend dako daw, sows! Sabi niya ok na daw siya magmove on na daw talaga siya. Napatingin ako sa kanya may huling tanong sana ako sa kanya “Bakla sure ka ba na ok ka na as in move on dahil gusto mo na patayin ung feelings mo o ok kana kase nakikita mo na ganyan siya ngayon, na nagtagumpay ka, na alam mo na kahit papano may chance parin pala kayo kung trip mo na ulit magpakagaga?”

At ang huli si Friendship #3, eto pinakabongga sa lahat kase nasagad ang patience ko na hindi napuputol pero hindi kineri ng powers ko. Hindi na kame masyado nakakausap lately ni Frienship #3 simula ng magalsabalutan siya dito sa aming trabaho, layas ng lola mo gora kung san man. Pero winner ang istoryahan ng babaitang yan susko, nagugulat ako ng bonggang bongga sa mga pangyayari pero keri lang kaya pa naman ng altapresyon ko. Wag na natin ungkatin pa ang past at baka abutin tayo ng eleksyon hindi pa tayo tapos, so diretso na tayo sa medyo present. Ganito bumungad si frienship sakin, umpisa palang ng open forum eh pinaginit na agad ang bunggo ko. Kadadating ko lang dito sa office pero OL na agad ako, nagmessage ang lola mo “Muzta?” sagot ko “ok lang kadadating ko lang dito sa office.” Sumagot ulit siya, “Busy ka?” Sagot ko, “Medyo kadadating ko lang kase dito eh, wait lang ha.” Sagot ng lola mo ulit, “Ganon ba? Sige wag na lang.” Ay napataas ang kilay ko ng bonggang bongga, parang gusto ko makipagupakan ng di oras. Naoffend ako dun noh, buti nga sinagot ko pa siya sabi ko lang naman sandali, hindi niya ata na gets na nasa office ako at may ginagawa, hindi naman ako nakatanga lang sa bahay para instantly makipag chikahan noh. Dusme kung hindi lang ako kabaitan malamang sinopla ko un eh, pero siyempre inintindi ko ang bruha, ask naman ako “Bakit ba? May problema ba?” At dun na sinimulan ng bakla ang istoryahan ng masalimuot na love life niya. Dahil mahaba unti lang ang nastock na vocabulary sa memory ko, sabi niya, mahal niya pero nahuli niya na nagsisinungaling, bakit daw ganon nagawa na niya ung parte niya nagtext siya ng sang damakmak, nag misscall pero wala tawag, walang text. Nagawa niya pa ngang magwalk out pero wala parin nagawa un, dedma. Hindi parin siya tinatawagan hindi siya kinakausap. Susme, obvious na obvious na ang dapat gawin, ayaw parin, sabi ko “Kung nagawa mo na ang lahat at wala ka naman na regret if ever tigilan mo na, mas madali kausapin ang bingi kesa sa nagbibingibingihan.” Sagot ni Friendship #3 sakin “Ayun nga kaso ayoko lang magkaroon ng regret, ayoko lang na ako pa ung masumbatan ganon, gusto ko lang ung closure.” Sagot ko, “Girl, kung nagawa mo na lahat pero wala parin tigilan mo na, oo tama na gawin mo lahat ng kaya mo ung parte mo sa relasyon, dapat lang naman diba, pero magtira ka naman ng kahit onti sa sarili mo, magtira ka ng pride.” Hindi na siya sumagot akala ko ok na. Pero paulit ulit, un at un ang sinsabi ni Friendship #3 sa YM sakin, at ngayon ko icoconfess oo dinededma ko na lang, hindi ko sinasagot kase paulit ulit lang. Pagnagsalita ako hindi rin naman ginagawa, nakakapagod lang, nakakasawa. Pero one time late na ko umuwi sa bahay kase kinuha ko ung bago ko puppy, aba, message agad ang lola mo sakin dedma muna. Eh biglang nagmessage sa FB ko si Friendship #1 sabi sakin “Shayne, naiirita na ko, nakakasawa na, hindi ko alam kung bakit pero parang alam ni Friendship #3 na online ako, ayoko naman na makialam, problema nila un eh.” Sabi ko “Sandali sandali, anu ba ginawa istroyahan mo ko bilis.” Si Friendship #1 “Sabi niya kung nagtext na daw si jowa niya sakin, kung pwede ko daw itext kase hindi nga daw nagrereply sa kanya baka sakaling magtext sakin, paghindi ako nagreply pinapasahan ako ng load, may load naman ako ayaw ko lang magreply kase ayoko makialam sa kanila. Minsan naman tulog ako, ate naman natutulog din naman ako, nagtatrabaho, paghindi ako nagreply feeling ata niya iniiwasan ko siya.” Sagot ko “Hindi nga ba?” Si Friendship #1 “Tarantado ka talaga hahaha!” Sagot ko, “Susko matagal ko na alam. Pero kung ganyan ng ganyan yan, rektahin mo, sabihin mo yan mga himutok mo sakin, ok lang yan para marealize niya kalokohan niya, ako bahala, pagnagalit yaan mo lang wala ka naman ginawa masama, sinabi mo lng ung totoo. Pero sige kakausapin ko muna ng matauhan ng babaeng ito.” Kaya sinagot ko na message ni Friendship #3, “Eto ok lang, kadadating ko lang ng bahay.” Tapos bumanat na si Friendship, “Hindi sumasagot si Friendship #1 sakin online ba siya? Kase hindi parin nagtetext sakin si jowa ko eh, gusto ko lang malaman baka kay Friendship #1 nagtetext gusto ko lang malaman kung bakit hindi niya ko kinakausap. Gusto ko lang naman magkausap kame, ayoko kaseng masumabtana ako atleast ginawa ko lahat.” Sumagot ako “Friendship, wag mo masamain sasabihin ko sayo, kung magagalit ka sakin wala ko magagawa pero sasabihin ko sayo parin ito. Una, istorbo ka na, alam mo ba un? Hindi sa ayaw ka kausap ni Friendship #1 o ako, kase parang sirang plaka ka na paulit ulit na lang, un at un lang din naman hindi mo pa ba nagegets? Ayaw ka niya kausap un un. Pangalawa, kayo ung magshota diba? Bakit kailangan idamay o kulitin mo ibang tao para dyan? Hindi naman si Friendship #1 o ako ang shota niya ikaw, kung ayaw ka kausapin ano gagawin mo? Alam mo, nakakaawa ka na pero tignan mo kahit awa hindi niya magawa sayo, hindi mo ba nakikita un? Nagawa mo na lahat, sa mga kwento mo nagawa mo na ung part mo, tama na, kase pagtinuloy mo pa yang kagagagahan mo, hindi ka lang nakakaawa nakakatawa ka na. Itira mo naman pride bakla. Isa pa, base sa mga kwento mo dahil hindi ko naman alam ang side ng jowa mo, kung gusto niya makipagayos kung gusto parin niya ituloy yan, umpisa palang hinabol ka na niya, umpisa palang na magkagulo kayo inayos na niya yan, at hindi na pinaabot sa ganto. Magisip ka naman, wag ung tipong “masakit kase”, nasasaktan ka kase, lang ang ililinya mo, nandun na tayo masakit yan pero ano magagawa mo magmukmok dyan, walang mangyayari kung ganon, tignan mo nga sarili mo, miserable ka pero siya ano sa tingin mo? At ang sumbatan, kung hindi ka manunumbat hindi ka rin masusumbatan, un lang un.” Natahimik ang lola mo, alam ko parang binuhusan yan ng tubig sa sinabi ko at after 2 updates sa facebook sumagot ang bruha “Salamat Shayne, yan lang hinihintay ko sayo, ung masabon mo ko, yan talaga kailangan ko eh, alam ko sasabihin mo yan sakin eh. Para magising gising ako. Salamat.” Sabi ko lang na magpahinga na siya dahil alam ko wala pa siya tulog dahil ang sabi sakin iyak lang daw siya ng iyak. After nun akala ko, ok na siya, natauhan na, parang binasagan ko kase siya ng bote sa ulo eh, di pa kaya siya matauhan nun. Eh un ang akala ko, ako lang pala ang hindi niya kinakausap, kase alam niyua masesermonan ko siya, un pala patuloy parin ang text at pag hihimutok niya kay Friendship #1, ang sabi gusto mo nya lang daw ng closure, anak ng tokwang closure yan, istyle nya bulok! Until now hindi niya ko kinakausap kay dito ko sasabihin ang gusto ko malaman mo, “Hoy, tantanan mo na yang kalokohan mo, closure closure, ang sabihin mo gusto mo siya makausap para maawa siya sayo, para balikan ka, un ang gusto mo. O kung hindi naman, pride yan dude, kase naunahan ka, kase ikaw ung iniwan, na masakit at nakakaawa ka naman, siya kase meron nang iba ikaw talunang naiwan magisa. Ang sakit ko ba magsalita, pasensiya na, hindi kase gumagana sayo ung mahinahong salita eh, hindi ka nauuntog, pasok sa tenga labas sa kabila, kundi naman iiwasan mo ung taong nagsasabi ng totoo, kase un naman talaga ung nasa utak mo, ayaw mo lang aminin. Nandun na ko, kailangan ng tuldok sa sentence para masabing sentence un, pero sino ba sumusulat? Kayo dalawa diba pero isang papel at lapis lang gamit ninyo, bakit hindi mo agawin ung lapis at ikaw mismo maglagay ng tuldok. Hindi sa lahat ng pagkakataon eh kailangan ng pagsangayon ng kabilang partido, minsan kailangan mo gumawa ng desisyon ng magisa ka lang, lalo na kung nilalason ka na nito, hihintayin mo pa ba siya kung naghihingalo ka na? Bakit tingin mo ba meron siya dalang gamot? Hindi mo ba naisip na baka lason pa ang ibigay niya sayo na lalo magpapadali ng buhay mo?”

Dusko hinahighblood ako sa mga kalokohang ito. Minsan kase para na ko sirang plaka sa inyo, minsan mas gugustuhin ko na lang isipin ninyo na hindi ako nakikinig at magalit kayo sakin kesa sa pakingan ko kayo at iplay ang recorded tape nang mga sinasabi ko kase paulit ulit lang naman.
Wag ninyo sana masamain mga sinsabi ko, ung lang naman kase ang nakikita ko. Pagnagkwento kase kayo sakin isa lang nasaisip ko, naghahanap kayo ng sasangayon sa mga gusto ninyo kahit alam ninyong mali un. Hindi kase payo ang habol eh, pagsangayon, dahil alam ninyong mali ang gusto ninyong gawin, pilit ninyo itong binabaliwala kaya naghahanap kayo ng sasangayon sa inyo para atleast masabi ninyong tama parin pala ito kahit papaano. Pesensiya pero hindi ako un, sasabihin ko kung ano tingin ko, sasabihin ko kung ano ang nakikita ko, mga bagay na pilit ninyong binabaliwala dahil ayaw ninyong tignan. Alam ko pwede rin mali ako sa mga sinsabi ko, pero un ang nakikita ko sa sitwasyon, pero sabi nga nila nasa tao parin na un ang desisyon, kahit ilang ulit ko sabihin ito kung mayroon naman na talaga kayo desisyon wala na ko magagawa. Buhay ninyo yan eh.

Haiku Part II

2009-07-06T11:47:00.001+08:00

Haiku Part II

A day of bad luck
Gnaw me blindly to pitch-black
As scars to remind

***

Anger in his core
Revenge he craves even more
In his eyes avow

***

Loudness of silence
Calmness of raging fury
Scorching behind me

- written June 17, 2009

Thoughts - Black

2009-07-05T09:15:00.005+08:00

You are black! You are probably an introverted, indifferent sort of person. You aren't necessarily emo or really hateful, though you can be. You just aren't bubbly and happy all the time like yellows, oranges, and pinks. In fact, you probably have a hard time putting up with people who ARE happy all of the time. You are probably intelligent and artistic, and maybe a little bit of a loner. You do have friends, you just don't mind being alone. Gives you time to think. You are a little blunt, and you usually tell it like it is. You are classy, and simplicity goes a long way with you. You can be a little off-beat, your interests may not go with "the norm". As for your friends, you love them deeply. You may not have many close friends, but you choose them carefully. You are incredibly loyal to your friends, and they know they can count on you. You'd do just about anything for them, and they know it. You probably don't show your feelings so much, but you do have feelings. Deep ones, too. You feel things deeply, and you can be passionate - you just don't show it. Your sense of humor is probably a little dark, but you do love to laugh. You can be totally crazy when you open up, but you rarely do. You, in a nutshell: Classy, introverted, loyal, a bit of a loner, unique, edgy, deep, artistic, crazy (rarely), intelligent. BLACK!

hmmm... first impression probably one can say those but once you get to know me, you'll say I'm a crazy funny bitch, but thise are quite true..

Moving forward, I miss writing but I can't find time to write. Ang dami ko idea ngayon kung ano ano, sama istoryang napapakingan ko araw araw, sa pagiging matabil ko, sa mga kadaldalan ko, ang dami ko naiisip pero bakit parang hindi ko sila maisulat. Nung isang araw sinubukan ko pero 2 lines lang nagawa ko tapos nawala na sa isip ko magsulat bakit kaya?
Siguro wala palang ako sa mood, siguro marami lang ako iniisip, siguro magulo lang ang mga idea ko hay.. namimiss ko na magsulat..

Thoughts - Today

2009-07-01T12:29:00.003+08:00

I didn't realize I already run out of books on my shelf that I haven't read. I read ebooks at work and books at home in my room before sleeping.
Mostly I read James Patterson's Women's Murders Series or Mitch Albom or Paulo Coelho books at home. While I prefer chicklits at work. Extremes huh?! Well I'm unpredictable I guess.
That's how mess up everything is, I don't what to clog it with all this ahh never mind. Have a lot of work to do. I have a lot of things to settle and decisions to make. I guess I'm over with some and hoping I'm truly am.
I admit I have my faults but not everything, I have my reasons and those are valid ones. Childish, possibly but not all the time not every sigle time. I have my own reservation yes, but thats for me too keep. One sided story - most of the time led you to a wrong direction, nobody ask mine, no one dared to answer my questions. Well, I can't wait forever, most of the time you'll get tired and go on with your life. You hold your decision and your choices. Atleast I've tried everything, waiting is painful but not knowing is the worst pain ever, so why wait if you can move forward and have a life.
Can someone make up for the lost time and effort?
Answer MAYBE. But you can never turn back time. What you could have done yesterday could mean something that time and but would no longer matter today.
Darn life, I just wanted to be over with what's in my head right now, have a long vacation and take care of my new puppy-Pochi and my doggy-Pandy.

Thoughts - Libra

2009-06-23T04:00:00.004+08:00

Another FB application..

Very pretty, Very romantic, Nice to everyone they meet, Their Love is one of a kind, Silly, Fun, Sweet, Have their own unique sexiness, Most caring person you will ever meet! AMAZING IN BED! Spontanious, Neat, Addicted and loyal to their friends, Not the kind of person you wanna fuck with :) You might end up crying; The most irresistible, Strong, Powerful, EXTREMELY PASSIONATE!?????????????Rare to find, A great kisser, Incredibly intelligent, Most Libras are deep-thinkers, Outgoing, Lovable, Corky, Crazy, A fun-lover, Funny, Talkative, Erotic, Smart, LOVES sports, Gets what he/she wants, Loves to be in a relationship BUT, is completely happy and free if single..

Very romantic,(well I am..) Nice to everyone they meet(hindi sa lahat noh..), Their Love is one of a kind(ow well.. hmmm), Silly(pretty much, sometimes), Fun, Sweet, Have their own unique sexiness(well, well, well.), Most caring person you will ever meet!(trueness hahaha) AMAZING IN BED!(no comment) Spontanious, Neat, Addicted and loyal to their friends(very), Not the kind of person you wanna fuck with :)(try ninyo, now na para naman maiba ung trip ko, madali naman ako kauspa eh.. pero pagpumalag ako sisiguraduhin ko mananalo ako hahaha) You might end up crying(un na!); The most irresistible, Strong, Powerful, EXTREMELY PASSIONATE!?????????????(need to say more?)Rare to find, A great kisser, Incredibly intelligent, Most Libras are deep-thinkers, Outgoing, Lovable, Corky, Crazy, A fun-lover, Funny, Talkative, Erotic, Smart, LOVES sports, Gets what he/she wants, Loves to be in a relationship BUT, is completely happy and free if single ..(happy and single)

karamihan dyan totoo noh.. hahahah

Haiku

2009-06-22T10:04:00.003+08:00

I've written a couple of Haikus, I ask PadrePio(symb) to check it because I'm new to this format I want someone who I know is familiar with such, before posting it. I never thought it would be an issue for some. I tried explaining my side, I never intended to offend other people.
I was just up to the challenge and learning those kinds of format really inspired me alot.
Oh well, moving forward. I never thought Padre would like my haikus. Subok lang kase un, I need thought of impressing him, I just wanted him to check it and tell me kung nakuha ko ng tama ung idea ng haiku. Hindi kase ko ganon ka familiar dun. But he did liked it and ask me to post it na and I did. Thanks for the challenge and help Padre. And certainly I'll keep on writing..

So heres 3 of them.. I've written about 5 haikus I think.

A stormy cold night
Flameless candle as my light
In this room I hide

***

Today I woke up
With a desire to be loved
By this selfish life

***

Dark clouds in the sky
Sign of rain, pouring anytime
Washing trace of lies

-written June 17, 2009

How

2009-06-17T13:10:00.001+08:00

How dark is black
If one can't see
Through a child's eyes
So blissful with glee

How warm is a hug
For a lonely orphan
Longing to be loved
And cherished by someone

How loud is the silence
In this crowded room
If no one listens
In any of the tune

How painful is the wound
With no bloodstains
Instead, traces of tears
From the eye remains

How someone can be so cruel
Not to understand at all
How can selfishness rule
Inside somebody's soul

-written June 05, 2009

Thoughts - Me?!

2009-06-16T12:51:00.003+08:00

God I got this from FB again.. its so true.. it so me.. mygolly..

What does your birthday say about you?

Suave and compromising. Careful, cautious and organized. Likes to point out people's mistakes. Likes to criticize. Stubborn. Quiet but able to talk well. Calm and cool. Kind and sympathetic. Concerned and detailed. Loyal but not always honest. Does work well. Very confident. Sensitive. Thinking generous. Good memory. Clever and knowledgeable. Loves to look for information. Must control oneself when criticizing. Able to motivate oneself. Understanding. Fun to be around. Secretive. Loves sports, leisure and traveling. Hardly shows emotions. Tends to bottle up feelings. Very choosy, especially in relationships. Systematic.

This is so me.. Every single one, this is so me.. "calm and cool" - well I am, "concerned and detailed" - details? ask me haha, "loves to look for information"-chismosa in short haha, "understanding" - thats the thing, minsan feeling ko ako lang ang umiintindi but people don't understand me :(, "secretive" :whistle:, "hardly shows emotions. Tends to bottle up feelings" - true I won't show how I feel or even tell what I'm thinking, I hold back most of the time.

Thougths - A Match

2009-06-15T23:59:00.004+08:00

Again because I'm so addicted to FB lately..
Daming application ang nakakaaliw.. kaloka eto pa isa..
The perfect match test

Result

Libra: Compatible with: Leo, Gemini, Sagittarius, Aquarius

Incompatible with: Scorpio, Capricorn, Pisces, Taurus, Cancer, Virgo

Variable: Libra, Aries

Funny, ang madalas naiinvolve sakin eh Pisces, Scorpio at Virgo. Malang kaya hindi nagwowork or war of the worlds and tema.. totoo nga kaya ito? But I know I possess Librans description, qualities, attitude ect.

Thoughts - Envy

2009-06-14T09:06:00.002+08:00

I'm hooked in facebooks applications.. makes me smile in a bad day.. I've answered this "What do people envy about you?" and heres what it says..

You're a giving soul, and you'd do almost anything for those you love. They'd also do anything for you! People may envy how giving you are, but more than anything, they envy those you open your heart to.

Funny, a GIVING SOUL, OPEN HEART, darn I know I'm so evil harharhar.. oh well..
I;ve thought about Envy.. recently somebody tried making me look bad to people who I hardly know, I don;t know his/her real reason for it but I won't deny it it makes me furious at first but after a couple of minutes of reading about what he/she wrote about me, it just makes me laugh. It's one hell of a person doesn't really know anything about me. He/She might observed how I deal with people online but hoiw can he/she be sure about who I really am. Easy I can pretend, I can act, I can say portaite who ever I want to be online. So who cares as long as I have my dearst friends who believe in me, who's their when even ever, hell I care abut what other people think.
But of course I have my limitations, I'll give that person one more chance, one more and certainly I'll snap so good luck. I can play anybody's game and I'll make sure I'll win.

Thoughts - Interesting

2009-06-06T12:08:00.005+08:00

I'm into facebook lately and manage to check out fun applications there. I tried this "What "Periodic Element" are you? Which will tell your personality base on the questions and give you the Element equivalent. The result..

You are strong in character, emotions, ethics and physically. People who know you believe you are reliable and steady. You say what you mean and you will follow through with it because you weighed the positives and negatives of the commitment before you even said yes. Life may though difficulties your way but you are able to cope with them because of your strength..

hmmm.. interesting coz its true.. I say what I mean and will follow through, strong character and firm. A friend's description who I spoke with earlier is exactly as that.
Nice..

Wanderer II

2009-06-05T11:12:00.005+08:00

Dahil marami naapektohan dito Wanderer minabuti kong sundan ang kalokohang ito.. Again, hindi po ako obit. Para iyan sa isang kaibigan, isinulat ko lang ung nakita ko sa sitwasyon niya, tama po na isang tao lang ang tinutukoy ko. Di ko sinasadya na maapektohan ang iba at makarelate sila hehehe.. kaya para sa inyo, dinugtungan ko.. [ang kulit ko rin eh noh hahaha]

Wanderer II

A dream he thought he already got
Had vanished in just a single snap
Memories that he carefully trapped
Seems vague and slowly being unwrapped

The moment his princess walked away
Saying, things are changing day by day
Nothings seems to matter as of today
Now he's breaking more than yesterday

Her sweet voice he constantly remembers
Now in his ears, is like a roaring thunder
Hearing those painful words she uttered
Makes him bleed and wounded deeper

A part of his life had gone meandering
He cannot dwell on sadness and hurting
One could only help himself to keep on hoping
Happiness is a choice that is worth keeping

The future ahead of him looked so blurry
And that's the beauty of life, one shouldn't worry
Coz he knows, it just ended in a tragic story
But now is the beginning of his new journey

-written June 05, 2009

Thoughts - My life

2009-06-04T09:08:00.004+08:00

I just can't find time to write. I have this pending part 2 poem that I can't seems to finish. I know I'm busy for a couple of weeks now but when ever I'm thinking about my schedule.. hmmm.. how do I manage to keep on writing before even though I got load of things to do as well.. Is it my task or I just can't find any inspiration or its just me.. I usually write about my self so why am I "somekindaloosing" time for it.

Heres the list of my window and tabs on my computer desktop at work.. (links) and I manage to check each and evertime, well I have to..
1. CAP
2. VKB Hardware
3. VKB 360
4. 4 word documents (service, logs, templates, troubleshooting)
5. msn mail (I send emails a lot, every second whew!)
6. Loisse's outlook
7. 3 Excel files (schedule, ACD, tracker)
8. An ebook (depende what book I wanted to read if I could)
9. Google hehehe
10. Symbianize (if i have time :lol:)
11. notepad (I use for writing my kalokohan)
[ill attach a screen shoot tom. ill printout my office desktop so ull see the idea]
Whew! thats the reason why my office pc hangs a lot.. hahahaha.. but those are what I do while informt of my pc at work.. while I hold tons of papers if my jogging around ELJ's 6th floor to do printing, photo copying, signing papers, talking to RTA, talking to loisse, to coy, to ceejay or to somebody else hahaha.. busy huh..

At home.
1.Yahoo msg
2. Symbianize
3. msn mail (I have to keep track)
4. Facebook
5. Reastaurant city (FB)
6. Farm toen (FB)
7. Blogger
8. Deviantart
9. mybrute
10. mediafire
11. photobucket
12. google
13. mydocs

Whew! I multitask? Certainly, a talent I learned from working ina callcenter and having home and office pcs as my buddies hehehe..
oh well I guess I just have to manage my time for me to hae time in writing..
hhmmm...

My life

In a dark hole I dive
Not knowing what's inside
This time I wont elide
In my mind I must survive

I know I must be strong
Even if, things goes wrong
Now, here is where I belong
Something I'm willing to hold on

A very unpredictable cycle
This enigmatic life I handle
Simple, bald but unusual
My so-called life I fondle

-written June 04, 2009

Ménage

2009-05-28T10:54:00.003+08:00

With a pair of bloodshot eyes
From a dark alley I hide
Trying to read each mind
As I survey people, who pass by

Then a group catches my attention
With their presence and certain action
I caught myself attentively listening
To their laughters, as if hiding something

Then suddenly I found myself in the circle
Sitting and hearing each soul's whisper
Each face masked a unique individual
In their eyes reflects a precious jewel

An unparalleled character each holds
Makes me wonder and anxious to unfold
For me to search and discover their name
How each person differs as they play a game

Each day with a prize of trust we earned
Respect to each other we have yearned
Seeing those smiles as we all gather around
Of which I vow to protect every single one

A surprise I soon recognize and uncover
I'll carry a bond of each in my heart forever
They fill the hollow part of my daily routine
Something we shared that nobody had ever seen

-written April 22, 2009

Haven't written for quite sometime, don't know busy I guess..
wala sa mood. So I checked my files, I remember this poem. Papa ask me to write a peom for him. At usually pag ang inask sakin I try to portrait that I'm the person who's asking me to write something for him/her. Kaya madalas kung hindi ko masyado kakilala ung nagask sakin may interview portion muna. I guess I read his innner thoughts through that poem.
Yan ung nagawa ko hindi ko lang alam bakit hindi pa ginagamit ni papa..hahaha..

Thoughts - Iloveyou Kris Allen!

2009-05-21T10:20:00.003+08:00

Darn darn darn! Kris Allen won.. his American Idol 2009.. Aylaabbeeettt...
shoot nainlove ako sa lalaking 'to grabe.. lalo na nung kinanta nay ung Heartlesss at Ain't No Sunshine.. mygulay ilovehim na...

CONGRATULATIONS

Kris Allen

Kris Allen's smooth vocals and boy-next-door image propelled him to "American
Idol" victory Wednesday, turning the theatrical powerhouse Adam Lambert into the
most unlikely of also-rans. "I'm sorry, I don't even know what to feel right now.
This is crazy," said a stunned Allen, 23, of Conway, Ark. As host Ryan Seacrest
said in announcing the result of the viewer vote, "The underdog, the dark horse,
comes back and wins the nation over."

Hindi na ko umaasa dahil alam ko na si Adam Lambert ung mananalo, i have nothing against Adam magaling siya pero simula ng natangal si Danny Gookey si Kris na bet ko tapos kinanta nya pa ung heartless dusko panalo super..

Pero in fairness madaming magagaling sa batch na ito ng American Idol lalalo na nung top 5 na lang.. wala ka itatapon magagaling sila.. ang they gave agreat show kanina shet winner.. agree ako sa mom ni Kris mageenjoy ka sa show kanina ang gagaling.. tapos meron pa bago single ung Black Eyed Peas, YEAH!
Basta naaliw ako un lang kaya na paOnline ako ng si oras.. at hindi na ung scandal ni katrina halili ug iniisip ko wahahahaha...

Wanderer

2009-05-20T11:54:00.001+08:00

A restless flight
Of this lonely knight
Hoping he would find
The happiness of his life

Every night he wonders
If its time to surrender
All those memories he gathered
Until this moment he utters

Like a dream that came true
The day he met her, he knew
She's his princess, he longed for
Until his life is through

Then she left him for someone
Telling him, he have done none
But the feelings are all gone
Coz she thinks he's not the one

Then he utters "We're better off this way,
You, letting me go and setting me free
Now, I have to go and walk away,
Even though it's breaking me."

-written April 12, 2009
madami nagrereact na friends ko na lalaki dito sa sinulat ko.. hmmm..
affected? wala na naman ako pinatatamaan dito, when I wrote this binase ko lang siya kay mikeyl.. his the one who ask me to write him a pome about him self..

Chance

2009-05-13T10:08:00.002+08:00

I had my heart wounded deeply
But now I'm coping slowly
I'm starting a new journey
To try and write my own story

It's another ordinary day for me
After a period of solitude, now I'm free
Walking in this hallway briskly
Looking forward to everyday with glee

But out of nowhere you came
Then, it's no longer the same
Your smile rattled my game
And turned my world insane

This anxiety inside my core
In search for the one I adore
Vision of you that I can't ignore
It's your presence I longed for

I just wanted to get to know you
Look at you until the day is through
I'm hoping you'll notice all the clue
That, my pure intentions are true

-written May 09, 2009
by request ni mikeyl para daw sa kras niya, hmm hindi niya masyado gusto so I think I need to revise it. pero wala pa ko sa mood mag sulat, pasensiya..
but I love my poem kaya post ko muna dito.. thanks sa mga nakaappreciate..

Again, the anguished masked

2009-05-08T10:36:00.011+08:00

I got 4 poems na nasa chinkzode ko pero wala dito sa blog ko.. hmmm...
Sige update natin.. lagay ko ung 3..
Confession - these are all about me and no one else. It's some kinda "time table" of what happened, I guess.. harhar!

Anguish

A sleepless night,
For a restless soul.
With gloomy lights,
In this dark hall.

Staring blankly,
With a cluttered mind.
Her eyes were lonely,
Of memories unkind.

Bloody tears flow,
From an empty stare.
Now left in the shadow,
Broken beyond repair.

All these sorrow,
Shattered her core.
Hoping that morrow,
Would ease the sore

-written March 25, 2009

Masked

Silently she dwell
Here in a dark cell
A place like hell
She blend so well

Never did she tried
To unlock her mind
Share what's behind
That intuition she hide

Once, she had risked
To an emotional frisk
Then suddenly she fell in
But lose the game of flirting

No trace of teary eyes
Nor forced weak smile
Though she's breaking inside
Beneath a poker face she hides

-written April 23, 2009

Again

I held an emotion for so long
Tried disregarding it, as I move along
Somewhere I thought, I belong
No one notice it, as time goes on

All lot of which were true
Eventhough it makes me blue
I kept everything inside hidden
Coz I know, I have to end it then

So I drop the feeling
Long before I came back
But with no warning
Now my armor's starting to crack

Again I'm here inside where
I don't wanna be trapped
A familiar sullen place
I'm trying to adopted

What do you held
That makes me vincible
Again I'm wrecked
For me, being so gullible

This is so disturbing
I can't believe I'm slowly breaking
But I have to end this anxiety
And again, stop this tearing agony

-written April 25, 2009

So bahala na kayo magassume kung ano, sino, kelan, saan at paano ha..
but I'll assure you I'm ok..

Thoughts - Privacy

2009-05-06T11:47:00.003+08:00

Darn it..
After 20 long years this the only time I had my own room.. my own meaning I'm no longer sharing with my aunt or my brother.. P-R-I-V-A-C-Y at last. Purchased my own bed, my sheets, my dresser, my hamper ect ect.
We're 5 in the family my mom and dad, me and my two brothers, luckily when we move here we 3 got to have a out own separate room. Hear that S-E-P-A-R-A-T-E.
Of course we respect each space, one should knock before opening the door, even my mom and dad does that, unless my moms trying to wake my up coz I'll be going to work. At first I usually lock my door, I dont know, I got used to it. But mom got problems in keeping her spare keys so she ask me if I could just leave the door or my room unlock when ever I dose of sleep, so if ever she have to wake me up it would be easier, if a knock wont be enough, so I did. Only my mom who's allowed to do such, so coz even my dad won't just walk in if ever he needs something from me or if ever mom's not around and he needs to shake me off to wake up.
But just then my youngest brother started entering my room with out me knowing, I didn't mind it at first because mom told me that he needs to call someone and the phone outside is busted (I got an extenstion in my room, no where else), so I let it pass. But darn it, that one time became twice, trice and now very often and most of the time that happened without me knowing, its either I'm outside doing chores or when I'm sleeping. Just because he needs to borrow my phone to text someone, darn he has to go around my room before he could get my phone on top of my bedside table. And damn my phone, can you imagine, I don't certainly have any videos to keep privately but still, darn it that thing is still private.
Motherfathersheetofpaper(memoy thanx for this expression), I know its my brother but still, my dresser doesn't have any lock, my closet got one but the tiniest I have, my everyday bag's lying on the floor, most of the time zipper open. My things are everywhere in the room but I know where to look for certain things if ever, I dont what someone messing up with it, with those. There are some stuff I keep that nobody's allowed to see, look at or read, even my mom. I don't want someone getting things from me without permission, coz still those are mine. I just feel like I was invaded and I HATE IT!
My room is my comfort zone, here I could show what I really feel. Most of the time, usually when I'm not really feeling ok, I would wear a mask infront of my parents, I don't want them to see the soft side of me, I don't want to worry. Inside my room I could take that off and hug the emotion I'm keeping inside. That's another reason, my room keep my secrets and if somebody unwelcome come in, I feel like they are trying to gey something from me, something precious, something I keep.
Darn, this is enough, nobody could ever come into my room ever again, unless I'm aware off, unless I let that person in. I'll locking my doors everytime. I'll ask my mom to keep the spare key where she could easy remember she left it. I'll have my privacy back, I'll have my comfort zone again, to what its used to.

some parts of my room, maayos pa cya dyan.. ngayon super gulo na..
ung mga picture sa baba ung closet ko ung sa taas ung dresser..

kung makikita nyo ung dresser ko ngayon eh mas marami na dyan ang laman..

pati ung upuan puno na ng libro hahaha.. maayos pa yan.. kase wala kalat na bag, flipflops, book at shoes sa sahig hahaha..

Runaway

2009-05-04T02:41:00.002+08:00

Sitting on the sand by the shore
As I watch the sunset go
A magnificent sight to see
For a lonesome someone like me

Reading a book in a corner
In a cozy part of this busy diner
Here no one notice my presence
I can be me with no pretence

I had no idea where my heels are headed
Ranging this road I'm completely engaged
With an awesome beat from the car stereo
As the night goes by in this crazy metro

Staring at the dark sky above
Looking at those stars I loved
I wish I could go where they are
Leave and run away, that far

They’re comfort zone where I want to be now
A hiding place even just for a while
But reality brought me back to my senses
I'm here in my room, alone and homeless

-written May 03, 2009

Thoughts - Now

2009-05-02T04:23:00.004+08:00

This is me, now.

Panalo ang araw ko ngayon, walang ako tulog nakainom at mamaya iinom nanaman kami ng mga officemates ko.

Kahapon pa ko hindi ok, ayan para sa mga friends ko na super concern sakin, yan inamin ko na, sa mga watch mode sa blog ko at humanap ng butas para sa ikasasaya ninyo, I'm f*cking breaking right now, para sa taong, again pinagkatiwalaan ko pero hindi naniwala sakin hehe damn, you really know how to break me seriously. Salamat

It's confession time..

(guys don't worry walang makakasilip ng butas dito this is all about me.. I need to write it.. and get lost for a while..)

I know what I've done this past few weeks, ung mga bagay na pinagkakaabalahan ko, ung mga "surprises" ko. I know my goal and focus why I'm doing that but I never did expect I'm this weak. Ngayon, hindi ko na alam kung bakit ko ginawa un, kung dahil sa evil plan ko or I just wanna let people know how I rule someone (Darn, I'm so selfish).

I manage to keep mum about what's, happening eventhough I'm aware about it, halos hindi ko nagagawa ung part ko, thinking na baka mapahamak ako or baka maputol ung ginagawa ko. Worst is I'm enjoying it, while loosing the idea of the real deal to what i'm doing.

Now, I wanna apologize to all of you, to those people whom I call my family. Sarili ko lang inisip ko this past few weeks, hindi ko man lang kayo nakaya ipagtanggol, for the stupid reason na ayoko makialam, damn, dapat nakialam ako dahil ako ang puno't dulo ng lahat ng ito. Sorry na inisip ko lang ang sarili ko, in holding back because ayoko madamay. At first I know my purpose for doing so, but as it goes nawawala un, sorry talaga.

I'm playing this goody goody girl not taking sides pero feeling ko hindi ko nagagawa ung dapat na ginagawa ko for all of you, para dun sa mga taong nasa tabi ko eversince, sorry for being so weak and for being so selfish, alam ko kasalanan ko lahat.

What happen? Honestly nahirapan ako aminin, kahit hanggang ngayon indenial parin ako, pero nangyari ang kinakatakot ko, bumalik ung dati, the stupid affected me, ung sinulat ko na again, totoo un. For all those so-called lies na naririnig ko from him, may part ako na naniniwala sa kanya, I know fault ko ito, sakin nagsimula at hanggang ngayon parte ako. Ang dali ko kase maniwala, ang dali ko magtiwala ulit kahit marami na nangyari dati. Kahit pa kung ano ano na ung alam ko, ang tanga tanga ko. Sorry talaga, sobra ako kaapektado nung time na nalaman ko ung result. You dont deserve those, kung meron man dapat nagkaroon nun, ako lang dapat, ako ang root nito aminin man natin o hindi.

Sayo kung babasahin mo pa ito o hindi kiber..

sayo ang galing mo , you know me to well, it seems so easy for you to make me feel miserable. Tutal you wont let me explain myself and you wont understand we're I'm coming from, dito ko lilinawin sarili ko para gumaan ang pakiramdam ko kahit konti, sa space ko na walang pwede makikialam, walang sino man ang pwede magdelete at dumedma. Una, sa lahat ng accusations mo, walang kahit isang tama, maniwala ka o hindi, wala akong ipipilit. Nung sinabi ko wala kame ng taong un, wala kame talaga, wag mo ipagduldulan sakin ang hindi totoo.

May gusto kong ipaisip sayo, nailugar mo na ba ang sarili mo sa lugar ko? Kahit isang beses? Your accusing me of so many things, but whenever I'm clarifying my side, myself you wont believe me. Kung gagawin ko sayo iyon ano mararamdaman mo? Someone you know, already accuse me of such thing, ikaw rin pala. Salamat ha.

Alam mo problema mo? Sinusubukan mo magbago hindi para sa sarili mo, kundi para sa iba, well, thats flattering honestly but you know, whats bad about it? Once may maling nagawa ung dahilan mo sa pagbabago, magkakaroon ka narin ng reason para bumalik sa dati at tigilan ang nasimulan mo na, tama ba? Ginagawa mo ung mga bagay na ayaw mo gawin sayo, pero you're too close minded to understand and even hear the other person. Ang bilis mo pa magconclude salamat, maraming salamat.

Ako, na dapat gumagawa sayo niyan, dahil sa lahat ng kasalanan mo sakin, ako pa ngayon ang nasa negative note, ang galing mo talaga. Sinubukan mo ba ko intidihin, everytime na sinasabi mo na ako ang may sala?

Sasagutin ko ung tanong mo, HINDI sakin galing ang mga un, nacheck mo na ba ung sarili mong mga post? Nareview mo na ba lahat? Kahit ung mga deleted? Going back from the beginning? If you can bring back the past, so do I, so do other people, who's aware, hindi mo rin ba naisip that people could dig the past and bring it back? Naisip mo ba un? Naisip mo ba na ikaw mismo ang nagfeed sa kanila ang mga linyang un?
Stop accusing people sa mga bagay na ikaw mismo ang may gawa. Stop asking for something na hindi mo rin naman papakinggan. Don't act na ikaw lang ung nasaktan, put*ngin* kung ikaw ung taong hindi papaniwalaan sa mga bagay na sinasabi mo, ano mararamdaman mo? Masyado ka na kafocus sa bagay na inaapi ka, ni hindi mo nakita kung ano nagyayari at sinasakripisyo ng ibang tao para sayo. Ang nakikita mo lang ung mali.

Tinago ko lahat ng yan sa sarili ko, tingin mo ba kung alam ng lahat ang nayayari eh meron parin ako kakampi ngayon? Nakakatawa noh.. Balik nanaman ako sa dati, back to zero ko dude.

Nakakapagod ba? Mas nakakapagod ang magpakatanga at hindi paniwalaan after mo magtiwala at maniwala ulit.

Sa mga taong nandyan lagi sa tabi ko, sana maintindihan ninyo ko, kung magagalit kayo sakin maiintindihan ko rin naman, alam ko ang mali ko, alam ko ako ang may kasalanan kaya maiintidihan ko un. Sorry ulit sa inyo.

Sayo, tama ka, Good Luck. I tried hanggang sa huli, pero wala rin nangyari, at aaminin ko nagpakatanga nanaman ako, anu pa bang bago.

Thoughts - F.Y.C.

2009-04-29T11:02:00.003+08:00

I have to commend myself for being so in control, but I can't, I don't know, but I'm starting to doubt myself .
But two things I'm sure of, I'm the one to blame for all these and I know I have to do something about it, soon..

Thoughts - Again

2009-04-22T23:09:00.002+08:00

Got a new phone my gulay, for another network. Why did I purchased one? Parang panata na namin ni louisse ang bumili ng new phone every year. Got my N95 still as my primary phone and a 7210 supernova for secondary phone, funny thing is nobody at home is aware what I got hahaha.
It's 11:21pm dated April 22, 2008, my grandparents plane has already landed. I'm torn I want to go home but hesitant as well. I wanted to go hime early to talk to my lolo God, got alot of things to ask him about the details on some investment, dreaded papaerworks again that I want to get over with as soon as possible for me to deal with my own plans this year. I'm hesitant because despite of good news darn I would definetly hear a lot of "sermon" again, about my work, my life, my activities, my savings and darn my health. Yes, I got POS again mygulay, balik akosa everyday dosage ng 1500mg ng gamot, banggag nanaman ako every day, at ang hindi ok eh masesermonan nanaman ako nito hay buhay.

Kamalayan

2009-04-21T10:52:00.000+08:00

Saan ka nagmula?
Sundalong magiting.
Isang tanod ng sigwa,
May gusto atang marating.

Sumabak sa unos,
Nang walang pagaalinlangan.
Sa kalabay nakipagtuos,
Salat man ang kaalaman.

Sa bawat hagupit,
Nang sandatang tangan.
Marka ng pait,
Di malaman ang pinagmulan.

Atensyon ba o pagkakakilanlan?
Ang udyok ng kamalayan.
Upang tadhana'y iyong subukan,
Sa walang katuturang digmaan.

Tatanungin kita kaibigan,
Alam mo ba kung ika'y nasaan?
Gumising ka, ito ang mundong nilikha,
Para sa mga taong mapagkaila.

-written March 24, 2009

Thoughts - AEffort

2009-04-19T16:10:00.005+08:00

Mygulay, ilang araw na ko busibusihan nakakaloka.. walang tulog at pagod, ang init pa.. got lot of things to do lately, dadating kase mga grandparents ko from states next week kaya dami pinapaayos sakin. I need to call talk and deal with the airline company due to some changes on my grandparents flight and plans, I was ask by my aunt/godmother to do so, hindi ko matanggihan kase love na love ko sila hehehe.
Tapos add natin ang pakikibaka ko kakahanap ng secondary phone and gift for my brother and mhy. At ang masalimuot na lovelife ng friends ko susko po bakit lovelife ng iba ang iniintidi at kinakabangagan ko samantalang ako WALA. Ilan araw na rin ako walang tulog pagpumapasok sa office dahil kung saan saan ako pumupunta, nakaw speaking pupunta ba ko school bukas.. nako po.. akala ko makakapagpahinga na ko..
Hay, ilan araw na ko banggag kaya kung ano ano ng nagagawa ko.. nagwawaladas pa ko pera kahit hindi planado susko shayne ano nagyayari sayo.. pero on the other hand nabuhay ang dugo ko kagabi hehehe.. Bakit ka mo? My dearest ever loving sexy sweet naughty maldita like me officemate ceejay my suprise na pinakita sakin kagabi, anu un? picture lang namin ni kras hayzzz.. pantangal pagod hahaha.. Ilang lingo ko na kaya nireresearch, spy at hinalungkat ang kahit ano account nya para malaman kahit unting info or picture from him. Ang malas ko nun mga nakaraan araw, wala daw friendster, myspace o facebook, susko galing kaya siya ng bundok at hindi siya nagkaroon ng ganon? :slap: pero we have one thing in common as of now we both play PSP at naglalaro siya ng patapon yeah boi! We're meant to be ba talaga hahahah..
Anyway ayun nga etong c ceejay kakahalungkat ng mga profile sa livespaces whuala nakakuha kame ng 3 pix ni kras.. (ang galing mo gurl ako 500 profile na nacheck ko sa spaces pero hindi ako bunongga ng gayan pero ikaw ilabsyu maldita :kiss:)

Eto picture nya hindi siya gwapo, pero kras ko si cute nose with braces ko :kilig: hahahaha

group pic nila.. mukha syang sobrang pandak hahaha

mukha siya abnoy.. bakit ba ko nalilinya sa mga abnoy hahaha...

Ryan

Thoughts - Mars Chocolate Bar

2009-04-15T02:49:00.008+08:00

Geezz! We met our new TM today, Ok naman si Gie, sanayan nga lang siguro. Minsan napapaisip ako na feeling ko hindi siya makasabay sa kalokohan ng team, well we'll give her the benefit of the doubt bago palang nya nakasabay ang buong team so feeling ko ok naman siya makakasabay din un eventually. Lahat naman ng tao may laman kalokohan sa utak so malamang meron din un lalabas at lalabas din katarataduhan niya makasama niya lang kame ng matagal, sanayan lang.

Next, letche ganon parin si Coy hindi parin makaget over ng loko hahaha nakakatawa, nakakalungkot at iba na ung namimeeting samin ngayon, pero ok lang his around lang naman, palakad lakad, hindi makatiis kase lagi siya sa bay. Ceejay ask him "Coy anung ginagawa mo dito?" Coy answered "Gusto ko dito wala kase ko dun kilala, wala kausap."
Geezzz.. see that wala ako nasagot kahit na nandun lang din ako, hay, he'll come around ganon talaga, sanayan lang.
Kanina naman magkaIM kame ni Coy pati si Loiusse kaIM lang din si Coy, iba ung feeling ng kahit ka IM namin siya pero pag tayo ko sa station ko wala siya sa kabilang station, na tanaw lang namin pagtumayo kame. Hayz, minsan pagmaykailangan ako sa kanya, tatayo lang ako tapos lalakad sa right side ko tpos pag tingin ko sa station ibang tao na pala, parang mapapahiya lang ako sa sarili ko, nako dadating din time na hindi ko nagagawin un, na if I need to talk to him magiIM nalang ako or text sa kanya, sanayan lang yan..

Nakakaloka na isang request lang ni Coy sakin na gusto nya ng Mars Chocolate Bar, kahit niloloko ko siya na hindi ko siya bibigyan, eh still ayun pagkabreak ko ayun, nasa counter ako ng Ministop buying him a bar of chocolate, nakanang! Ganyan kame 3 nila louisse, kahit anong asar namin sa isa't isa we can't just simply say no, kahit anong mangyari. Magkatampuhan man at the end of teh day parang wala rin nangyari. Mauwi pa sa sigawan ang pagtatalo, isang yosi session lang wala na ulit at nagtatawanan na kame. I really get along with my co-leauges and supervisor kahit sa mga dating work ko, pero iba ung bonding namin 3 dito, magkakakunstaba sa kalokohan at katarantaduhan. Kahit nanay ko kilala si Coy at Louisse kahit hindi sila nagkakakita o nagkakausap. Ganon na ung takbo ng umaga ko, kakausapin ang nanay ko kung ano nagyari sa trabaho at hindi pwedeng hindi mapapagusapan si Coy at Louisse. Nako hindi ko na siguro maaalis yan ganyang gawi sa mga umaga sa buhay ko. Sanay na kase ko..

Thoughts - Inggitera

2009-04-14T12:05:00.014+08:00

I used to create my own siggy, here are some..

first siggy I made for papa

created for cf

for igol

mine

hindi ko na lagay ung iba kase madami at hindi naman ako magaling sa ganyan but my kapatid midz and aventot are expert on those.. tsak kinatamaram ko na mamood ng video sa youtube kung paano gawi ug bang tricks sa photoshop eh.. kaya nagpapagawa nalng ako siggy ko hahaha.. At dahil inggetera ko, ingit ako sa gawang siggy ni mids kila mhy at mama.. so naghanap ako ng image at nagpagawa rin sa kanya hahaha.. kaso hindi ako makapagdecide kung alin sa siggy gagamitin ko.. take a look.. pareho lang pero magkaiba ang dating..

ito ung original design nya

eto ung revised

Ang gulo ko diba pareho lang naman ung color at lights lang nagkaiba pero hindi ko alam alin dyan sa dalawa pipiliin ko, pareho maganda, pareho ko gusto pero.. hay puro pero..
Yan gnag isa sa mga problema ma ko ang tagal ko mag decide, kaya kahit sa pagshoshopping sus aabutin ako ng ilan oras para makapili, bakit? I want the best for me, kahit sino naman un ang gusto diba, pero minsan kakapili mo nagkakamali ka rin, like what happen the last time I tried buying a new shirt, kakapili ko kakapunta ko sa iba't ibang shop, ung nagustuhan ko wala na pala stock, ayun umuwi ako ng walang nabili at nauwi ang 3 hours ko sa wala.
Naalala ko sabi ng mom ko, "pag may nagustuhan ka, kumuha ka ng size mo sukat mo pag ok bilin mo na, mahirap na kase ung babalikan mo pa, ung nakita mo thinking na baka may mas maganda pa, baka mamaya wala na un pagbinalikan mo."
Alam ko may point mom ko pero minsan ang hirap basta basta gumawa ng desisyon, iniisip ko baka manghinayang o magkamali ako, pero sino ba ang hindi nagkakamali..
Siguro marami lang mga bagay na kailangan isa alang alang bago mabitiw ng desisyon at tingin ko hindi ko maalis sakin un. Ayoko naman basta basta tumalon sa dagat ng hindi ko alam kung malalim o hindi ung parteng un lalo na hindi ako marunong lumangayon..
Anyway desisyon ko sa siggy, I ask ave's opinion at ung pangalawa daw un gamitin ko so un ang ginamit ko hahaha..

PGR in Puerto Galera

2009-04-12T10:33:00.012+08:00

Sawakas natapos na namin ito.. after a few weeks of being gloomy mygulay..

We have to accept and move on.. Nakakaiyak na nakakatawa balikan mga pictures na ito.. Halata naman na puro kame tarantado sa team diba? Kahit ung mga matitino lumalabas ung pagiging siraulo pagmagkakasama kame.. People on the floor would think na hindi kme close as a group, hehe think again..

Pero kahit ganon wala makakapagsabi na patapon ang Team, coz we already prove them who PGR was and who PGR is..

So closing time na ba ng PGR? I don't think so, its just "see you around".. PGR are here to stay mabago man ang name ng team..

(coz PGR won't be PGR without you Coy)

We're gonna RULE!

Our Pasaway days in Galera.. ang last team buidling ang PGR (shoot naiiyak nanamana ko.. may video sa dulo.. powerpoint un with songs hehehe!)

And ID bow!

So alam nyo na kung bakit ganon ang status ko sa YM?! hahaha

Oo fine makapal mukha ko, susko ang taba ko grabe!

Disclaimer: Hindi po namin kilala ung mga nasa unahan namin.. at feeling namin yamot na sila sa kalokohan pinaggagawa namin hahaha!

Pag-ibig sa Jetty

Here is a video of team pgr, actually kulang yan.. hindi pa kase kasama dyan ung first year or so..

at hindi makikita ng transition ko from piglet to piggy :rofl:

pero eto kme ung mga PGR na umalis na, nawala, nagpainga lang, nagiba ng daan, nagtago, nagbakasyon etc. pero until now walang nakakalimot..

seriously, ung ang isa sa mapagmamamalaki ng team namin, walang iwanan, walang kalimutan..

mawala ka man asahan mo, isang text lang naguunahan na yan sa inuman..

hahahaha!

Thoughts - Asar

2009-04-11T12:01:00.003+08:00

Kung badtrip ka sa araw mo wag mo ko idamay! I know for a fact that you won' t reply, I can clearly remember what you told me last night. Ang nakakainis lang eh, ok ka naman kagabi, bakit ngayon nagtek lang ako ng umaga eh ganyan ka na?!
Again I'm Not Expecting Any Reply!
Ang labo mo grabe, tapos tatawag ka ng ganon mood mo, hoy alalahanin mo nga kung sino ako, at kung anong mga nagawa ko para sayo. Ang hirap kase, lagi na lang ako ang umiintidi, pagbad mood ka dapat hindi kita patulan, sus di na oiy! graduate na ko sa ganon ugali, I'll answer back if I have too.. hindi na nga ko nagdedemand eh noh, dapat nga ikaw ung gumagawa ng mga un, tapos yan pa makukuha ko sayo.. Nakakapagod ka na, tapos sasabihin mo pa na may gagawin ka sabay banggit sa hin*yup*k na un, ayos ka rin eh noh.. Magkanya kanya na kaya tayo?!

Bago

2009-04-10T15:18:00.002+08:00

Mga tuyong dahon sa puno'y nalalagas
Nadating hitik sa bunga tulad ng kamias
Ang luntiang tumatabing sa iyong landas
Ngayo'y hindi maikubli ang iniwang bakas

Isang larawang kupas sa loob ng kahon
Kapirasong papel napaglipasan ng panahon
Dati rati'y iyong tangan at laging baon
Ngayo'y alaala na lamang na iyong kinuyom

Ang banayad na dampi nang sikat ng araw
Sa pagmulat ng mata'y kadalasa'y sumisilaw
At ang sigaw ng katauhang may tinig na bahaw
Ang gumising sa kamalayang may bagong pananaw

Sa pagpatak ng bawat oras na lumilipas
Kasabay ng kalendaryong unti-unting napipilas
Ang paglisan ng haring araw sa kanluran
Ay ang pananabik sa isang bukas na inaasam

Walang makapipigil sa paginog ng mundo
Pati narin sa lahat nang sumasaklaw dito
Isang araw, sa iyong paggising ay matatanto
Ang bagay na hindi natin hawak ay pagbabago

-written April 04, 2009
my-supposed-to-be-entry#2
para sa april poem contest sa symb kaso as usual DQ ako :rofl:

Persona

2009-04-10T14:39:00.001+08:00

Alone in middle of a crowded room,
Where no one notice my shadowy gloom.
Anguish behind the sweetest smile,
Here I can pretend even just for a while.

Laughters and giggles that fills the air,
People talking and mingling everywhere.
I stare, leer and listen the whole time,
But no sound I could hear, just like a loud mime.

Red blood flows and fills our soul,
Separate lives used to be unknown.
Color of your voice, makes me wonder,
A known hymn that starts from a whisper.

Now I stand in front of someone so dear,
A face that is familiar but I quite fear.
A lost mourning soul, I choose to seclude,
Who holds the truth and the reality I elude.

-written March 19, 2009

She'me

2009-04-09T11:49:00.003+08:00

Too careful and in control,
That’s what people know.
A lovely smile she shows,
To cover the face of sorrow.

You can never see her cry,
Even heave or utter a sigh.
Instead she giggles and laugh,
For her to shadow the other half.

She's a damsel in distress,
Inside austerity she possess.
But behind that toughness,
Is a shadow of sadness.

A person who's gentle but wise,
She's a plain Jane in disguise.
Who dares, look into her eyes?
To see the truth which there lies.

-written March 18, 2009
Who's she'me? Make a wild guess..

Bakit Ikaw

2009-04-07T08:40:00.006+08:00

Ilan araw at linggo ang lumipas
Minsan ma'y alaala mo hindi kumupas
Kahit ilang ulit ko pangpilitin
Ikaw parin ang nanaising mahalin

Dumating ka ng hindi ko inasahan
Nang ang puso'y hindi handang masaktan
Ngunit ikaw ay aking hinayaan
Kahit ang puso'y iniwan mong sugatan

Hindi ko ginustong lumayo sayo
At sikaping tanggalin ka sa isip ko
Ngunit bakit ikaw parin sa aking paggising
Mga alaala mong bumabalik sa akin
Hindi ko ginustong lumayo sayo

Ngayo'y mga mata ko'y lumuluha
Kahit isipin kong hindi mo sinadya
Ang masaktan ako'y di mo ninais
Ngunit heto ako tumatangis

Hapdi ng sugat sa puso ko
Bakit di ko magawang paghilumin ito
Pero nais ko lang malaman mo
Mahal kita iyon ang totoo

Bukas haharapin ko na buhay ko
Na wala ka sa piling ko
Bukas hindi na kita iisipin
Tatangapin ko nang hindi ka sakin

-written Feb 14, 2009,
unang tagalog ko na tula.. request ni mhy gagawin ata itong song meron na actually demo si kamotekid thanx

may version na si KK eto oh..
http://www.imeem.com/people/wZttaJ/playlist/CK3_b9Q3/sesc-music-playlist/
yan din soundtrip ko sa blog ngayon hehehe..

Thoughts - First and last

2009-04-07T08:00:00.008+08:00

Just got a smart sim card yesterday..

-ewan ko ba kung paano ko napilit ni aiah para bumili ng smart sim eh forever posible user ako.. Well, ayun binili ko rin, fine unfortunately wala ko ibang phone na gagamitin chet! Ung 6630 kinuha ng kapatid ko paano nasira ung phone niya sus ung sirang 5210 ang naiwan, waaaahh at nakalock sa globe un.. susko anu ba yan.. sabi na nga ba eh kailangan ko daw talaga bumili ng bago phone, naiisip ko na un a couple of days ago, when we're joking about Jason buying a new phone in commonwelt ave hahaha. Sabi ko I want P1i or ung bago lalabas na Sony Ericsson C905 love that phone shoot! Basta bibili ako ng secondary phone ko.
Anyway so i got the sim insert it in my phone and use my globe sin on the busted 5210 mygulay.. How can I send textmessages using this, shoot! Pero aliw nung una lalo na hindi ako familiar sa smart(eversince nauso sakin ang celphone simula pa highschool ako na ginto ang presyo ng sim card-my first sim costed me 1,200 petot susko ginto!- globe user na ko) at may katek ako agad aliw.. but got tired of it nung dumating ako sa bahay mahina signal ng smart sa loob ng kwarto ko.. susme bakit nun ko lang naalala na may cellsite ang globe sa kabilang street namin kaya mahina talaga ang signal ng smart dito.. ayun wala ko narecieve na text or call pagdating ko sa house how lucky.. kaya sabi ko this is my first and last time to use this sim.

Hay mahirap talaga palitan ang nakasanayan dapat alam ko na yan, dahil isang linggo na ko hindi mapakali sa issue na yan pero, mahirap din pala ipilit ang hindi pwede.. May mga bagay na hindi talaga ukol kaya kahit anong pilit mo, umiyak ka man ng dugo dyan wala ka parin mahihita..
I tried alternatives but nothing seems to work.. I tried reaching out but it keeps on running away from me.. So, I have to let it go.. time to let go of the wheel and just see where it would bring you.. I'll just make sure I am ready no matter what..
Masyado na ko nagugulat at naguguluhan lately, so its time na siguro para wag muna magisip, sabayan ko muna ung agos baka sakaling dalin ako nito sa pampang.. kesa pagpinilit ko eh baka pulikatin ako kahit hindi naman ako marunong lumangoy..
Maraming bagay ang gumugulo sakin ngayon na biglaan, na hindi ko alam kung tama ang gagawin ko mga desisyon kaso paginisip ko ng inisip ako lang din ung mahihirapan.. Masakit sa ulo un, baka tuluyan lumala ung sakit ko sa utak hindi pa naman ako normal :lol:
I'll just keep my fingers crossed and hope that tomorrow will be better than today..
5 o' clock in the morning got a text message from Aiah she's calling my smart number, cannot be reached daw, eh pano magriring eh tinggal ko nga.. ay sus palitan naman ng sim card..

Thoughts - Toyomansi

2009-04-05T11:07:00.005+08:00

I thought Shhh.. What's your secret? Secrets....a brilliant idea from the sick mind of Mo Twister is the only stuff that would make me laugh hard today, darnit I was wrong.. Ang dami naman kase nangengelam, lahat ba talaga ng sabihin ko issue hahaha..
Please I'm begging don't make me one hell of an evil person again, mygulay, do your self a favor dude mind your own business! If you can't say anything right, or if your not certain about things(which is obvious, na wala talaga) and if you don't even hold a single fact, just keep your f*cking big mouth shut!
I ate siomai last night the only solid food I ingest and I went crazy about it haha! So before heading home I bought 3 single orders of it hahaha! Pagdating sa bahay natulog agad ako, kakagising ko nga lang eh, tapos may nabasa agad ako pinaalala ung toyomansi na sawsawan na siomai ko hahaha!
Mga tao talaga pinapatawa ko maigi, nakakatawa ka, take note nakakatawa hindi nakakatuwa. Mangangaral nanaman ba ko? Na hindi maliit, masikip at maputik mundo ko hahaha. Kahit pa dito sa blog na ito hindi lahat ng nagyayari sakin nandito, hindi lang isa blog ko noh.. Sus, like what I always say, this blog is the part of me who wanted to open up and share. Pero meron parin malaking parte ng buhay ko ang para sa akin lang, ganon ako kadamot. Ngayon kung hindi magkasing lawak at magsinghaba ang pangunawa ko, sayo, wag mo na lang subukan arukin o hanapin ang pinto para mabuksan ang ibang parte, dahil ngayon palang sinisigurado ko hindi mo mapapasok un.
Yun lang, kakain muna ulit ako siomai na miss ko ung sawsawan, ung toyomansi at uma bagoong din dito para sa mangga ko hahaha!
Disclaimer: kung binabasa mo ito hindi ikaw yan, unless conceited ka para angkinin, sige go lang..

Death

2009-04-04T10:30:00.001+08:00

Its funny to learn that some people think, I'm already 6 feet under. Darn, that's the least possible situation I wanna think of, worst thing that could happen to me. We just celebrated New Years a couple of weeks ago, don't want to die young. No, not today, not tomorrow, not now. I never imagined my self lying on a cushioned, rectangular sealed box, with a square glass mirror on top. Is this the thing they call coffin?

Never in my entire life did I come across this thought. Death, death of whoever, relatives, family member, friends, co-leagues, someone special and especially me. I hate going to wakes and funerals. I'm just not comfortable with its sullen aura. I hate seeing people who wanted to end their precious lives just because they cant handle the situation they are in. Dying won't be the answer.

If ever, would I go to heaven? or would Satan welcome me in hell? Waaahh this is so weird.. erase erase erase.. Can't believe I'm saying or even thinking about this.

But I know that anytime.. anywhere.. we don't know when He will be needing us to accompany Him there.. I know I'm not ready yet, there are things I wanted to settle, things I wanted to accomplish and things I wanted to finish. Yes, everything's hanging for me now. I know what to do about it, but I don't have the strength and courage to face it yet. Yes, I'm a coward. Too scared to get hurt, to be wounded again. Too scared to accept the truth, to face reality. Too scared of me dying because of this pain and even face the real death itself. I'm getting tired of all this agony wrestling inside me, dreamland won't help, everything inside seems to be broken beyond repair, i can feel the presence of death lingering inside me, the reality I'm trying to avoid. Darn, no one, not even I, witnessed my death yet I can feel my presence in hell.

Done

2009-04-03T13:46:00.003+08:00

Common ground were things unfold
A mystery that is soon to be told
Here we stabilized a certain bond
Different personalities were found

Dream team I've ever found
In this chaotic crazy land
A force leads by one great lad
The best we could ever have

We rule and we fight hard
Never let anyone be scarred
By someone who never back out
Faith in us, he never doubt

Suddenly parting was portend
That every beginning has an end
Reminiscing memories of the past
Some good things never really last

How hard is it to let go?
Of those things we used to hold
This routine that soon to end
Yes, we can no longer pretend

-written April 2, 2009

*Guys, a few of you could read this, I know..
First Happy 3rd Year Anniversary to me, louisse, coy, momi z, daddy ron, jed, vlad and chad(happy nga ba for me and louisse don't think so :lol:)
Moving forward..
End is a word not use/used by any PGR member.. So instead, so long and see you around..
We're one hell of a team ever since day one, remember that.. No one can beat us..
PGR RULES!

My Gifts: Partly Dreaming

2009-04-02T12:14:00.004+08:00

Dreams

This fantasy I hold,
Brings cheer and joy.
In my mind I mold,
An image so coy.

I carefully keep,
This dreams untold.
Having a rem sleep,
I eagerly withhold.

Drawn in my mind,
The image of you.
In the skies above,
Seems so far but true.

Tomorrow's a new day,
Hoping as I pray.
Wishing, I'll dream of you,
Over the clouds I drew.

-written March 28, 2009
a gift for blesh, gep for nar, supposed to be about clouds but I can't seems to create a too cheerful poem, I don't know why, probably its not me.. but I was glad Nar liked it.. thanks bunso labya :kiss:

Parting

Here, I sit on the sand by the shore
Blankly, watching the sun as it goes
This cycle that has come to an end
Indication for me, to no longer pretend

We shared our lives and promise to love
Then I was taken for grated, push and shove
I never felt so empty in my whole life
Until I realize I'm alone, by your side

Don't be too complacent my dear
Remember, I may not always be here
A bubble could vanish instantly
Like patience that goes downhill quickly

I know, I have to understand
And that’s what I'm doing all the time
But how can I hold hands with just one
And with an empty space next to mine

Today I decided to end it all
It’s hard, I tell you, I feel miserable
But that’s the only way for me to live
For us not to lose the respect we built

-written April 1, 2009
a gift fro angel, gep for sizh fink, she ask me if I could write her a poem, about what recently happen in her life.. she wanted bitterness and emptiness on the poem, reflecting what had happened.. I know part of her story but according to her I interpreted her vision well, without giving me enough details.. talented? I guess not, I can relate, I just wrote my own feelings about the topic.. yes, I have my fair share on bitterness and emptiness lately, hep before anybody reacts, for the record this isn't abut my love life.. I'm in denial, yes until now I can't accept the fact that we have to move on and look for greener pasture :sigh:.. Even though I had this idea, I felt like its too soon.. hayz I'm still hoping to wake up and realize that its just a bad dream.. hopes.. :sigh:

Galera Team Building

2009-04-01T10:50:00.011+08:00

Hayz, it took us sometime to go back in editing these pictures, sa totoo lang hindi parin tapos. We went to Galera last March 20 for our team building with all the preparation and excitement we never thought that it could be our last, that's reason why I haven't opened these photos and do our 'kalokohan thingy'. Nakakalungkot, nakakaiyak.. naiiyak ako habang sinusulat ko ito, di ko mapigilan eh.

PGR is one hell of a team, we treat each other more than officemates, more than friends, we are family, the family I had for almost 3 years now. One of the pioneer team who started the account. Alam namin na hindi permanent ang lahat, team members come and go, pero natira kme 3. Ako, si Loiusse at ang team manager namin si Coy, naalala ko madalas masisi si Coy kung bakit never kame nagpapromote ni Louisse, kung bakit hanggang ngayon agent parin kameng dalawa, sabi nga ng iba kung meron deserving mapromote sa floor kame un, we already proven our worth, dedication and capability but we already know how things work on the floor, promotion is never an option, resigination is.

Ngayon mag 3 years na kameng tatlo sa April 3, pero sa oras din na iyon mawawala na rin ang PGR, ang team na PASAWAY, ung MAINGAY, ung PALABAN, ung team na NUMBER 1 all through out, DREAM TEAM ng lahat ng mga tao sa office. Ngayon lang nagsink in sakin ang lahat, una hindi ako naniniwala na mangyayari ito. Bumabalik lahat alaala ng mga kalokohan namin, I can't even look at those picture na halos bumuo ng buhay ko sa loob ng tatlong taon. Hindi ito ang una kong trabaho pero ito ang hindi ko maipagpapalit sa kahit ano, hindi dahil sa wala ako ginagawa sa opisina kundi magchat, magforum at tumawa, kundi ung kahit pagod na ko, kahit ayoko na sa pesteng kompanyang ito, maalala ko lang mga team mates ko at maalala ko lang na magkukulitan kme sa opisina, napipilitan ako bumangon at magtrabaho. Ang hirap isipin na maiiba na ung nakagawian ko araw araw, Coy will be leaving the team most probably next week, ayoko, ayaw namin hindi sa selfish kme pero malaking kawalan si Coy, I can never look at PGR with our STM Coy, I can't imagine Louisse and me alone without him. Ung mga kulitan, usapan at sekreto namin tatlo, hay ayoko dumating ang April 3 ayoko mawala ang PGR. We've been behind each other all through out, nung nabuntis si Gracci, ung pagkakasakit ni Michelle, ung pagkawala ng celphone ni Harmon, ung muntik na pagiging parents ni Blue at Gretch, ung hindi pagsama ni Momi Jojie sa mga lakad, ang mga late ni Ate Cor, pagmomove on ni Ana, ang pagbuo ng Alabang Boys (Mark, Jason, Patrick, Earl, Marlon) at Ebola Boys (Ralph, Edwin), ung di pag amin na buntis ni Aling Sima, ang kakulitan ni Louie ang napaudlot na pagreresign ni CeeJay, ang pagiyak ni Aica dahil sa baby nya, ang TL namin si Norms, ung mga ampon namin sa floor sina Adtrian, John, Mike, Nikki, Jah, ung mga umalis pero kahit anong mangyari buo parin sila Richmon, Eshon, Lynn, Yves, Bogs, Ethel, Mikka, Alec, Mark, Russel, Phoebe, Greg, Mitch, Flory, Marsh. (nakalimutan ko ung iba update ko na lang pagnaalala ko..).

Hay ang hirap naman ng ganto, alam ko mangyayari pero bakit kung kelan nandito na ang hirap. Remembering all those times from day one until now hindi ko magawang hindi umiyak, parang normal na samin ni Louisse na kadamay si Coy sa lahat ng bagay, from food, events, celebration, problems and even decisions. Ang hirap ng wala si Coy, kahit na sinabi namin na magreresign kame, ang hirap pala gawin, ang hirap pala pagmanyayari na, totoong madaling sabihin pero mahirap gawin. Ang hirap isipin lahat lahat ng hindi ako nalulungkot, I know ganto rin ang nararamdaman ni Louisse at Coy ngayon kahit gaano kaganda ang pelikula, kahit gaano katatag ang grupo dadating rin pala ung part kung kelan sasarado na ang kuritina, kailangan talaga dumating ung tinatawag na END.

Ayoko, ayoko talaga. :'(

Eto ung ibang pictures, marami pa kulang diyan, hindi ko alam kung madadagdagan ko pa yan. mahirap pa para sakin tignan mga old and recent photos pacencya na kayo.. :(

PGR: Project Gotham Racing

Balut misadventure in Galera

2009-03-25T13:36:00.010+08:00

Balut is one of the delicacies we pinoy love, at night people would hear vendors selling balut and penoy around. According to pareng wiki, a balut is a fertilized duck (or chicken) egg with a nearly-developed embryo inside that is boiled and eaten in the shell. Popularly believed to be an aphodisiac and considered a high-protein, hearty snack, balut are mostly sold by street vendors in the regions where they are available. They are often served with beer. In tagalog, Ang Balut ay isang nilagang itlog ng itik na naglalaman ng sisiw na 18 na araw ang gulang, mayaman sa protina, bitamina, at mineral ang balut kaya itinuturing ng mga Filipino bilang pagkaing pampalakas. Oh diba!

Moving forward, I love eating balut when I was a kid, I grew up with my lolo and lola so madalas kinakain ko mga kinakain nila, isaw, betamax, adidas, bituka ng manok, binatog, penoy and the famous balut. I can remember eating even the 'bato' the white part of the balut, loving the yellow part of it, the juice and even eating the sisw it self, hindi kase mukhang sisiw. Pero nung nag grade six ako natrauma ko in eating balut, pano?

Dahil mahilig ako sa balut(kaya ang lapad ko eh), my cousins and I would always buy balut at night, one time Daniel(my late cousin, he died in an accident a couple of years ago) told us that we can buy balut in a lower price, we just have to get the cracked eggs and manang would give it half the price(nice bargain huh). So off we go, I bought 2 each, while eating it at our terrace, Daniele showed me the balut he got, holding the nearly developed duck in its beak, I freaked out. Hindi ko na nakain ung balut ko, kitang kita ko ung itsura ng duck na halos buo na, may gulay hndi ako maarte or what pero di ko kinaya un. Since then I never ate balut ever, I would jsut buy penoy instead. But last March 20, dinare ako ng mga officemate ko after 13 long years of not eating balut dinare ako to eat one, mygulay never ako nagbackout sa dare, napasubo ata ako suskopo. I first ate 1 penoy, pampagana hahaha.. and then..

the balut

and I ate it

then I loved it...

Ang sarap shoot, ngayon ko lang ulit na try yan at ayun nung gabing nagiinuman hinahanap ko ung nagtitinda ng balut hahaha..

pagdating ko dito sa bahay, nagpabili ulit ako ng balut haha chet bisyo na 'to..